Just got out of Big Hero 6, with my team at work, and to say I loved the movie would be the absolute understatement of the year.
I don't even really know where to start, and I'm not sure if I'm going for a review or just my response to it. SO, let's just go forward with the following disclaimer.
I CANNOT GUARANTEE THERE WILL NOT BE SPOILERS
Just one more time for people who read faster than their minds can process what they are reading.
THE FOLLOWING MAY VERY WELL CONTAIN SPOILERS
If you don't want the movie spoiled turn back now.
Final warning.
THE FOLLOWING DEFINITELY CONTAINS SPOILERS
Let's do this.
THE INTERNET DIDN'T PREPARE ME FOR THIS MOVIE!! Everyone on the internet absolutely loves Tadashi. If I had a nickel for every single time I saw a piece of artwork of Tadashi, or a post from someone proclaiming their love for him I would have enough money to buy the $15 dollar poster from Amazon.
That being said, I couldn't help but think of my brother. Tadashi is there for Hiro, and pushes him to do more with his brain. He encourages him to strive for more, and challenge himself to be even better. And his science project? Freaking Baymax, "your personal healthcare companion." He built a robot that would scan a person and help to take care of them, only turning itself off when the patient was satisifed with their care. He even gave it a freaking huggable design!
And I know I'm no Hiro. As much as I dream of being Hiro Hamada, or Pavel Chekov or even Klaus Baudelaire, I'm not. At this point, at the age of 22, I've long passed the point where I would be the super genius that manages to create a cool thing or even just smart enough to save the world.
However, I'm fine with that. I mean, if you gave me the chance to go back to when I was young, with the ability to become that kid, I would jump at the chance. I mean, just being that super smart kid would be fantastic and would definitely help me with my dream of helping others. However, that's not happening, no matter how much I dream of it being the case.
No, I wasn't destined to be a super genius. I'm ok with that. I've come to terms with that.
That does't mean that when I watch a movie like Big Hero 6 I don't become a little kid again.
No, the exact opposite happens. I become the kiddest little kid that ever walked the Earth, and it is beyond glorious. For the duration of the film, I was awestruck. I couldn't pull myself out of the film. I was laughing, I was crying, I was completely in tune with the film.
I'm the easiest person to cater to when it comes to films. I get attached. I become the main character. When I watched heroes, I was Peter. His brother was mine. His struggles I felt. For Big Hero 6 I was Hiro. Tadashi was my brother. Tadashi was Charlie.
The way Tadashi encouraged Hiro, was the way Charlie encouraged me. So, you can imagine how much I fell in love with the on screen chemistry. I was sold. I was in the zone. And that's when everything came crashing down. That was the moment the internet failed to prepare me for.
Tadashi, in the classic heroic move, sacrificed himself to try and save his mentor and friend. It took a few moments for things to click, but by that point the tears had already found the best path on their way down my cheeks. By the time I was capable of comprehending that he was actually gone, I could taste the salt from the tears as they ran over my lips, and crashed into my mouth.
I guess it's understandable then, that upon leaving the theater, I shot a text to my brother telling him I loved him. It just made sense.
See, my brother encouraged me, and if there's anything my brother taught me, it's that I'm worth something.
I don't know if he ever posted this, or if it was just meant to me, but it was in my graduation letter, and I read it whenever I'm down to remind myself that I have a purpose. Here's the poem he wrote for me upon graduating from UT.
i.
you are not me.
i became attached
to my shadow
until i realized
he might become me.
let me tell you
sleep does not favor
the misshapen
ii.
you are not me.
i will never stop
being grateful
for your self.
you are more a man
than most will meet
and you tell us all
how to be better
without words.
iii.
you are not me,
but you are a part of me.
It rests front and center on the door of my fridge, and I can't read it without tearing up. However, it reminds me of my purpose. I'm not going to create a robotic suit to save the world. No, but I am here to encourage others. I'm here to love people. I'm here to be a light, when all else is dark.
And, well, that's as important a super power as the super intelligence. I don't acknowledge it enough, and I need to acknowledge it more. That's why I make videos, that's why I strive to retain a smile 24/7. And just like any hero, I can't do it 24/7. I have moments, where the world is blank, and I'm lost. In those moments, I find the poem. And it is in those moments that I find the strength to be the person I'm meant to be.
So, when Hiro finds the person who caused the death of his brother I understood his pain. When he removed the Tadashi chip and set Baymax to kill his enemy I knew that pain. I haven't lost my brother. I can't imagine what I would even begin to feel. Yet, I know that my actions wouldn't range that far from Hiro's.
So you can imagine, my face was pretty much a solid stream of tears. And the tears only grew worse as Baymax then revealed the videos of Tadashi working to create Baymax. And then his friends, his brother's friends, arrived to comfort him. Man, I may not have been sobbing, but in that moment my heart had shattered, and was being pieced back together by the love among them.
I'm such a sucker for friendship stories. And brother stories. And definitely superhero stories. So when the team worked together in the final fight. When Fred burned Honey Lemon's chemistry pellets creating the smoke screen I legitimately fist pumped in the theater and the tears were definitely there. When they each had to think outside the box, my inner 6 year old was jumping up and down with excitement.
In the end, I had one of the best cinematic experiences of my life. I was so happy, and so pumped, and full of inner childish joy, and at the same time I sobbed and felt my heart pulled apart. I laughed more than I thought I would, and it was just a perfect experience.
So, this wasn't a review of Big Hero 6. No, this was the story of how Big Hero 6 managed to pull me in, and enthrall me in its story. And yes, I definitely cried while writing this, I cried when I read back through the poem my brother sent me.
And in the end, when the world does get me down. I have more friends than I can count who help to pull me out, and my family is beyond capable of lifting me up.
So, that is why I maintain my smile at all times, and while it may not be a super intelligence, or a super power, it is the only super power I could ever want.
I love you all, and don't forget to smile. =D
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Magic, Madness, Heaven, Sin
So, if you've talked with me recently, or read my Facebook (or if Youtuberepeat could tell people how I've listened to the song over 30 times in a single day), you probably know that I have fallen in love. Now, this isn't new, but rather a resurgence of my love.
Taylor Swift has managed to be wonderful always and, with the release of her new album, I find myself even more in love than I was before, which I had previously thought impossible.
Disclaimer, I have yet to listen to the full album, but the few songs I've heard are beyond stellar, and this post is about a specific song and the amount of love I have for it.
So, without further ado, I present to you my, line by line, review of Blank Space by Taylor Swift.
Important note: I have loved Taylor Swift for a long time, and so this may seem like another fanboy just lofting Taylor up to a new unfathomable level. So, while I am definitely a Taylor Swift fanboy, I don't hold Taylor in any higher regard than I do a friend, and as such acknowledge that she isn't perfection, even if she comes dangerously close to it.
This review, as stated previously, will go line by line, and will include commentary on the shots from the video, as I think the song stand alone is worth analyzing, as is the video, and together they complement each other quite well.
I could show you incredible things
This is a wonderful opener, I think, and it sets the stage for a song with a story. We hear Taylor meeting someone, and letting them know that with her they'll go on wonderful journeys. This is the kind of confidence that I would expect from Taylor. She knows she's capable of introducing this person to new things. Maybe I like it because it makes me think of, "I can show you the world, etc..."
Looking at the video as well, we see a model of a man (quite literally, he's a really down to Earth model from the one interview I read after he did this video) drive up in a wonderfully classy car (of which I don't know the make or model, but I'm not a car guy, so it's good). Our first shot of Taylor is on a bed, with breakfast on a platter. She's wearing a super classy night gown(? not sure on the term here), and is freshly woken, the sleep mask pulled up on her forehead. My first thought on the black gown was that it looked vaguely reminiscent of someone in mourning. The Black definitely contrasts the White of the bedroom, the cat, and the horses. Now, she's not actually just woken up, as I know very few people who can look that wonderful after having just woken up, but shh, this is setting the stage as the beginning of the journey (see day) she goes on with this man. Also worth noting, she's holding her actual cat, Olivia Benson. The next shot of Sean, the model, is him looking around realizing that this is actually an incredible thing, and then back to a wide shot of Taylor's room showing a quite spacious bedroom with TWO white horses, among the rest of the beautiful setting. Clearly she CAN show you incredible things.
Magic, Madness, Heaven, Sin
Now, I picked this line as the Blog title, because aside from loving other lines, this one sets the tone. Magic contrasting with Madness and Heaven contrasting with Sin. This tells us about the journey Taylor can take you on. It can be magical and it can be heaven, but there's a chance for some madness sprinkled in, and can't deny the sin. I think that while this is absolutely Taylor commenting on what the media portrays her as, it also gives a realistic view of relationships. Who is to blame for the madness or the sin, well it depends on who you ask. I'll comment on this some later, so let's move to the video for this bit.
The video is light for this line, we see Sean walking to the door, and Taylor walking to greet him at the top of this beautiful stairway of an entry. This is her second outfit. We can't tell too much, but it seems to be slightly see through on the legs, going for a more elegant and yet slightly, dare I say it, sexy look. This all corresponds with the lyrics, the entry way and her dress are magical and heavenly, but they have that edge of madness and sin to them. Seriously, you have to be mad to keep horses in your bedroom!
Saw you there and I thought
Oh my God, look at that face!
You look like, my next mistake
These lines, show us the initial thoughts going through Taylor's head upon falling for someone. We see that she immediately goes to any relationship being a mistake. This is terrible, and one of the sadder line of the song. We generally imagine people like Taylor being better at life than us, and it's wonderful seeing that she's acknowledging she isn't, even if it's through a song that's poking fun at the media and how they portray her. It's also worth noting, however, that this brings up a question. Is there something about him that gives away that this won't last. Perhaps his attention is feigned, or she's memorized the signs. Even if it's a fun song for her, it's worth questioning who caused the relationships to fail, which is not the image the media paints.
For the video, we cut to the bedroom where she's recalling the story, perhaps she's just gotten out of a relationship in these scenes, which would explain the "mourning" nature of her "morning" gown. I'm proud of that one. XD We're back at the top of the stairway, and she's swooning over the picture perfect face of Sean, who is seeing Taylor for possibly the first time, as in that quick shot we see a slight raise of the eyebrow which could be his attention being piqued by Taylor. Also worth noting, his face is stern, he's serious, and he's in it to win. She then makes her way down the stairs, with the grace and mysteriousness one would expect of someone living in this mansion. The dress we now see has a really interesting gap, where the fabric is patterned and see through around the thigh area. Still super elegant.
Love's a game, wanna play?
Love's a game. This gives way for his "win it" attitude. She's offering him a chance at love, and we're about to see if he wins or loses. This continues the poke at the media, as people tend to look at love as being romantic, not about winning or losing, but about finding someone right for you. The media has portrayed Taylor as someone who bounces around dating guys, and them losing. So we see her opening lines, "wanna play?"
She's at the bottom of the stairs, and facing Sean in the video. She starts saying "Love's a" looking down, and then looks up at the mention of "game", measuring Sean's reaction. Her look is almost cold, calculating. If there's a win for Sean, there's a win for her, and she's sizing up the opposition. Upon asking if he wants to play, we see Taylor's cocky side come out. She knows that she's going to win. Does she know the relationship will succeed or fail, and does it matter for her to win. Is she capable of winning in any situation? She offers her hand out to him, in the same way Riku reaches out for Sora in the opening of Kingdom Hearts, not moving forward, but standing tall, not yielding to the other party.
New money, suit and tie
I can read you like a magazine
So, this is probably one of my favorite lines, and that might be due to my loving "new money" as a term. This suitor of hers is new to the lifestyle of hers. He's all dressed up for her, and she can see right through the clothes. We find out that this isn't her first time in this rodeo of love, and she knows the plays before they happen. I wonder if she's good at strategy games, you know, noticing patterns in her enemies movements, and capable of being one step ahead of them. Anyway, the video.
We cut to Sean and Taylor drinking at a dinner table. The contrast between the two is worth noting. Sean drinks his drink without breaking contact, very rigid in his movement. What are his motives, is he trying to protect himself from Taylor for reasons that will make sense in the next line? Perhaps, he's trying to read her. Who is Taylor, and is she what the media is saying she is? She's more playful with her movements, almost teasing him. We see him covering his eyes but then looking up. Is he embarrassed, and is this him realizing that he can't hide. So far we have a fairly natural relationship. One party is more experienced and playful, while one side is more stern and slightly shy, being new to it all. Outfits for this scene, we see Sean ditch the white shirt for a black one, and Taylor is in a beautiful light blue dress with diamond like stripes, still maintaining the see through fabric around the neck area and the arms.
Ain't it funny, rumors fly
And I know you heard about me
So hey, let's be friends
I'm dying to see how this one ends
This line is pure gold. This is Taylor acknowledging the media and what it's saying, and also acknowledging that he's heard all of this. So she opens with "Let's be friends" which is safe. A friendship doesn't require the strings a relationship does, but has the opportunity to evolve into something more. The last line, "I'm dying to see how this one ends" is also a nod to the media, and everyone who consumes that. Tabloids and news outlets don't care about the in between, we're focused on the endings, specifically the bad ones. Here Taylor is pointing this out, commenting on the nature of endings and media.
We slightly see Sean leaning forward at the table, perhaps her acknowledgement has loosened him up. We see them dancing, as well as riding bikes around the living room.This is their journey, and we see that they've become comfortable with each other. They're having fun, and dancing, neither of which require long term commitments but are both signs that could lead to you opening up for more. She ends, looking at the camera, acknowledging further that the desire to see the end is a nod for the viewers/media who dwell on the failures. For the dancing scene, we see Sean now going the opposite direction of the dinner table with a white coat and shirt to complement Taylor's silver sparkled dress. They're in sync now. The bike scene has them in more laid back, East Coast style clothes. Comfortable with each other enough to drop the dress clothes.
Grab your passport and my hand
I can make the bad guys good for a weekend
I like the allusion to traveling here, and I think it ties in nicely to a later line. I also ABSOLUTELY love the way she delivers "I can make the bad guys good for a weekend" in her half singing half talking voice, with the slight, I don't know what to call it, but wonderful tone of "good". It's full of attitude and draws attention to the idea of bad vs. good. Perhaps, it's even a nod to the idea that maybe she's not the cause for the relationship failures, but that it's more the choice of guys and even Taylor Swift isn't capable of turning the bad guys good forever.
In the video, she's painting a portrait of Sean. He's in a more traditional tux, and Taylor is in a very classy business outfit. This moment, when the bad guy is good, is immortalized in the painting. Again, she turns to the camera when she delivers her line, and we see confidence as well as a hint at something more cynical. Which further makes this line the wonderful that it is.
So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain
Here's the traveling again, and the trip's either never ending, or it's going to crash and burn. This is wonderful, because that's A) how most relationships are, and B) what we're led to believe about Taylor's own relationships. I understand that relationships can end mutually, but from what we're led to believe Taylor can't end a relationship mutually. So, she's already saying it won't end well, and informing the other party to let her know, after they've gone down, if it was worth the pain from the breakup. This is quite sad, because she doesn't have a choice of an outcome. All of this, of course, ties into the portrayal of Taylor as someone who dates and then breaks up, all to get a good song out of it.
The video here is interesting, because it starts with Sean smiling at Taylor. It's one of the few times we see him completely comfortable, and free of the stern look that's accompanied him the rest of the video. Also worth noting, he has a really cool cape that I absolutely want, even if I don't have a use for it... Taylor is dressed in a really elegant dress that billows to one side, allowing for easy walking. This is a good choice for when Taylor and Sean walk their three dobermans, which I think could very well be a nice allusion to Cerberus. I said that jokingly, but realized Cerberus is the watch dog of Hades, and if the relationships destined to go South then mayhaps this is a nice allusion. Also, Dobermans have a history of being used as guard or police dogs, which backs up the Cerberus thing, although more recently they are more suitable for family life. This could be a desire for the relationship to actually win out, or just a screenshot of the moment when the relationship was winning out.
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game
First, I think I'm one of the few people who heard this line correctly, and not as "Starbuck's lovers." Next, here we see Taylor commenting on this dating left and right thing we hear from the media, always out with a new guy. She also points out that these ex-lovers of hers won't worry about talking about how insane Taylor Swift is. THIS is an important commentary on gender roles overall. It's always the women who are insane in relationships. Perhaps I only hear and see the guy point of view here, but I haven't ever heard a girl complain to me about the insane guy she was in a relationship with. On to the comment about loving the players vs the game. The meaning can change based on which Taylor "I" is referring to, the real one or the commentary one. Same for "you" who could be either the partner in the relationship or the media. I think this is a Schrödinger's cat situation. Without Taylor telling us specifically, all the possibilities are true.
The video for these lines shows Sean and Taylor riding white horses. Their outfits are typical riding outfits, with Sean wearing a vest, which I absolutely want. The most notable thing here is the shot of Sean glancing up at Taylor, with his ever stoic face. It's no wonder he's a model, he's got the looks down really well.
Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
I just like this line, because it's acknowledging that perhaps the relationship should have ended sooner, but when you're in a relationship you don't think about things like that. Plus, it's super easy to get swept up in all the wonderful feelings that come with a relationship.
Here, we see Taylor running with a beautiful full dress, and Sean in his tux is chasing after her. This brings out the "reckless" she's referring to. Running after one another regardless of the formal attire they are wearing.
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
She's been very clear, and honest about relationships through the whole song. There's a chance for magical moments that take your breath away, but there's the possibility of the crash and burn that leaves the scar.
This is one of my favorite shots of Sean. The way he's looking after Taylor just feels so full of wonder. He's probably realizing that he loves this woman. The cut back to Taylor shows her pan up at the mention of scar, as though she's saying that's exactly what will happen. Especially when portrayed by the media as someone who burns through guys.
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space, baby
And I'll write your name
So the last two lines here are new, and they bring the idea of a blank space. It's as though she's got Taylor and ______ written, waiting for her significant other. However, her willingness to write his name shows that it's not something that she's waiting for. How many names have filled that blank space, and will it ever be anything other than a blank space? Perhaps, it's even showing that she easily trusts guys, and makes herself vulnerable, writing their name in the blank space, trusting they're the one. That's only if we look at this song, not as a commentary on the media's portrayal, but rather as a song that is true to Taylor's character.
We see Taylor putting up the painting of Sean, in a very pretty (makes me think housewife for some reason) dress. This isn't the only painting in the hall, so maybe the insanity has already set in and she's beyond obsessed with him. The way she points at the painting is super adorable, just saying. Thing to note, the painting behind her has a small ax-like weapon across the face. We'll see this later, but is this a mistake, or was it planned to show us that even though she's still in this perfect relationship world it might not actually be a perfect relationship world. We then see Taylor etching Taylor + Sean inside a heart on a tree. Taylor's got a really cute outfit, and Sean is suave as always. They're chemistry here is in sync. We see them kissing under a gazebo, this must be right after he chased her earlier, based on the outfits. These outfits, the gazebo, and the doves flying out from behind the tree, all have a wedding feel to them.
Cherry lips, crystal skies
I could show you incredible things
Cherry lips and crystal skies, I think, are talking about the passion and the smooth sailing of the relationship. I think that bringing up the weather is a perfect way to go into this next verse, as we're now completely in a relationship. The first verse introduced our two characters, and now we see them in a loving relationship. Even still, she's capable of showing incredible things.
Sean and Taylor are now at a picnic. Sean seems to be preoccupied texting someone, while Taylor's head lays on one his legs, a loving look on her face. They're dressed in nice, summery type clothes, for the picnic, and I want the shoes he is wearing for myself. The lack of attention Sean is paying to Taylor contrasts the crystal skies of their relationship.
Stolen kisses, pretty lies
You're the King, baby, I'm your Queen
So, I love the phrase "Stolen Kisses". It's one of those phrases that is generally used for people in relationships, but also denotes the idea of taking a kiss from someone when they aren't expecting it. So, in a relationship it could be super cute. Say someone's watching the game, and their partner sneaks in a kiss that wasn't expected. It's adorable, because it's spontaneous. It can also be kind of negative, as stolen tends to be. Someone can steal a kiss from someone they aren't together with and it might not be welcome, hence the "steal". Pretty Lies makes me think of Pretty Little Liar, even though I've never watched the show. Haha. Pretty lies, honestly though, is similar to white lies, but slightly worse. A white lie is generally told to hide something worse from someone, a pretty lie is just dressed up to avoid being questioned. These I think are dangerous as the truth behind the lie could be crucial to a relationship, but they aren't questioned because of the way it's told. So we're again given contrasts of good and bad, and the great and floundering relationships.The use of King and Queen make me imagine actual Kings and Queens and all the court going ons, what with the secret lovers and the pretty lies throughout the castle. Again though, it's generally a cute thing.
We continue with Taylor and Sean at the picnic. She's still super adorable, and he's still focused on his phone. Probably playing Candy Crush or something, granted it could be a text to his secret lover. We'll never know. We do know that he's not giving Taylor the attention she needs.
Find out what you want
Be that girl for a month
Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh no
This is again, another interesting line. Here we see that perhaps Taylor, who's used to this relationship game, has been doing just that playing and winning. She's clever and finds out exactly what the other person wants from the relationship and she plays along, but only for a while. So we're left to question if this whole relationship has been planned by her from the start. Is this an elaborate ploy to get a good song out of the deal? Which is beyond the greatest thing, because that is exactly what we see from the media. Taylor goes on dates and what not for the sole purpose of getting song ideas.
From the video, we see Taylor up on the balcony, with Sean down below looking up at her. "It's over Anakin. I have the high ground!" she can be heard screaming in the distance! Ok, maybe she isn't actually saying this, but she does here. So, is her high ground a moral one, that she's trying and maybe he isn't which causes the relationship to fail? Or is it a power play? She's played her cards right, and at this point is clear to win. The next shot is back to the picnic, but wait, she's finally noticed that he's into his phone more than her. She's upset with the cutest upset face possible, which just tells you how adorable I find her. =D Regardless of that, we now know that things are about to get fun, both in the music and the video.
Screaming, Crying, Perfect Storms
I can make all the tables turn
Rose garden filled with thorns
Keep you second guessing like
"Oh my God, Who is she?"
I get drunk on jealousy
But you'll come back each time you leave
'Cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream
So, that's a lot, but this is because of the video portion of this. If you've seen the video you know.
This is out first line of actual discord in the relationship. Fighting with each other, ending in someone crying is a typical thing for relationships on the down and out. Perfect Storms, however, is an interesting phrase. Perfect Storm can conjure up many different images, and I think that's something that's best left to the individual, as I don't want to steal your own chance at images from you. The next line is one of the best ones in the song mainly due to the wonderful use of "the tables have turned." Here, we see that Taylor is in complete charge of the tables. Again she's in charge, she knows how to turn every argument in her favor. She knows how to make herself the victim for the purpose of gaining a hit single. Next, we're not sure if the she's the rose garden or the relationship. Either way it looks great, but once you enter you see all the thorns and find out that it's actually better used as a torture device than decoration. This causes her partner to begin question who she is, as it's nothing like the Taylor they met and started the relationship with. She admits that when she gets jealous she reallly gets jealous, but informs us that regardless of how jealous she can get they always come back to her. This is due to the rose garden being super beautiful and captivating. The line she uses however, is the best line in anything I've ever read or heard (maybe an exaggeration, but it's close). She's definitely a daydream. She's someone people dream about, loving, kind, talented, beautiful, smart, and so much more. However, she's actually a nightmare and when you get to know her, as you do in a relationship, you see this. Well, that's the Taylor that people want to believe, and that's what we see when the media tells us about her "recent string of lovers". It's also another one of those half spoken lines which I love so much about Taylor.
The video has her and Sean back in the house, this time the living room where we previously saw them riding bikes. Taylor and Sean are fighting, with Taylor screaming at him, she's obviously the main contributor to the fight. The look on her face when she makes the tables turn is
determined, as though she's not going to lose this and want him to know that. The hand motion of turning the tables is pretty great too. This video portion though creates a great contrast for what I initially thought on hearing the song, in the video Taylor screams "Who is she?" as opposed to Sean, which I originally thought said it. So maybe Taylor's justified in being upset, and when we actually see what's happening we see that, but if we just listen to what we're told we miss that part of the story. This is totally me reading more than needed to though. Final thing of note here, aside from tossing the bouquet, is the way she grabs his face when saying the nightmare line. It's perfect.
So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game
'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space baby
And I'll write your name
There's not a ton to talk about here, as I've commented on all of this, but it's worth noting that now it's in a different light. It's not so much an omen, but more an ultimatum at this point. The relationship is going down, but it's up to her partner if he's going to stick it out. Upon listening to this to the billionth time, I realized that perhaps I had the original intent of blank space wrong. The Blank Space denotes the inspiration for her next song. She's not looking for love, but rather, she's looking for him to ruin the relationship, even if she has to turn the tables to do so, so that she can fill in her next song with his name. Way to go Taylor. I listened to this a ton of times before it made sense.
In the video we have a lot going on. Taylor has crossed the line into insane. A lot of shots involve her crying in front of the fireplace, her makeup smeared down her face, and yet she's still the epitome of beautiful and adorable. The weirdest thing in these scenes is the doe. Just chilling there. Perhaps it's a symbol yo, look it up. Haha. We see her also ruining Sean's things, and things that remind her of him. She drops his phone in the fountain, she cuts and burns his clothes, eventually tossing them out the window, and she attacks the pictures she painted of him, specifically the one we saw her hang up earlier. The ax in the other picture is still there, so at least it the continuity isn't broken, we'll see it up close later.
Boys only want love if it's torture
Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn ya
Boys only want love if it's torture
Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn ya
This marks the third verse, and like any good trio, the third one breaks the model. I learned that in an English class in college. I did learn more than that, I promise. I just felt like giving credit on that one. The rhythm for the lines is different, and words are sung separately rather than all connected. The lines themselves are interesting too. I think it's worth pointing out the use of boys as opposed to men. Boys tend to not have the maturity to properly pursue love, and whether conscious or not, tend toward relationships that are torture. These lines are up for debate, and should be noted that they come in a song that's entirely making fun of media perception, so it should be taken with a grain of salt, though I still really like the lines.
For the video, we see Taylor manipulating an apple, and Sean reacting as though it's him. An apple is an interesting choice, especially for the symbol of sin that goes with it. It's also worth noting the red, which is passion and love. Again, great contrasts, and wonderfully picked for the video. We finally see the picture with the ax in it, and we also see painting that are marked up with paint and scratches. He notices the painting right before she bites an apple and he spits one out. Is this her embracing the sinful aspect of the apple, while he rejects the love in this moment? Worth questioning.
So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game
'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space baby
And I'll write your name
The final time, here the whole thing is definitely in flames. There's no going back, and she's got all she needs to fill the blank with his name as her latest failed relationship.
We cut to her attacking his car with a golf club, such a nice car too. She really goes at it, losing her balance, and just crying and actually getting a nice shot of shattering the headlight. Seriously it's pretty cool. Some of the scenes where she's crying out are really great too, she's got wonderful facial expressions. Can't fault her there. Some other scenes, we're back to her bed, like in the beginning, although this time she's got a knife and heart cake, which erupts in "blood" when she stabs it, ruining the white cake and probably the sheets too. Several shots have her straddling Sean's unconscious(?) body with one foot in the car. She steals a kiss from him, with a sensual lip bite in the process. I do enjoy her standing on the back of the horse, yeah she owns the place. AND MY FAVORITE SCENE of all. She chops the tree where her and Sean wrote their names in a heart. And then she gets upset and does the cutest little fit, which in her heels causes her to stumble a bit. I love how cute it is, but every time I always worry about the ax she's holding. We see Sean drive off in his battered car, the rim of his wheel spinning off to the side as he goes. We end with a new car pulling up, and Sean 2.0 getting out of it, and then the stare down between him and Taylor similar to the start. Taylor smirk and cut!
OVERALL IDEA:
PERFECT
Feel free to discuss, thank you immensely if you read all of this. It was mostly fun. I really do like this song a ton. =D
Taylor Swift has managed to be wonderful always and, with the release of her new album, I find myself even more in love than I was before, which I had previously thought impossible.
Disclaimer, I have yet to listen to the full album, but the few songs I've heard are beyond stellar, and this post is about a specific song and the amount of love I have for it.
So, without further ado, I present to you my, line by line, review of Blank Space by Taylor Swift.
Important note: I have loved Taylor Swift for a long time, and so this may seem like another fanboy just lofting Taylor up to a new unfathomable level. So, while I am definitely a Taylor Swift fanboy, I don't hold Taylor in any higher regard than I do a friend, and as such acknowledge that she isn't perfection, even if she comes dangerously close to it.
This review, as stated previously, will go line by line, and will include commentary on the shots from the video, as I think the song stand alone is worth analyzing, as is the video, and together they complement each other quite well.
"Blank Space" by Taylor Swift
Nice to meet you, where you been?I could show you incredible things
This is a wonderful opener, I think, and it sets the stage for a song with a story. We hear Taylor meeting someone, and letting them know that with her they'll go on wonderful journeys. This is the kind of confidence that I would expect from Taylor. She knows she's capable of introducing this person to new things. Maybe I like it because it makes me think of, "I can show you the world, etc..."
Looking at the video as well, we see a model of a man (quite literally, he's a really down to Earth model from the one interview I read after he did this video) drive up in a wonderfully classy car (of which I don't know the make or model, but I'm not a car guy, so it's good). Our first shot of Taylor is on a bed, with breakfast on a platter. She's wearing a super classy night gown(? not sure on the term here), and is freshly woken, the sleep mask pulled up on her forehead. My first thought on the black gown was that it looked vaguely reminiscent of someone in mourning. The Black definitely contrasts the White of the bedroom, the cat, and the horses. Now, she's not actually just woken up, as I know very few people who can look that wonderful after having just woken up, but shh, this is setting the stage as the beginning of the journey (see day) she goes on with this man. Also worth noting, she's holding her actual cat, Olivia Benson. The next shot of Sean, the model, is him looking around realizing that this is actually an incredible thing, and then back to a wide shot of Taylor's room showing a quite spacious bedroom with TWO white horses, among the rest of the beautiful setting. Clearly she CAN show you incredible things.
Magic, Madness, Heaven, Sin
Now, I picked this line as the Blog title, because aside from loving other lines, this one sets the tone. Magic contrasting with Madness and Heaven contrasting with Sin. This tells us about the journey Taylor can take you on. It can be magical and it can be heaven, but there's a chance for some madness sprinkled in, and can't deny the sin. I think that while this is absolutely Taylor commenting on what the media portrays her as, it also gives a realistic view of relationships. Who is to blame for the madness or the sin, well it depends on who you ask. I'll comment on this some later, so let's move to the video for this bit.
The video is light for this line, we see Sean walking to the door, and Taylor walking to greet him at the top of this beautiful stairway of an entry. This is her second outfit. We can't tell too much, but it seems to be slightly see through on the legs, going for a more elegant and yet slightly, dare I say it, sexy look. This all corresponds with the lyrics, the entry way and her dress are magical and heavenly, but they have that edge of madness and sin to them. Seriously, you have to be mad to keep horses in your bedroom!
Saw you there and I thought
Oh my God, look at that face!
You look like, my next mistake
These lines, show us the initial thoughts going through Taylor's head upon falling for someone. We see that she immediately goes to any relationship being a mistake. This is terrible, and one of the sadder line of the song. We generally imagine people like Taylor being better at life than us, and it's wonderful seeing that she's acknowledging she isn't, even if it's through a song that's poking fun at the media and how they portray her. It's also worth noting, however, that this brings up a question. Is there something about him that gives away that this won't last. Perhaps his attention is feigned, or she's memorized the signs. Even if it's a fun song for her, it's worth questioning who caused the relationships to fail, which is not the image the media paints.
For the video, we cut to the bedroom where she's recalling the story, perhaps she's just gotten out of a relationship in these scenes, which would explain the "mourning" nature of her "morning" gown. I'm proud of that one. XD We're back at the top of the stairway, and she's swooning over the picture perfect face of Sean, who is seeing Taylor for possibly the first time, as in that quick shot we see a slight raise of the eyebrow which could be his attention being piqued by Taylor. Also worth noting, his face is stern, he's serious, and he's in it to win. She then makes her way down the stairs, with the grace and mysteriousness one would expect of someone living in this mansion. The dress we now see has a really interesting gap, where the fabric is patterned and see through around the thigh area. Still super elegant.
Love's a game, wanna play?
Love's a game. This gives way for his "win it" attitude. She's offering him a chance at love, and we're about to see if he wins or loses. This continues the poke at the media, as people tend to look at love as being romantic, not about winning or losing, but about finding someone right for you. The media has portrayed Taylor as someone who bounces around dating guys, and them losing. So we see her opening lines, "wanna play?"
She's at the bottom of the stairs, and facing Sean in the video. She starts saying "Love's a" looking down, and then looks up at the mention of "game", measuring Sean's reaction. Her look is almost cold, calculating. If there's a win for Sean, there's a win for her, and she's sizing up the opposition. Upon asking if he wants to play, we see Taylor's cocky side come out. She knows that she's going to win. Does she know the relationship will succeed or fail, and does it matter for her to win. Is she capable of winning in any situation? She offers her hand out to him, in the same way Riku reaches out for Sora in the opening of Kingdom Hearts, not moving forward, but standing tall, not yielding to the other party.
New money, suit and tie
I can read you like a magazine
So, this is probably one of my favorite lines, and that might be due to my loving "new money" as a term. This suitor of hers is new to the lifestyle of hers. He's all dressed up for her, and she can see right through the clothes. We find out that this isn't her first time in this rodeo of love, and she knows the plays before they happen. I wonder if she's good at strategy games, you know, noticing patterns in her enemies movements, and capable of being one step ahead of them. Anyway, the video.
We cut to Sean and Taylor drinking at a dinner table. The contrast between the two is worth noting. Sean drinks his drink without breaking contact, very rigid in his movement. What are his motives, is he trying to protect himself from Taylor for reasons that will make sense in the next line? Perhaps, he's trying to read her. Who is Taylor, and is she what the media is saying she is? She's more playful with her movements, almost teasing him. We see him covering his eyes but then looking up. Is he embarrassed, and is this him realizing that he can't hide. So far we have a fairly natural relationship. One party is more experienced and playful, while one side is more stern and slightly shy, being new to it all. Outfits for this scene, we see Sean ditch the white shirt for a black one, and Taylor is in a beautiful light blue dress with diamond like stripes, still maintaining the see through fabric around the neck area and the arms.
Ain't it funny, rumors fly
And I know you heard about me
So hey, let's be friends
I'm dying to see how this one ends
This line is pure gold. This is Taylor acknowledging the media and what it's saying, and also acknowledging that he's heard all of this. So she opens with "Let's be friends" which is safe. A friendship doesn't require the strings a relationship does, but has the opportunity to evolve into something more. The last line, "I'm dying to see how this one ends" is also a nod to the media, and everyone who consumes that. Tabloids and news outlets don't care about the in between, we're focused on the endings, specifically the bad ones. Here Taylor is pointing this out, commenting on the nature of endings and media.
We slightly see Sean leaning forward at the table, perhaps her acknowledgement has loosened him up. We see them dancing, as well as riding bikes around the living room.This is their journey, and we see that they've become comfortable with each other. They're having fun, and dancing, neither of which require long term commitments but are both signs that could lead to you opening up for more. She ends, looking at the camera, acknowledging further that the desire to see the end is a nod for the viewers/media who dwell on the failures. For the dancing scene, we see Sean now going the opposite direction of the dinner table with a white coat and shirt to complement Taylor's silver sparkled dress. They're in sync now. The bike scene has them in more laid back, East Coast style clothes. Comfortable with each other enough to drop the dress clothes.
Grab your passport and my hand
I can make the bad guys good for a weekend
I like the allusion to traveling here, and I think it ties in nicely to a later line. I also ABSOLUTELY love the way she delivers "I can make the bad guys good for a weekend" in her half singing half talking voice, with the slight, I don't know what to call it, but wonderful tone of "good". It's full of attitude and draws attention to the idea of bad vs. good. Perhaps, it's even a nod to the idea that maybe she's not the cause for the relationship failures, but that it's more the choice of guys and even Taylor Swift isn't capable of turning the bad guys good forever.
In the video, she's painting a portrait of Sean. He's in a more traditional tux, and Taylor is in a very classy business outfit. This moment, when the bad guy is good, is immortalized in the painting. Again, she turns to the camera when she delivers her line, and we see confidence as well as a hint at something more cynical. Which further makes this line the wonderful that it is.
So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain
Here's the traveling again, and the trip's either never ending, or it's going to crash and burn. This is wonderful, because that's A) how most relationships are, and B) what we're led to believe about Taylor's own relationships. I understand that relationships can end mutually, but from what we're led to believe Taylor can't end a relationship mutually. So, she's already saying it won't end well, and informing the other party to let her know, after they've gone down, if it was worth the pain from the breakup. This is quite sad, because she doesn't have a choice of an outcome. All of this, of course, ties into the portrayal of Taylor as someone who dates and then breaks up, all to get a good song out of it.
The video here is interesting, because it starts with Sean smiling at Taylor. It's one of the few times we see him completely comfortable, and free of the stern look that's accompanied him the rest of the video. Also worth noting, he has a really cool cape that I absolutely want, even if I don't have a use for it... Taylor is dressed in a really elegant dress that billows to one side, allowing for easy walking. This is a good choice for when Taylor and Sean walk their three dobermans, which I think could very well be a nice allusion to Cerberus. I said that jokingly, but realized Cerberus is the watch dog of Hades, and if the relationships destined to go South then mayhaps this is a nice allusion. Also, Dobermans have a history of being used as guard or police dogs, which backs up the Cerberus thing, although more recently they are more suitable for family life. This could be a desire for the relationship to actually win out, or just a screenshot of the moment when the relationship was winning out.
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game
First, I think I'm one of the few people who heard this line correctly, and not as "Starbuck's lovers." Next, here we see Taylor commenting on this dating left and right thing we hear from the media, always out with a new guy. She also points out that these ex-lovers of hers won't worry about talking about how insane Taylor Swift is. THIS is an important commentary on gender roles overall. It's always the women who are insane in relationships. Perhaps I only hear and see the guy point of view here, but I haven't ever heard a girl complain to me about the insane guy she was in a relationship with. On to the comment about loving the players vs the game. The meaning can change based on which Taylor "I" is referring to, the real one or the commentary one. Same for "you" who could be either the partner in the relationship or the media. I think this is a Schrödinger's cat situation. Without Taylor telling us specifically, all the possibilities are true.
The video for these lines shows Sean and Taylor riding white horses. Their outfits are typical riding outfits, with Sean wearing a vest, which I absolutely want. The most notable thing here is the shot of Sean glancing up at Taylor, with his ever stoic face. It's no wonder he's a model, he's got the looks down really well.
Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
I just like this line, because it's acknowledging that perhaps the relationship should have ended sooner, but when you're in a relationship you don't think about things like that. Plus, it's super easy to get swept up in all the wonderful feelings that come with a relationship.
Here, we see Taylor running with a beautiful full dress, and Sean in his tux is chasing after her. This brings out the "reckless" she's referring to. Running after one another regardless of the formal attire they are wearing.
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
She's been very clear, and honest about relationships through the whole song. There's a chance for magical moments that take your breath away, but there's the possibility of the crash and burn that leaves the scar.
This is one of my favorite shots of Sean. The way he's looking after Taylor just feels so full of wonder. He's probably realizing that he loves this woman. The cut back to Taylor shows her pan up at the mention of scar, as though she's saying that's exactly what will happen. Especially when portrayed by the media as someone who burns through guys.
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space, baby
And I'll write your name
So the last two lines here are new, and they bring the idea of a blank space. It's as though she's got Taylor and ______ written, waiting for her significant other. However, her willingness to write his name shows that it's not something that she's waiting for. How many names have filled that blank space, and will it ever be anything other than a blank space? Perhaps, it's even showing that she easily trusts guys, and makes herself vulnerable, writing their name in the blank space, trusting they're the one. That's only if we look at this song, not as a commentary on the media's portrayal, but rather as a song that is true to Taylor's character.
We see Taylor putting up the painting of Sean, in a very pretty (makes me think housewife for some reason) dress. This isn't the only painting in the hall, so maybe the insanity has already set in and she's beyond obsessed with him. The way she points at the painting is super adorable, just saying. Thing to note, the painting behind her has a small ax-like weapon across the face. We'll see this later, but is this a mistake, or was it planned to show us that even though she's still in this perfect relationship world it might not actually be a perfect relationship world. We then see Taylor etching Taylor + Sean inside a heart on a tree. Taylor's got a really cute outfit, and Sean is suave as always. They're chemistry here is in sync. We see them kissing under a gazebo, this must be right after he chased her earlier, based on the outfits. These outfits, the gazebo, and the doves flying out from behind the tree, all have a wedding feel to them.
Cherry lips, crystal skies
I could show you incredible things
Cherry lips and crystal skies, I think, are talking about the passion and the smooth sailing of the relationship. I think that bringing up the weather is a perfect way to go into this next verse, as we're now completely in a relationship. The first verse introduced our two characters, and now we see them in a loving relationship. Even still, she's capable of showing incredible things.
Sean and Taylor are now at a picnic. Sean seems to be preoccupied texting someone, while Taylor's head lays on one his legs, a loving look on her face. They're dressed in nice, summery type clothes, for the picnic, and I want the shoes he is wearing for myself. The lack of attention Sean is paying to Taylor contrasts the crystal skies of their relationship.
Stolen kisses, pretty lies
You're the King, baby, I'm your Queen
So, I love the phrase "Stolen Kisses". It's one of those phrases that is generally used for people in relationships, but also denotes the idea of taking a kiss from someone when they aren't expecting it. So, in a relationship it could be super cute. Say someone's watching the game, and their partner sneaks in a kiss that wasn't expected. It's adorable, because it's spontaneous. It can also be kind of negative, as stolen tends to be. Someone can steal a kiss from someone they aren't together with and it might not be welcome, hence the "steal". Pretty Lies makes me think of Pretty Little Liar, even though I've never watched the show. Haha. Pretty lies, honestly though, is similar to white lies, but slightly worse. A white lie is generally told to hide something worse from someone, a pretty lie is just dressed up to avoid being questioned. These I think are dangerous as the truth behind the lie could be crucial to a relationship, but they aren't questioned because of the way it's told. So we're again given contrasts of good and bad, and the great and floundering relationships.The use of King and Queen make me imagine actual Kings and Queens and all the court going ons, what with the secret lovers and the pretty lies throughout the castle. Again though, it's generally a cute thing.
We continue with Taylor and Sean at the picnic. She's still super adorable, and he's still focused on his phone. Probably playing Candy Crush or something, granted it could be a text to his secret lover. We'll never know. We do know that he's not giving Taylor the attention she needs.
Find out what you want
Be that girl for a month
Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh no
This is again, another interesting line. Here we see that perhaps Taylor, who's used to this relationship game, has been doing just that playing and winning. She's clever and finds out exactly what the other person wants from the relationship and she plays along, but only for a while. So we're left to question if this whole relationship has been planned by her from the start. Is this an elaborate ploy to get a good song out of the deal? Which is beyond the greatest thing, because that is exactly what we see from the media. Taylor goes on dates and what not for the sole purpose of getting song ideas.
From the video, we see Taylor up on the balcony, with Sean down below looking up at her. "It's over Anakin. I have the high ground!" she can be heard screaming in the distance! Ok, maybe she isn't actually saying this, but she does here. So, is her high ground a moral one, that she's trying and maybe he isn't which causes the relationship to fail? Or is it a power play? She's played her cards right, and at this point is clear to win. The next shot is back to the picnic, but wait, she's finally noticed that he's into his phone more than her. She's upset with the cutest upset face possible, which just tells you how adorable I find her. =D Regardless of that, we now know that things are about to get fun, both in the music and the video.
Screaming, Crying, Perfect Storms
I can make all the tables turn
Rose garden filled with thorns
Keep you second guessing like
"Oh my God, Who is she?"
I get drunk on jealousy
But you'll come back each time you leave
'Cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream
So, that's a lot, but this is because of the video portion of this. If you've seen the video you know.
This is out first line of actual discord in the relationship. Fighting with each other, ending in someone crying is a typical thing for relationships on the down and out. Perfect Storms, however, is an interesting phrase. Perfect Storm can conjure up many different images, and I think that's something that's best left to the individual, as I don't want to steal your own chance at images from you. The next line is one of the best ones in the song mainly due to the wonderful use of "the tables have turned." Here, we see that Taylor is in complete charge of the tables. Again she's in charge, she knows how to turn every argument in her favor. She knows how to make herself the victim for the purpose of gaining a hit single. Next, we're not sure if the she's the rose garden or the relationship. Either way it looks great, but once you enter you see all the thorns and find out that it's actually better used as a torture device than decoration. This causes her partner to begin question who she is, as it's nothing like the Taylor they met and started the relationship with. She admits that when she gets jealous she reallly gets jealous, but informs us that regardless of how jealous she can get they always come back to her. This is due to the rose garden being super beautiful and captivating. The line she uses however, is the best line in anything I've ever read or heard (maybe an exaggeration, but it's close). She's definitely a daydream. She's someone people dream about, loving, kind, talented, beautiful, smart, and so much more. However, she's actually a nightmare and when you get to know her, as you do in a relationship, you see this. Well, that's the Taylor that people want to believe, and that's what we see when the media tells us about her "recent string of lovers". It's also another one of those half spoken lines which I love so much about Taylor.
The video has her and Sean back in the house, this time the living room where we previously saw them riding bikes. Taylor and Sean are fighting, with Taylor screaming at him, she's obviously the main contributor to the fight. The look on her face when she makes the tables turn is
determined, as though she's not going to lose this and want him to know that. The hand motion of turning the tables is pretty great too. This video portion though creates a great contrast for what I initially thought on hearing the song, in the video Taylor screams "Who is she?" as opposed to Sean, which I originally thought said it. So maybe Taylor's justified in being upset, and when we actually see what's happening we see that, but if we just listen to what we're told we miss that part of the story. This is totally me reading more than needed to though. Final thing of note here, aside from tossing the bouquet, is the way she grabs his face when saying the nightmare line. It's perfect.
So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game
'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space baby
And I'll write your name
There's not a ton to talk about here, as I've commented on all of this, but it's worth noting that now it's in a different light. It's not so much an omen, but more an ultimatum at this point. The relationship is going down, but it's up to her partner if he's going to stick it out. Upon listening to this to the billionth time, I realized that perhaps I had the original intent of blank space wrong. The Blank Space denotes the inspiration for her next song. She's not looking for love, but rather, she's looking for him to ruin the relationship, even if she has to turn the tables to do so, so that she can fill in her next song with his name. Way to go Taylor. I listened to this a ton of times before it made sense.
In the video we have a lot going on. Taylor has crossed the line into insane. A lot of shots involve her crying in front of the fireplace, her makeup smeared down her face, and yet she's still the epitome of beautiful and adorable. The weirdest thing in these scenes is the doe. Just chilling there. Perhaps it's a symbol yo, look it up. Haha. We see her also ruining Sean's things, and things that remind her of him. She drops his phone in the fountain, she cuts and burns his clothes, eventually tossing them out the window, and she attacks the pictures she painted of him, specifically the one we saw her hang up earlier. The ax in the other picture is still there, so at least it the continuity isn't broken, we'll see it up close later.
Boys only want love if it's torture
Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn ya
Boys only want love if it's torture
Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn ya
This marks the third verse, and like any good trio, the third one breaks the model. I learned that in an English class in college. I did learn more than that, I promise. I just felt like giving credit on that one. The rhythm for the lines is different, and words are sung separately rather than all connected. The lines themselves are interesting too. I think it's worth pointing out the use of boys as opposed to men. Boys tend to not have the maturity to properly pursue love, and whether conscious or not, tend toward relationships that are torture. These lines are up for debate, and should be noted that they come in a song that's entirely making fun of media perception, so it should be taken with a grain of salt, though I still really like the lines.
For the video, we see Taylor manipulating an apple, and Sean reacting as though it's him. An apple is an interesting choice, especially for the symbol of sin that goes with it. It's also worth noting the red, which is passion and love. Again, great contrasts, and wonderfully picked for the video. We finally see the picture with the ax in it, and we also see painting that are marked up with paint and scratches. He notices the painting right before she bites an apple and he spits one out. Is this her embracing the sinful aspect of the apple, while he rejects the love in this moment? Worth questioning.
So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game
'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space baby
And I'll write your name
The final time, here the whole thing is definitely in flames. There's no going back, and she's got all she needs to fill the blank with his name as her latest failed relationship.
We cut to her attacking his car with a golf club, such a nice car too. She really goes at it, losing her balance, and just crying and actually getting a nice shot of shattering the headlight. Seriously it's pretty cool. Some of the scenes where she's crying out are really great too, she's got wonderful facial expressions. Can't fault her there. Some other scenes, we're back to her bed, like in the beginning, although this time she's got a knife and heart cake, which erupts in "blood" when she stabs it, ruining the white cake and probably the sheets too. Several shots have her straddling Sean's unconscious(?) body with one foot in the car. She steals a kiss from him, with a sensual lip bite in the process. I do enjoy her standing on the back of the horse, yeah she owns the place. AND MY FAVORITE SCENE of all. She chops the tree where her and Sean wrote their names in a heart. And then she gets upset and does the cutest little fit, which in her heels causes her to stumble a bit. I love how cute it is, but every time I always worry about the ax she's holding. We see Sean drive off in his battered car, the rim of his wheel spinning off to the side as he goes. We end with a new car pulling up, and Sean 2.0 getting out of it, and then the stare down between him and Taylor similar to the start. Taylor smirk and cut!
OVERALL IDEA:
PERFECT
Feel free to discuss, thank you immensely if you read all of this. It was mostly fun. I really do like this song a ton. =D
Monday, December 1, 2014
Giving Thanks or Something
I didn't get around to making a Thanksgiving Post, or Video, and only made a semi "Happy Thanksgiving" status update.
Don't get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving as much as the next person who celebrates Thanksgiving, but it was a little strange this year.
Don't get me wrong again, I had a great Thanksgiving!
Let's back up so I can get this all sorted out shall we?
This year for Thanksgiving I drove to Austin, and stayed with my brother. This was a pretty great change, because I hadn't ACTUALLY stayed with him for a long time. We did all the Thanksgiving festivities with Jessica's family. They had so much good food, and even sent me home with enough to get me through the next week! Thanks by the way, if you're reading this. The food was beyond amazing and I can't believe how much you sent with me. =D
It was a nice, fairly simple Thanksgiving.
One strange thing, was the lack of both my parents and sister this year. My parents had planned to be in Austin too, but my mother got sick and it was a lung thing, which is even worse when you've got Asthma, so they couldn't make the trip. My sister happens to be a working person and gets stuck working on Holidays, especially Black Friday, so she couldn't make it down either.
So while in Austin, aside from eating wonderful food with extended family, watching some sad football games, and just getting to have the wonderful company of Jess' family, I got to hang out with my brother and play games, chat with Jess, and play a lot with my nephew, Harrison. The only part that could be classified as less than exemplary was being woken up each morning to the sound of my nephew screaming, "I WANT STINGRAY I WANT STINGRAY I WANT STINGRAY" on repeat until someone walked into his room, after having only received 5/6 hours of sleep. I don't think I'm cut out for being a parent at the moment. Haha.
When I got back to Houston, I went to dinner with some friends from college, (Pedro, Arnold, Ernest, and Ger, specifically), and then went out to Main Event afterward and just chilled, which was definitely a nice evening. The next day I got to join my cousin Shaun and company, for lunch. We did Red Robin, and then I showed them my place, even if it wasn't the cleanest. I then played a little bit of Dragon Age, before I ran over to where they were to eat steak, and pie, and watch the Alabama/Auburn game. Then Sunday came along, which was mostly just video games, with the occasional meal thrown in.
So Thanksgiving, in and of itself was great. If you're curious as to some of the bigger things I'm thankful for check out this video here:
My major qualm with the whole Thanksgiving deal though, is that the idea of being thankful should be a year round thing. And I get it, it's nice to have a holiday where everyone can gather and do just that, but it doesn't work if you then turn around and fight crowds and people for a 35% off deal. Snagging deals is cool and all, but the rush of NEED is the exact opposite of what Thanksgiving is about, and the too are juxtaposed perfectly (Thanksgiving and Black Friday that is).
Maybe that's because I'm bad at wanting things though, so I just don't understand the hype about Black Friday. Not condemning it as a whole, just saying I think it's frivolous and a contradiction of the very holiday that precedes it.
FURTHERMORE
I found this Thanksgiving to be an especially tough one. Let's just jump into that, and I'll make a nice cut so anyone who feels tired of hearing about the following can skip out now, although I do recommend you continue reading because it is very much something that needs to be talked about.
FERGUSON
At this point, Ferguson is in the minds of people across the world. Everyone and their grandparent has an opinion on whether or not Darren Wilson is guilty or innocent, and people go to extremes to defend their view point.
See, I tend to shy away from controversy. I hate making choices, because I don't want to choose things someone doesn't like. I shy away from anything that could put me at odds with someone else, and too often take the path of silence, and thus quiet agreement with one party.
And I'm pretty much done with that. I don't want to be that guy who doesn't acknowledge atrocities, because it might make a few people on Facebook uncomfortable. I don't want to ignore social issues because someone I grew up with might have a differing opinion.
So here goes, my Second take on Ferguson, and this time a little bit less reserved.
The first thing I want to get out of the way here is the following:
DARREN WILSON SHOWS NO REGRET
I have a lot to say about this. I don't comprehend people who can be so cold as to not be bothered when they take the life of another human being. I've often wondered if I could pull the trigger on someone if they were threatening someone I loved. I always come back to, "I hope I could, but at the same time I know I'd have to go to therapy afterward." BECAUSE TAKING SOMEONE'S LIFE IS A HUGE THING REGARDLESS OF THE SCENARIO!!
If there's anything to really say here it's that I don't want the police officers who are supposed to be protecting me and other citizens to be cold. There is, and always will be, a difference between someone who is cold, and someone who makes the tough choices. I would much rather have someone who knows what those tough choices are, and makes them knowing that they'll have to live with the consequences.
To this point, it doesn't matter the races of officer vs. victim. I want officers who value life, all life.
Nice segue to the next point:
THE PROTESTS IN FERGUSON AND ELSEWHERE ARE ABOUT RACE
I have seen way too many people complain about people making this whole thing about race, and it sickens me to hear people who are so thickheaded that they can't comprehend that it IS IN FACT ABOUT RACE.
I get it though, I've been there. I've held an opinion and thought it to be the be all end all (See: William's old opinion on alcohol). I know what it's like to have someone shatter your world, and how important it is that you hold on to what you knew and learned.
However, this is not one of those times that holding on to the pieces is commendable.
As someone who is half Hispanic and half White, I know where a lot of people are coming from. While I look more Hispanic, and some would say Middle Eastern based on the skin color and hair/facial hair, I have known a very White life. I haven't ever REALLY experienced any outright racism.
In fact, I'm more racist when it comes to me than I think most people are. I talked myself out of even believing acting as a viable choice because there weren't good Hispanic actors to look up to. I've caught myself subconsciously keeping my hands in sight while in stores so I won't be perceived as a thief.
And that's where race comes into this issue. Someone with white skin doesn't have those same issues. They don't have to be extra careful when in stores, because they aren't expected to be thieves. They don't have to talk themselves out of careers, because chances are there's a lot of role models of a similar skin color in that field of work.
My most racist experience, though, came at the hands of a police officer. I was pulled over for driving on the ridges of the highway, the little strip that's supposed to wake you up. The officer asked me if I'd been drinking, which was an acceptable question, he saw me slightly swerve. He also asked if I was sleepy, again acceptable. He then asked if I had any firearms, and then if I had drugs in the vehicle. I guess those could be considered acceptable, questions, although the only "probable cause" he had at this point was that I had driven on those ridges, and that my car was packed due to moving out of the dorm.
At this point he still hasn't really told me why I was pulled over, which if I'm correct in thinking should be among the first things said. He then asks me to get out of the car. I comply. While standing behind me car he comments, several times to my car being packed. He asks me if I have drugs or firearms in my car, though repeats the drug question 6 or 7 more times. He asks if he could search my car, and what he would find if he did. I inform him books and clothes. He asks again if there are drugs.
I should note at this point that I'd never been pulled over before.
He still hasn't really informed me why I was pulled over, and hasn't taken my id or insurance back to his vehicle. He asks me to get in the police car, opening the passenger door for me, and I sit down. He goes back to his side, and runs the insurance/id or whatever they do. He asks AGAIN about drugs, and then notices my nervousness. He asks why, and I inform him it is due to never being pulled over. He comments, saying it's strange that I hadn't. Which was not the response I expected, as though he was taken back by the idea that I could have made it thus far and not been pulled over.
He finally gives me my WARNING and let's me go.
When I told my dad, he informed me that I shouldn't have had to get out of my car, and that getting in the police car was way beyond anything that was acceptable in that situation. My dad is White. See, my dad could have gotten away with being more cocky, and wouldn't have been put through what I was. He even acknowledged that it was probably because of my skin color.
SEE the thing is that most people will never face an injustice like that, but when you aren't White the chance is that you will experience something like that in your lifetime. THAT is what the protests are about.
The protests are for Tamir Rice, a 12 year old boy who was killed by police for having a toy gun in a park. The surveillance videos break my heart, as the cops shoot him down before they're even out of the car. THE WORST THING IS THE MEDIA! If you look up Tamir Rice in the media you'll see that he grew up in a rough neighborhood, you'll hear them say, "Young man", you'll hear that his father might not have been the nicest and his mother too. You don't hear them saying that the victim was a FREAKING TWELVE YEAR OLD BOY!
The protests are for Luis Rodriguez who was beaten to DEATH by FIVE police officers who showed up because a mother slapped her daughter for breaking the family rules in front of a theater. The police KILLED him and then got off scotch free in the process.
There are countless other stories of African Americans, and other minorities who have been killed by police for stupid or no reasons, and then failed by the very justice system that is supposed to serve them.
Final Point:
STOP SAYING BLACK ON WHITE CRIME HAPPENS TOO
Everyone knows this. White on White crime happens. Every race harms every other race. All this argument does is shut down and try to silence the actual issue.
The issue here is that the justice system in the United States IS RACIST when it wants to be, which ALWAYS hurts people who aren't White. We can't keep going on with "America is the best", and whatever sayings we have when our country can't even protect all of it's citizens equally.
Look through newsclips of White guys who went on shooting sprees. They'll almost always be conveyed as disturbed or in need of help. They'll be shown as the nice quiet guy who nobody could believe did this. Contrast that with the newsclips of Black unarmed kids who were killed by police and you'll see that they grew up in a rough home, that their neighborhoods were rough, that they once took a picture posing like a thug, all basically trying to say that THEY HAD IT COMING.
I'm going to end this post with that, because the next thing on my mind is Steubenville and how the rapists on the football team were victims because they had such aspiring careers in Football. Not to mention the whole town tried to cover it up and brush it under the rug. Which sickens me even more!
Ok, I'm sorry I'm done.
I hope you're tired of hearing about this. I hope that these injustices hurt you. I hope you think about the families that have to live on, and go through Thanksgiving, after a father, a son, a brother has been killed by someone who was supposed to protect them. Stop trying to say, "Not All Cops" and stop saying, "It isn't about race." Accept that it is about race, and it's not all cops, but it's enough of a problem that every minority grows up partially fearing the very institution that's supposed to protect them.
I'm sorry I went angry and blunt and what not, but it was needed. Even with that, lot's of people will write this, and me, off as a fanatical rant. Still, I couldn't sit by and not say something.
If there's any inconsistencies you'd like to discuss I'd love to. I like chatting about issues, and will do everything I can to make it a learning experience for both of us.
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, even with all of this, and that you take a moment every day to be thankful for what you have. Love you all, don't forget to smile, and see you next time! =D
Don't get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving as much as the next person who celebrates Thanksgiving, but it was a little strange this year.
Don't get me wrong again, I had a great Thanksgiving!
Let's back up so I can get this all sorted out shall we?
This year for Thanksgiving I drove to Austin, and stayed with my brother. This was a pretty great change, because I hadn't ACTUALLY stayed with him for a long time. We did all the Thanksgiving festivities with Jessica's family. They had so much good food, and even sent me home with enough to get me through the next week! Thanks by the way, if you're reading this. The food was beyond amazing and I can't believe how much you sent with me. =D
It was a nice, fairly simple Thanksgiving.
One strange thing, was the lack of both my parents and sister this year. My parents had planned to be in Austin too, but my mother got sick and it was a lung thing, which is even worse when you've got Asthma, so they couldn't make the trip. My sister happens to be a working person and gets stuck working on Holidays, especially Black Friday, so she couldn't make it down either.
So while in Austin, aside from eating wonderful food with extended family, watching some sad football games, and just getting to have the wonderful company of Jess' family, I got to hang out with my brother and play games, chat with Jess, and play a lot with my nephew, Harrison. The only part that could be classified as less than exemplary was being woken up each morning to the sound of my nephew screaming, "I WANT STINGRAY I WANT STINGRAY I WANT STINGRAY" on repeat until someone walked into his room, after having only received 5/6 hours of sleep. I don't think I'm cut out for being a parent at the moment. Haha.
When I got back to Houston, I went to dinner with some friends from college, (Pedro, Arnold, Ernest, and Ger, specifically), and then went out to Main Event afterward and just chilled, which was definitely a nice evening. The next day I got to join my cousin Shaun and company, for lunch. We did Red Robin, and then I showed them my place, even if it wasn't the cleanest. I then played a little bit of Dragon Age, before I ran over to where they were to eat steak, and pie, and watch the Alabama/Auburn game. Then Sunday came along, which was mostly just video games, with the occasional meal thrown in.
So Thanksgiving, in and of itself was great. If you're curious as to some of the bigger things I'm thankful for check out this video here:
My major qualm with the whole Thanksgiving deal though, is that the idea of being thankful should be a year round thing. And I get it, it's nice to have a holiday where everyone can gather and do just that, but it doesn't work if you then turn around and fight crowds and people for a 35% off deal. Snagging deals is cool and all, but the rush of NEED is the exact opposite of what Thanksgiving is about, and the too are juxtaposed perfectly (Thanksgiving and Black Friday that is).
Maybe that's because I'm bad at wanting things though, so I just don't understand the hype about Black Friday. Not condemning it as a whole, just saying I think it's frivolous and a contradiction of the very holiday that precedes it.
FURTHERMORE
I found this Thanksgiving to be an especially tough one. Let's just jump into that, and I'll make a nice cut so anyone who feels tired of hearing about the following can skip out now, although I do recommend you continue reading because it is very much something that needs to be talked about.
FERGUSON
At this point, Ferguson is in the minds of people across the world. Everyone and their grandparent has an opinion on whether or not Darren Wilson is guilty or innocent, and people go to extremes to defend their view point.
See, I tend to shy away from controversy. I hate making choices, because I don't want to choose things someone doesn't like. I shy away from anything that could put me at odds with someone else, and too often take the path of silence, and thus quiet agreement with one party.
And I'm pretty much done with that. I don't want to be that guy who doesn't acknowledge atrocities, because it might make a few people on Facebook uncomfortable. I don't want to ignore social issues because someone I grew up with might have a differing opinion.
So here goes, my Second take on Ferguson, and this time a little bit less reserved.
The first thing I want to get out of the way here is the following:
DARREN WILSON SHOWS NO REGRET
I have a lot to say about this. I don't comprehend people who can be so cold as to not be bothered when they take the life of another human being. I've often wondered if I could pull the trigger on someone if they were threatening someone I loved. I always come back to, "I hope I could, but at the same time I know I'd have to go to therapy afterward." BECAUSE TAKING SOMEONE'S LIFE IS A HUGE THING REGARDLESS OF THE SCENARIO!!
If there's anything to really say here it's that I don't want the police officers who are supposed to be protecting me and other citizens to be cold. There is, and always will be, a difference between someone who is cold, and someone who makes the tough choices. I would much rather have someone who knows what those tough choices are, and makes them knowing that they'll have to live with the consequences.
To this point, it doesn't matter the races of officer vs. victim. I want officers who value life, all life.
Nice segue to the next point:
THE PROTESTS IN FERGUSON AND ELSEWHERE ARE ABOUT RACE
I have seen way too many people complain about people making this whole thing about race, and it sickens me to hear people who are so thickheaded that they can't comprehend that it IS IN FACT ABOUT RACE.
I get it though, I've been there. I've held an opinion and thought it to be the be all end all (See: William's old opinion on alcohol). I know what it's like to have someone shatter your world, and how important it is that you hold on to what you knew and learned.
However, this is not one of those times that holding on to the pieces is commendable.
As someone who is half Hispanic and half White, I know where a lot of people are coming from. While I look more Hispanic, and some would say Middle Eastern based on the skin color and hair/facial hair, I have known a very White life. I haven't ever REALLY experienced any outright racism.
In fact, I'm more racist when it comes to me than I think most people are. I talked myself out of even believing acting as a viable choice because there weren't good Hispanic actors to look up to. I've caught myself subconsciously keeping my hands in sight while in stores so I won't be perceived as a thief.
And that's where race comes into this issue. Someone with white skin doesn't have those same issues. They don't have to be extra careful when in stores, because they aren't expected to be thieves. They don't have to talk themselves out of careers, because chances are there's a lot of role models of a similar skin color in that field of work.
My most racist experience, though, came at the hands of a police officer. I was pulled over for driving on the ridges of the highway, the little strip that's supposed to wake you up. The officer asked me if I'd been drinking, which was an acceptable question, he saw me slightly swerve. He also asked if I was sleepy, again acceptable. He then asked if I had any firearms, and then if I had drugs in the vehicle. I guess those could be considered acceptable, questions, although the only "probable cause" he had at this point was that I had driven on those ridges, and that my car was packed due to moving out of the dorm.
At this point he still hasn't really told me why I was pulled over, which if I'm correct in thinking should be among the first things said. He then asks me to get out of the car. I comply. While standing behind me car he comments, several times to my car being packed. He asks me if I have drugs or firearms in my car, though repeats the drug question 6 or 7 more times. He asks if he could search my car, and what he would find if he did. I inform him books and clothes. He asks again if there are drugs.
I should note at this point that I'd never been pulled over before.
He still hasn't really informed me why I was pulled over, and hasn't taken my id or insurance back to his vehicle. He asks me to get in the police car, opening the passenger door for me, and I sit down. He goes back to his side, and runs the insurance/id or whatever they do. He asks AGAIN about drugs, and then notices my nervousness. He asks why, and I inform him it is due to never being pulled over. He comments, saying it's strange that I hadn't. Which was not the response I expected, as though he was taken back by the idea that I could have made it thus far and not been pulled over.
He finally gives me my WARNING and let's me go.
When I told my dad, he informed me that I shouldn't have had to get out of my car, and that getting in the police car was way beyond anything that was acceptable in that situation. My dad is White. See, my dad could have gotten away with being more cocky, and wouldn't have been put through what I was. He even acknowledged that it was probably because of my skin color.
SEE the thing is that most people will never face an injustice like that, but when you aren't White the chance is that you will experience something like that in your lifetime. THAT is what the protests are about.
The protests are for Tamir Rice, a 12 year old boy who was killed by police for having a toy gun in a park. The surveillance videos break my heart, as the cops shoot him down before they're even out of the car. THE WORST THING IS THE MEDIA! If you look up Tamir Rice in the media you'll see that he grew up in a rough neighborhood, you'll hear them say, "Young man", you'll hear that his father might not have been the nicest and his mother too. You don't hear them saying that the victim was a FREAKING TWELVE YEAR OLD BOY!
The protests are for Luis Rodriguez who was beaten to DEATH by FIVE police officers who showed up because a mother slapped her daughter for breaking the family rules in front of a theater. The police KILLED him and then got off scotch free in the process.
There are countless other stories of African Americans, and other minorities who have been killed by police for stupid or no reasons, and then failed by the very justice system that is supposed to serve them.
Final Point:
STOP SAYING BLACK ON WHITE CRIME HAPPENS TOO
Everyone knows this. White on White crime happens. Every race harms every other race. All this argument does is shut down and try to silence the actual issue.
The issue here is that the justice system in the United States IS RACIST when it wants to be, which ALWAYS hurts people who aren't White. We can't keep going on with "America is the best", and whatever sayings we have when our country can't even protect all of it's citizens equally.
Look through newsclips of White guys who went on shooting sprees. They'll almost always be conveyed as disturbed or in need of help. They'll be shown as the nice quiet guy who nobody could believe did this. Contrast that with the newsclips of Black unarmed kids who were killed by police and you'll see that they grew up in a rough home, that their neighborhoods were rough, that they once took a picture posing like a thug, all basically trying to say that THEY HAD IT COMING.
I'm going to end this post with that, because the next thing on my mind is Steubenville and how the rapists on the football team were victims because they had such aspiring careers in Football. Not to mention the whole town tried to cover it up and brush it under the rug. Which sickens me even more!
Ok, I'm sorry I'm done.
I hope you're tired of hearing about this. I hope that these injustices hurt you. I hope you think about the families that have to live on, and go through Thanksgiving, after a father, a son, a brother has been killed by someone who was supposed to protect them. Stop trying to say, "Not All Cops" and stop saying, "It isn't about race." Accept that it is about race, and it's not all cops, but it's enough of a problem that every minority grows up partially fearing the very institution that's supposed to protect them.
I'm sorry I went angry and blunt and what not, but it was needed. Even with that, lot's of people will write this, and me, off as a fanatical rant. Still, I couldn't sit by and not say something.
If there's any inconsistencies you'd like to discuss I'd love to. I like chatting about issues, and will do everything I can to make it a learning experience for both of us.
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, even with all of this, and that you take a moment every day to be thankful for what you have. Love you all, don't forget to smile, and see you next time! =D
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Preview of Blank Space Analysis
"Blank Space" by Taylor Swift
Nice to meet you, where you been?I could show you incredible things.
This is a wonderful opener, I think, and it sets the stage for a song with a story. We hear Taylor meeting someone, and letting them know that with her they'll go on wonderful journeys. This is the kind of confidence that I would expect from Taylor. She knows she's capable of introducing this person to new things. Maybe I like it because it makes me think of, "I can show you the world, etc..."
Looking at the video as well, we see a model of a man (quite literally, he's a really down to Earth model from the one interview I read after he did this video) drive up in a wonderfully classy car (of which I don't know the make or model, but I'm not a car guy, so it's good). Our first shot of Taylor is on a bed, with breakfast on a platter. She's wearing a super classy night gown(? not sure on the term here), and is freshly woken, the sleep mask pulled up on her forehead. My first thought on the black gown was that it looked vaguely reminiscent of someone in mourning. The Black definitely contrasts the White of the bedroom, the cat, and the horses. Now, she's not actually just woken up, as I know very few people who can look that wonderful after having just woken up, but shh, this is setting the stage as the beginning of the journey (see day) she goes on with this man. Also worth noting, she's holding her actual cat, Olivia Benson. The next shot of Sean, the model, is him looking around realizing that this is actually an incredible thing, and then back to a wide shot of Taylor's room showing a quite spacious bedroom with TWO white horses, among the rest of the beautiful setting. Clearly she CAN show you incredible things.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
What's Next?
So, I started making videos again. Not sure if I mentioned that previously. It's not the first time I've started a vlogging venture, but I feel confident with what I've started, and looking forward to expanding it and getting better at it as time goes on.
So, what does that mean for this guy? Or gal? I dunno if I ever gave my blog a gender. Perhaps it's just an inanimate object that displays my thoughts, thus making it, if anything, a man?
Regardless, I've been thinking this over for a while now. It would be easy to drop this and only do the video blog thingy, but part of me really enjoys sitting down and writing my thoughts out here. It's kind of therapeutic and good experience with writing in general.
So, again, what does that mean for the blog?
Well, I'll still be posting here. Most likely with the same frequency I do now, so once every whenever I feel like it. As of right now, I will have a new video up on my channel every Monday for a long time, and hopefully I can add in a second video on Thursdays? Or maybe Wednesdays? I'm not sure. Still trying to figure this all out.
Perhaps I can use this blog as a supplement for my videos. Getting all the words out that I couldn't get in the video, because I cut a lot out to make a video that isn't 13 minutes long. I have a lot to say usually. Haha.
So, this is just a quick update on where I and this blog stand. Thanks for reading, don't forget to smile and see you soon! =D
So, what does that mean for this guy? Or gal? I dunno if I ever gave my blog a gender. Perhaps it's just an inanimate object that displays my thoughts, thus making it, if anything, a man?
Regardless, I've been thinking this over for a while now. It would be easy to drop this and only do the video blog thingy, but part of me really enjoys sitting down and writing my thoughts out here. It's kind of therapeutic and good experience with writing in general.
So, again, what does that mean for the blog?
Well, I'll still be posting here. Most likely with the same frequency I do now, so once every whenever I feel like it. As of right now, I will have a new video up on my channel every Monday for a long time, and hopefully I can add in a second video on Thursdays? Or maybe Wednesdays? I'm not sure. Still trying to figure this all out.
Perhaps I can use this blog as a supplement for my videos. Getting all the words out that I couldn't get in the video, because I cut a lot out to make a video that isn't 13 minutes long. I have a lot to say usually. Haha.
So, this is just a quick update on where I and this blog stand. Thanks for reading, don't forget to smile and see you soon! =D
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Let's Catch Some Waves
You know what I'm tired of hearing about?
Ferguson.
I hope that Ferguson never falls out of the public eye.
Those sound pretty contradictory William.
They aren't and let me explain before you explode one way or the other.
I'm tired of hearing about Ferguson because every article I read, every post someone makes, I can't fathom the fact that there are still people out there who don't get it. As someone who readily acknowledges I have too much faith in humanity, it hurts my soul when I read completely honest responses from people who downplay the race situation here.
Now, I'm not African American. I'm Hispanic. Sorta. I'm technically white. Being half and half makes things weird. I grew up with a white version of the world. My culture is American, and I don't even know Spanish. My skin color says something entirely different. I learned at a young age that I needed to be extra careful of what I did in public so as to not be perceived as a criminal. This was around the same time I told myself I could never be an actor as there weren't any respectable roles for darker skinned people.
I don't know if I was explicitly told these things, but I know people who are African American and grew up being told EXPLICITLY that they needed to go out of their way to avoid being even suspected, and if they were then they had to be the absolute definition of compliant in order to get off as best as they could.
Today, parents can't even tell their young kids to surrender to the cops, because, let's be honest here, that's officially a LIE. Don't know if I can say that any more bluntly.
I've read a lot of articles recently, and I had one that made me want to yell at my friends who shared it. The title read "7 tips to keep from being shot by a cop." (Hardest thing to find, geeze!)
The tips are as follows:
Now, I agree, these are nice guidelines
BUT
COPS SHOULD NOT SHOOT SOMEONE FOR LOITERING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!! OR CAROUSING AT NIGHT!! OR EVEN ROBBING A FREAKING CONVENIENCE STORE!!
Like, how does someone stealing something give you the right to kill them? We have a whole justice system in place to punish these sorts of things. Taking someone's life for that, well there's a special place in hell for people like you. That's super mean, but I need you to understand that I'm the variety of human that actually values human life. ALL HUMAN LIFE. And even as I wrote that bit about the special place in hell, I immediately thought, well unless you repent and accept Jesus as your savior, and mean it in your heart, but that's a different blog post.
Ferguson has created a series of waves. People are having their eyes opened to the injustices that exist in our back yard. I want this to become a Tsunami. I want there to be destruction in it's path. Not like, riot destruction, mind you, but more a change to our systems, to our mindsets.
Much like my belief that there shouldn't be a "tenure" system for teachers, I don't think cops should have a free pass. I think we need to be just as strict, if not more so on the people who take an oath to protect us.
This spills over to any person who has any sort of authority, not just cops. I think everyone in authoritative positions needs to reevaluate themselves and their systems. I want to see weeds being pulled in all levels of government. I want people who constantly state, "There's no racial issue in Ferguson" to be knocked down a peg until they realize and accept it.
In the past week or so, I have read more stories about how a similar crime landed a person of color a much more intense sentence than a white person that it makes me sick to think I used to idolize this country.
The USA, post slavery and civil rights, is still really young. That doesn't excuse us from being blind to the errors in the system. In terms of code, a Developer who knows an error exists but decides to just pretend it isn't there will eventually encounter that issue. They can pretend it doesn't exist by dressing it up, but it's still there, and one day it'll become the vulnerability that a hacker uses to bring the whole thing down.
This error is out on the open. Everyone can see the line of code that's wrong. You've got a lot of people who want to fix the code, but there's still a large number of people claiming it's not an error and everyone else is throwing it in the wrong light.
I'm not in Ferguson. I don't have first hand accounts. So, here's my contribution. If you for whatever reason think that the cops are in the right, or the situation is being overplayed I ask that you tell me. Message me, comment, whatever. I want to talk with you. Why does it seem that way to you? We can figure this out together.
I'm planning a trip to France, and I was informed by my father to be careful, because I could be perceived as "terrorist-like" due to my having brown skin. There's nothing I want more than for this to not be an issue. Ever.
Let's help these waves grow. Let this be the start of some major, essential, changes in our world and society.
Love you all, and hope that in whatever way possible this can help.
Ferguson.
I hope that Ferguson never falls out of the public eye.
Those sound pretty contradictory William.
They aren't and let me explain before you explode one way or the other.
I'm tired of hearing about Ferguson because every article I read, every post someone makes, I can't fathom the fact that there are still people out there who don't get it. As someone who readily acknowledges I have too much faith in humanity, it hurts my soul when I read completely honest responses from people who downplay the race situation here.
Now, I'm not African American. I'm Hispanic. Sorta. I'm technically white. Being half and half makes things weird. I grew up with a white version of the world. My culture is American, and I don't even know Spanish. My skin color says something entirely different. I learned at a young age that I needed to be extra careful of what I did in public so as to not be perceived as a criminal. This was around the same time I told myself I could never be an actor as there weren't any respectable roles for darker skinned people.
I don't know if I was explicitly told these things, but I know people who are African American and grew up being told EXPLICITLY that they needed to go out of their way to avoid being even suspected, and if they were then they had to be the absolute definition of compliant in order to get off as best as they could.
Today, parents can't even tell their young kids to surrender to the cops, because, let's be honest here, that's officially a LIE. Don't know if I can say that any more bluntly.
I've read a lot of articles recently, and I had one that made me want to yell at my friends who shared it. The title read "7 tips to keep from being shot by a cop." (Hardest thing to find, geeze!)
The tips are as follows:
1. Don’t be in a gang.
2. Don’t rob convenience stores.
3. Don’t do or sell drugs.
4. Don’t loiter on street corners or walk down the middle of the street.
5. Don’t carouse at night.
6. If you are stopped by a police officer, comply with his or her orders. If you don’t like what they are doing, record the incident and hire an attorney.
7. Do not, under any circumstances, attack the officer, hit the officer, or try to take the officer’s gun away from the officer.
(Source: http://buzzpo.com/7-tips-to-keep-from-being-shot-by-a-cop/)Now, I agree, these are nice guidelines
BUT
COPS SHOULD NOT SHOOT SOMEONE FOR LOITERING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!! OR CAROUSING AT NIGHT!! OR EVEN ROBBING A FREAKING CONVENIENCE STORE!!
Like, how does someone stealing something give you the right to kill them? We have a whole justice system in place to punish these sorts of things. Taking someone's life for that, well there's a special place in hell for people like you. That's super mean, but I need you to understand that I'm the variety of human that actually values human life. ALL HUMAN LIFE. And even as I wrote that bit about the special place in hell, I immediately thought, well unless you repent and accept Jesus as your savior, and mean it in your heart, but that's a different blog post.
Ferguson has created a series of waves. People are having their eyes opened to the injustices that exist in our back yard. I want this to become a Tsunami. I want there to be destruction in it's path. Not like, riot destruction, mind you, but more a change to our systems, to our mindsets.
Much like my belief that there shouldn't be a "tenure" system for teachers, I don't think cops should have a free pass. I think we need to be just as strict, if not more so on the people who take an oath to protect us.
This spills over to any person who has any sort of authority, not just cops. I think everyone in authoritative positions needs to reevaluate themselves and their systems. I want to see weeds being pulled in all levels of government. I want people who constantly state, "There's no racial issue in Ferguson" to be knocked down a peg until they realize and accept it.
In the past week or so, I have read more stories about how a similar crime landed a person of color a much more intense sentence than a white person that it makes me sick to think I used to idolize this country.
The USA, post slavery and civil rights, is still really young. That doesn't excuse us from being blind to the errors in the system. In terms of code, a Developer who knows an error exists but decides to just pretend it isn't there will eventually encounter that issue. They can pretend it doesn't exist by dressing it up, but it's still there, and one day it'll become the vulnerability that a hacker uses to bring the whole thing down.
This error is out on the open. Everyone can see the line of code that's wrong. You've got a lot of people who want to fix the code, but there's still a large number of people claiming it's not an error and everyone else is throwing it in the wrong light.
I'm not in Ferguson. I don't have first hand accounts. So, here's my contribution. If you for whatever reason think that the cops are in the right, or the situation is being overplayed I ask that you tell me. Message me, comment, whatever. I want to talk with you. Why does it seem that way to you? We can figure this out together.
I'm planning a trip to France, and I was informed by my father to be careful, because I could be perceived as "terrorist-like" due to my having brown skin. There's nothing I want more than for this to not be an issue. Ever.
Let's help these waves grow. Let this be the start of some major, essential, changes in our world and society.
Love you all, and hope that in whatever way possible this can help.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Every Rose Has Its Thorns
I am such a Masochist.
I apologize now for any utter confused/shocked/whatever reaction that just caused.
I woke up this morning, after a particularly rough night of sleep with one thing on my mind.
I get myself into some pretty tough situations emotionally.
After laying in bed thinking about it and why, I came up with an interesting statement that is actually one of the truest things I've thought in my half awake state.
When it comes to friends, I allow a lot of things that I would never allow outside of friendship.
Mostly talking about poking fun and what not. The conversation also came up on a recent trip to Austin where I was asked, "You'd say something if it really bothered you, right?" This was in response to some really silly jokes and what not.
So, would I say something?
I've been cursed with this undying need to be "too nice" to people. As a result, I don't really do well with the honestly telling people if I'm not enjoying a situation, especially if it looks like they are.
Number not-even-gonna-try-the-number-would-be-too-large of my major character flaws. It's not a new thing, so it's something that I've grown with. As a result, I've put up with a lot of jokes and what not because it was better to have friends that made fun of me playfully than not have friends at all.
When my friend asked if I'd say something if I was bothered, my initial response in my head was, "Probably not." Followed by, "Would I even know if it really bothered me?"
I've played this game so long I think I've become a little numb to the feeling. It's become second nature for friendships to poke fun at one another.
Clarification, I value every single one of my friendships as this isn't an issue on their part, but more so on mine. It's not you it's me.
They don't actually force me to be ok with any of this, and they don't force me in the awkward/tough situations I put myself in in the name of friendship.
So, this post isn't focused on anyone or anything that needs to be changed. This post is more a mental note for myself. Maybe a note for someone else in a similar situation.
Friendship is one of the greatest things to ever happen. However, if at any point you are actively belittling yourself to maintain said friendship you need to step back and reevaluate it. A true friendship, while maybe not perfect, will build you up.
I've grown a life motto to accept the bad with the good. No use dwelling on the negative things because, to quote Doctor Who, "The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."
I roll with the punches. Every bad thing has been just that, bad. I've learned from them though, and I'm a better person today because of it. And I don't eclipse the bad things when good things happen, but I don't let the bad things eclipse the good.
Moral Of The Story:
Life has thorns. Friendships might have thorns. The key is finding the roses that are more rose than thorn. Everyone has different thresholds, but if you leave a social setting with friends feeling worse then when you entered it you should check if that's an anomaly or a regular occurrence and then, as only you can, weigh the worth of that in your life.
Make good choices, respect yourself, and never feel bad about asking for help. Love you all dearly.
I apologize now for any utter confused/shocked/whatever reaction that just caused.
I woke up this morning, after a particularly rough night of sleep with one thing on my mind.
I get myself into some pretty tough situations emotionally.
After laying in bed thinking about it and why, I came up with an interesting statement that is actually one of the truest things I've thought in my half awake state.
When it comes to friends, I allow a lot of things that I would never allow outside of friendship.
Mostly talking about poking fun and what not. The conversation also came up on a recent trip to Austin where I was asked, "You'd say something if it really bothered you, right?" This was in response to some really silly jokes and what not.
So, would I say something?
I've been cursed with this undying need to be "too nice" to people. As a result, I don't really do well with the honestly telling people if I'm not enjoying a situation, especially if it looks like they are.
Number not-even-gonna-try-the-number-would-be-too-large of my major character flaws. It's not a new thing, so it's something that I've grown with. As a result, I've put up with a lot of jokes and what not because it was better to have friends that made fun of me playfully than not have friends at all.
When my friend asked if I'd say something if I was bothered, my initial response in my head was, "Probably not." Followed by, "Would I even know if it really bothered me?"
I've played this game so long I think I've become a little numb to the feeling. It's become second nature for friendships to poke fun at one another.
Clarification, I value every single one of my friendships as this isn't an issue on their part, but more so on mine. It's not you it's me.
They don't actually force me to be ok with any of this, and they don't force me in the awkward/tough situations I put myself in in the name of friendship.
So, this post isn't focused on anyone or anything that needs to be changed. This post is more a mental note for myself. Maybe a note for someone else in a similar situation.
Friendship is one of the greatest things to ever happen. However, if at any point you are actively belittling yourself to maintain said friendship you need to step back and reevaluate it. A true friendship, while maybe not perfect, will build you up.
I've grown a life motto to accept the bad with the good. No use dwelling on the negative things because, to quote Doctor Who, "The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."
I roll with the punches. Every bad thing has been just that, bad. I've learned from them though, and I'm a better person today because of it. And I don't eclipse the bad things when good things happen, but I don't let the bad things eclipse the good.
Moral Of The Story:
Life has thorns. Friendships might have thorns. The key is finding the roses that are more rose than thorn. Everyone has different thresholds, but if you leave a social setting with friends feeling worse then when you entered it you should check if that's an anomaly or a regular occurrence and then, as only you can, weigh the worth of that in your life.
Make good choices, respect yourself, and never feel bad about asking for help. Love you all dearly.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
The Power of Friendship
This post should complement my video (right below this line) I made recently, both dealing with friendship.
I've detailed in the past how important friends are to me. I'm the tin man and friendship is the oil that keep me from rusting to a stand still.
When I moved to Houston I was not scared for any reasons that my dad was. I was confident in my abilities dealing with finances. I was sure of my common sense for risky situations.
No.
What I was terrified of was spending the next few years working in a job, that might make me happy and yet lack a very key thing.
I'm sure you guessed it already.
Friends.
I was honestly terrified that my life would be go to work, come home, play video games, sleep, and repeat. That sounds nice and all until you actually get there. When you're only leaving the house to go to work you realize that something huge is missing.
"It's alright because I interact with my team so I get my human interaction there."
I told myself.
I told others.
Inside I was worried.
What if I don't get to the point of hanging with my team outside of work?
What if I only ever hang out with people when I drive back to Austin?
So I made one resolve.
Get involved.
Hewlett-Packard has a really cool program called YEN (Young Employee Network) that's run by young employees with the goal of bringing them together.
I signed up for the mailing list, and went on with my time.
Until a team member sent the following, "Hey there's this Top Golf thing tonight. I don't know if you got it."
Top Golf? I'm in!
That's where it all started.
I got to go with some coworkers, and we met up with the YEN people.
Here's where it starts. Here's where some of the most amazing people step into my life.
Since then, I've jumped at every opportunity to hang out with/meet people.
World Cup?
YEAH!
Schlitterbahn??
OF COURSE!!
Playing Soccer???
ALWAYS!!!
Billy Joel by Michael Cavanaugh????
COUNT ME IN!!!!
And so much more.
It's really strange how seamless it is to make friends. There's no formula I could follow, and there's no way I could make a how to.
Making friends is something that terrifies me because it isn't something logical.
I recently got access to an old e-mail account. My middle school e-mail account to be exact.
I was a terrible eighth grader. I should have had no friends based on my responses to things in e-mails, and yet somehow I magicked some amazing friends.
I've grown up tremendously since then, and yet I still feel like I should drive people away at times.
Yet for whatever reason, friendship doesn't work that way. It powers through that.
So, like I said in the video, here's an official invite to be my friend. Someone who I care for regardless of the illogical factors.
When it's all said and done, I'd much rather care too much then not care enough. So, I care for you. I will always care for you.
I hope you are having a wonderful life.
If you aren't, I'm here for you. I love you, and I wish you the best!
I've detailed in the past how important friends are to me. I'm the tin man and friendship is the oil that keep me from rusting to a stand still.
When I moved to Houston I was not scared for any reasons that my dad was. I was confident in my abilities dealing with finances. I was sure of my common sense for risky situations.
No.
What I was terrified of was spending the next few years working in a job, that might make me happy and yet lack a very key thing.
I'm sure you guessed it already.
Friends.
I was honestly terrified that my life would be go to work, come home, play video games, sleep, and repeat. That sounds nice and all until you actually get there. When you're only leaving the house to go to work you realize that something huge is missing.
"It's alright because I interact with my team so I get my human interaction there."
I told myself.
I told others.
Inside I was worried.
What if I don't get to the point of hanging with my team outside of work?
What if I only ever hang out with people when I drive back to Austin?
So I made one resolve.
Get involved.
Hewlett-Packard has a really cool program called YEN (Young Employee Network) that's run by young employees with the goal of bringing them together.
I signed up for the mailing list, and went on with my time.
Until a team member sent the following, "Hey there's this Top Golf thing tonight. I don't know if you got it."
Top Golf? I'm in!
That's where it all started.
I got to go with some coworkers, and we met up with the YEN people.
Here's where it starts. Here's where some of the most amazing people step into my life.
Since then, I've jumped at every opportunity to hang out with/meet people.
World Cup?
YEAH!
Schlitterbahn??
OF COURSE!!
Playing Soccer???
ALWAYS!!!
Billy Joel by Michael Cavanaugh????
COUNT ME IN!!!!
And so much more.
It's really strange how seamless it is to make friends. There's no formula I could follow, and there's no way I could make a how to.
Making friends is something that terrifies me because it isn't something logical.
I recently got access to an old e-mail account. My middle school e-mail account to be exact.
I was a terrible eighth grader. I should have had no friends based on my responses to things in e-mails, and yet somehow I magicked some amazing friends.
I've grown up tremendously since then, and yet I still feel like I should drive people away at times.
Yet for whatever reason, friendship doesn't work that way. It powers through that.
So, like I said in the video, here's an official invite to be my friend. Someone who I care for regardless of the illogical factors.
When it's all said and done, I'd much rather care too much then not care enough. So, I care for you. I will always care for you.
I hope you are having a wonderful life.
If you aren't, I'm here for you. I love you, and I wish you the best!
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Cloud Nine and Rock Bottom
This weekend I was in Amarillo for one of my best friends' wedding. I was on top of the world.
Real quick note:
The friend was Chris, and I admire this guy like no other. He's kind and pure and every bit the person I continually strive to be. He married Katie. She's wonderful, and if there was anyone who was perfect for Chris it is her.
While I was in town I also got to catch up with several old friends, and I got to make some new ones. That was wonderful, because some of the friends I hadn't seen since graduation.
I was on cloud nine.
Today I received a phone call from my father. My grandmother passed away last night.
Crying is nice, because you let all the emotions out. Crying drains you, but when it's all out, there's this strangely nice feeling left. After you've cried, curled up in a ball on your bed, you slowly unroll as your body starts to send signals, such as, "I'm hungry.", "I'm cramping, this is uncomfortable.", "I need to go to the bathroom." and many more messages signaling a physical need for something. While unrolling, you look around you and start to take note of all the things around you, things that you had previously not thought about. This is where that strangely nice feeling comes into play.
There's still life in you. There's still the ability to go out and do something. Whatever it was that made you cry doesn't mean less, and it sure doesn't hurt less, but all of a sudden there's this realization that life has a way of moving on.
Crying is nice.
Being incapable of crying is not.
That's been me today. Everything has felt slow, I've felt sluggish, and all the while there's this weight that I can't find the words to describe. I feel terrible, because I was out of it all day at work, and I tried to do things here and there, but I could feel myself out of it. It's a Combs' curse to feel the need to stay strong when we should seek the help of others, and I couldn't bring myself to tell my team. They would have helped, I know they would have, but I couldn't do it.
The end result is the same though. There's this bittersweet realization to it. The old Rose and Thorn saying.
So, with that, I'm leaving this rather short.
I hope you all find something that keeps you looking up when things go south. Thank you God for giving me the strength to move through all the obstacles in front of me, and I pray you give the same strength to everyone who has ever felt as though they were rock bottom.
Real quick note:
The friend was Chris, and I admire this guy like no other. He's kind and pure and every bit the person I continually strive to be. He married Katie. She's wonderful, and if there was anyone who was perfect for Chris it is her.
While I was in town I also got to catch up with several old friends, and I got to make some new ones. That was wonderful, because some of the friends I hadn't seen since graduation.
I was on cloud nine.
Today I received a phone call from my father. My grandmother passed away last night.
Crying is nice, because you let all the emotions out. Crying drains you, but when it's all out, there's this strangely nice feeling left. After you've cried, curled up in a ball on your bed, you slowly unroll as your body starts to send signals, such as, "I'm hungry.", "I'm cramping, this is uncomfortable.", "I need to go to the bathroom." and many more messages signaling a physical need for something. While unrolling, you look around you and start to take note of all the things around you, things that you had previously not thought about. This is where that strangely nice feeling comes into play.
There's still life in you. There's still the ability to go out and do something. Whatever it was that made you cry doesn't mean less, and it sure doesn't hurt less, but all of a sudden there's this realization that life has a way of moving on.
Crying is nice.
Being incapable of crying is not.
That's been me today. Everything has felt slow, I've felt sluggish, and all the while there's this weight that I can't find the words to describe. I feel terrible, because I was out of it all day at work, and I tried to do things here and there, but I could feel myself out of it. It's a Combs' curse to feel the need to stay strong when we should seek the help of others, and I couldn't bring myself to tell my team. They would have helped, I know they would have, but I couldn't do it.
The end result is the same though. There's this bittersweet realization to it. The old Rose and Thorn saying.
So, with that, I'm leaving this rather short.
I hope you all find something that keeps you looking up when things go south. Thank you God for giving me the strength to move through all the obstacles in front of me, and I pray you give the same strength to everyone who has ever felt as though they were rock bottom.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Day One
So, I'm living in Houston now. Amarillo to Austin to Houston. I just realized that if I one day move to Seattle I will have lived in Amarillo, followed by AHS. Which was my rival high school. Tascosa for the win! Woo! Haha.
That's not happening for a long time though, and after today I'm really ok with that.
Returning to the HP office here in Houston felt right. This morning, I was sitting there waiting to get my badge, and I recognized Adam's old manager. She was picking up her new intern, and I had this rush of old memories from when I was an intern there. It still feels like yesterday Luke and I were creating our little app. Or Adam, Brandon and I were out causing trouble and making the town ours.
Now, everything has changed. I'm in the main building, so I'm not isolated from everyone. Hopefully this means I get to meet a lot of people. Also, I'll be doing development work and such which is exactly what I wanted. The other new hire, Tim, is a Business Analyst from North Carolina who seems like a really awesome guy.
The rest of my team is really nice and cool too! We spent most of our lunch talking about X-Men and that sold me forever. Haha. There's another Longhorn on the team, though she'll be working more with Tim. Our manager is tons of fun, and he gets along well with the entire team which is great.
Not to jinx myself or anything, but I get pretty bomb managers! =D
The next couple of days will probably be me getting everything set up and working. Can't seem to start a job without having laptop difficulties.
SPEAKING OF WHICH
My work laptop is pretty snazzy and I kinda fell in love with it already. It's super awesome so I can do super dev things, which is kind of intimidating, but means I'LL BE DOING DEV THINGS! So there's that. =D
Overall, I'm pretty psyched for all of this. The next chapter is looking to be totally swank. Just gotta meet new people.
And remember to eat. I need food. XD
Love you! Off to food!
That's not happening for a long time though, and after today I'm really ok with that.
Returning to the HP office here in Houston felt right. This morning, I was sitting there waiting to get my badge, and I recognized Adam's old manager. She was picking up her new intern, and I had this rush of old memories from when I was an intern there. It still feels like yesterday Luke and I were creating our little app. Or Adam, Brandon and I were out causing trouble and making the town ours.
Now, everything has changed. I'm in the main building, so I'm not isolated from everyone. Hopefully this means I get to meet a lot of people. Also, I'll be doing development work and such which is exactly what I wanted. The other new hire, Tim, is a Business Analyst from North Carolina who seems like a really awesome guy.
The rest of my team is really nice and cool too! We spent most of our lunch talking about X-Men and that sold me forever. Haha. There's another Longhorn on the team, though she'll be working more with Tim. Our manager is tons of fun, and he gets along well with the entire team which is great.
Not to jinx myself or anything, but I get pretty bomb managers! =D
The next couple of days will probably be me getting everything set up and working. Can't seem to start a job without having laptop difficulties.
SPEAKING OF WHICH
My work laptop is pretty snazzy and I kinda fell in love with it already. It's super awesome so I can do super dev things, which is kind of intimidating, but means I'LL BE DOING DEV THINGS! So there's that. =D
Overall, I'm pretty psyched for all of this. The next chapter is looking to be totally swank. Just gotta meet new people.
And remember to eat. I need food. XD
Love you! Off to food!
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Back to The Basics
If you aren't aware, I graduated from The University of Texas at Austin on May 17th, of 2014. I'm going to take a quick trip on the history of me, and the history of this blog, so that we can then take a look at the future of both.
I was born in 1992, the wonderful month of July, and I had one older, by 5 years, brother Charles or as I always call him, Charlie. In 1994 I was graced with a wonderful sister, Lindsey. When they got married, my parents worked in the food business. I'm fairly certain my dad was the manager of some fast food place, although I don't exactly know for sure.
He went back to college while we were little and got an Associate's in Chemistry. He studied hard, sacrificing his dream of working food business as well as some time with us, so that he could get a job that could support a family. During early Elementary school years my mom babysat after school. This led to some cool people like the fifth grader who was obsessed with Wolverines (the animal), and some not so cool people like the kid who forcefully took the controller from my sister.
I don't know the exact year, or what grade I was in, but eventually my mom started back to college. She had her sights set on teaching. When she got back to college, she realized that math was a real week point in her education. She started from scratch, learning the absolute basics, and coming home to brag to us about what she learned, even though she knew we had learned that previously in our educations. She graduated, and got a job as a fourth grade teacher, where she is absolutely changing the lives of all the students that pass through her class.
I don't think there was ever a time in my life where I wasn't told to go to college. There was never a point where it didn't seem like the only future was through a college. With this in mind, graduating from college isn't that amazing of a feat. But I'll get back to that. =D
My parents have only ever wanted the best for me and my siblings, and even every friend we've ever had. I know we've had our fair share of financial burdens, but every Christmas, and every birthday, my parents managed to find a way to make the money work. My dad can spread money and make it so much more than it actually is, and that is a skill I hope I'm blessed enough to pick up from him.
They've even questioned every major decision we made, not because they didn't believe in us, but because they know. I decided I didn't want to stick with Boy Scouts. I wasn't enjoying it, the people I cared about in Scouts had left, and I felt like an outcast. I distinctly remember my mom, sternly saying, "I just don't want you to come crying back to me when you're in college saying, 'Why didn't you make me stay in Scouts?' because I'll feel bad for letting you." I distinctly remember feeling so sure about it, in my heart, and also knowing that my involvement in school, choir, and whatever else I was involved with would more than make up for it.
<<<<<<<
Boy Scouts was all about being a good person. Every badge, every meeting, every everything had one key connection, "Be a good person." The message varied, "Take care of nature.", "Stand up for others.", etc... All of which boiled down to the basic. I got that, and I took that to heart. I may not be the "always prepared" that most Boy Scouts are, but in my heart I am a Boy Scout. To me that's what matters.
=======
>>>>>>>
During my middle/high school career I focused on friends. I soaked up all the knowledge I could. I devoted my time to my grades. I did Choir. I dodged the PE classes. I took up Band. I flexed my intellectual muscle at the Science Bowl. I very much lived in the moment, and yet I dreaded the end of it. I knew that when graduation came, regardless of how far away it was, I would be split from the friends who were a part of me. Who built me up, and gave me life. No matter what I did, I couldn't escape the shadow of graduation that loomed over me.
Eventually I did get to graduate High School. Before I could do that, however, I had to decide on a college and major. For someone who had grown up hearing about college, it was kind of surprising I never actually thought about it. I hadn't thought about majors or colleges. I'd done some tours sure, but they were mainly because I was talked into it by my friends. My major choice was Computer Science, because one guy at Church Camp said, "Video games huh? That sounds like Computer Science. Careful though, those guys sit behind a computer and never interact with people."
So I applied to all the Texas colleges, marking Computer Science or Computer Engineering on all the forms because I wasn't sure what the difference was. I didn't really care which college I got into, there wasn't much of a difference in my head, and I figured I'd end up at A&M since my brother had graduated from there. It seemed even more likely, since I had thought a few of my friends would also end up there. I got accepted to the colleges, and into their Computer programs.
Before I could accept A&M, my friend Brian came to me with thrilling news. "I was doing research, and UT has a great film department! Also this might interest you, their Computer Science department is ranked 7 in the country." This piqued my interest. I really did care about the level of my education and again there was the added bonus of going with Brian.
So with that in mind, I accepted UT. My parents were cautious about it, because of the high price, but I was optimistic about the level of education and the promise of a job afterward to help pay off any loans. To my dismay, Brian ended up incapable of going to UT, and my heart sunk. I was already nervous about everything, and I was worried about how I would survive without my solid foundation. I pushed on with the dream of my future, and the fact that I still had a friend, Summer, who would be attending UT with me.
After accepting, I got an e-mail from Tiffany Grady. "Google's CS Summer Institute" It caught my eye for a few reasons: "Up to 25 aspiring computer scientists will be selected to attend the all-expenses-paid CSSI at Google's headquarters in Mountain View, California, from July 25 - August 13, 2010." I think that sentence was what caught me. I'd never been to California, and the idea of take a free trip for three weeks was unheard of. I was also apprehensive due to the fact that it was the last summer I was guaranteed to see my friends from home.
I remember completing the application after midnight on the day it was due. The application went through, and I was completely shocked, because I had no idea how it managed to still be accepted. I wasn't going to complain though. So, I continued with my last semester of high school, not entirely sure what my future held. I had a short little phone call with the wonderful Carolyn, one of the absolute kindest people I've ever met, who then scheduled an interview with Scott on May 13th, 2010. The only reason I remember this is because I had a banquet that very night.
So, May 13th rolls around. I spend a good portion of my day nervous, though I'm not sure I showed it. Hrmmm... Anyway! I got home, and almost immediately started to get ready for the Banquet. Phone line cleared so I would be clear to answer any phone call that came my way. The start of the banquet was late enough that I could do the phone interview and still make it, yet the nerves were still very real.
The phone rang, and I took a moment to take it in before relaxing. I answered, and Scott was wonderfully friendly, which helped to make the interview go smoother. We just kind of talked, and I remember a few key points of our conversation. He asked me about Science Bowl, interested in what it was and how it worked. It also came up that I had created a program on my Graphing Calculator, and we discussed what that was and how it was an interesting thing. I remember him asking me how I thought the internet worked. I responded that the address bar was like a road map telling which paths to take to arrive at the correct location of the webpage.
When we finally finished talking I rushed off to the banquet. It was my Top Two Percent Banquet. I had my Assistant Band Director Mr. Dunn, who I had known for only two years and yet inspired me well beyond the expected teacher, as well as my third grade teacher Mrs. Troxell, who was one of the most wonderful teachers ever, at the banquet with me. There were nine students, I think, it may have just been eight, at the banquet each with one elementary school teacher and one middle/high school teacher. They read letters we had written to the teachers, thanking them for everything they had done to get us where we were. I remember being conflicted on who to take since I had a close relationship with every teacher I've ever had.
That was kind of irrelevant to all of this, but there you go anyway. =D
I don't remember where I was, probably at a choir concert or something, but I came home one day after all of this and received a message. I'm fairly certain it was Jessica who had called from Google to inform me that I was accepted to attend the Google Computer Science Summer Institute, or CSSI. I don't remember if I was shocked, or if I even comprehended what that meant. I don't remember freaking out, and I don't remember if I made a big deal about it. I definitely didn't get a mention during graduation. (Shout out Emily.)
On July 25th, 2010 I hopped on a plane in Amarillo to then fly to DFW to then fly to San Francisco. I think. Wherever we landed we had a van take us to San Jose where we would meet up and start the program. My luggage got left behind, so I made the trip back and forth to get it, making me arrive quite later than I would have. The three weeks in California at Google were amazing, and life changing. I met 20 of the most amazing women ever, and 8 of the coolest guys while I was there. I also met Carolyn, Charles, Jessica and Kat who were wonderful role models. If you want a full recap of this portion of my journey you can go "Back to The Basics" or the post "The Google Basics" which this post is so aptly referring to.
So, if you've managed to read this far, I applaud you and award you with 10000 points. At the end of this post I will explain how to redeem them, so bear with me. Also, there's a fail-safe that will not award you the prize if you don't read every word, trust me, I'm a Computer Scientist. Love you guys.
/* From this point forward expect to see the meat of this post.
This will be the part where I look back at college, and then eventually what lies beyond that.
Thanks for reading, whether you read all of the above, or are just starting here. */
I started college in August of 2010, and I was terrified. I knew a few people thanks to Google's CSSI and Summer from Amarillo, but that was just about it. Well, my brother lived nearish to UT, so there was also that. Even with that though, the culture shock of moving from Amarillo to Austin floored me. I had a fairly terrible roommate experience, and I didn't really meet people until the end of the first semester.
I clearly recall going home at Thanksgiving, and feeling like I wasn't leaving Austin quick enough. Leaving Amarillo to come back, however, felt like I wasn't leaving slow enough. I remember thinking about how I had met people, and I really liked them, but the most we hung out was when we were doing our homework that was due the next day. And I wouldn't take that back ever! Those were some of the best nights of my first semester at college. We worked and learned, but we also learned about each other. We discussed dreams, and philosophies.
At one point during my first semester, probably before Thanksgiving, I called home. Specifically, I called my mom. I was already crying when she answered. "I don't like it here." "I don't have any friends. The closest friend is three hours away." "My roommate is terrible." I said a lot more, and my mom was a champ! She kept saying, "If you're unhappy we can fix that." "There are other schools, and we'll work with you to find what you want and makes you feel good." I was in tears, because even though she wanted me to do whatever made me happy I knew I couldn't leave UT.
The first reason I stuck it out at UT was because I see the big picture a lot. I knew the type of program that the Computer Science program at UT was. I knew the recognition a UTCS degree had in the Software Engineering world. I was willing to sacrifice some momentary unhappiness at the chance that I would have the job and future I wanted. My second reason was the people I met through my Research Methods class, those mentioned two paragraphs earlier. While we didn't hang out a lot, they were the foundation I needed that allowed me to push on and eventually meet every influential person I've interacted with at UT. Now, Jacob, Daniel and I on occasion would play Champions (an MMO) from 4ish until the sun came up 14 hours later. SHHHHH....
Summer and I hung out a lot, but our schedules didn't quite mesh as well as we would have liked. As the years went on we found less and less time, until we'd become integrated into new circles that didn't leave a lot of room for overlap. I happened to have a lot of classes with the same people, but I never really formed any friendships with them. The main reason being that they were all friends already, and by the time I had decided I wanted to be in I felt like I was already an outsider.
The general interaction I had with the people who would later go on to be some of the most life changing people ever was a simple hi outside of our 305j class. Intro to Programming (For uber beginners) that took place in the Communications building. I would sit outside our class, reading, and Eric and Ann would play Pokemon. I was reading The Once and Future King, which is an amazing book! The initial breakthrough was when Ann was making origami stars. She was demonstrating how she could make the tiniest origami stars ever, and was kind enough to give me one. I promised I'd keep it with me forever, and so I immediately put it in my necklace. Specifically in a prayer box that my grandma gave me back in eighth grade. It's still there to this day.
On January 28th, 2011 Ann posted the following status "We need a Kingdom Hearts music expert. stat.
in Jester Piano Lounge " I read that and somehow commented on it before it was posted. I was the first to comment with "What exactly do you mean when you say expert?" This was the moment when I knew that I had to be friends with these people. I've tried numerous times to express my love for this video game, but the easiest way is that this game had a crucial role in the shaping of who I am.
I was born in 1992, the wonderful month of July, and I had one older, by 5 years, brother Charles or as I always call him, Charlie. In 1994 I was graced with a wonderful sister, Lindsey. When they got married, my parents worked in the food business. I'm fairly certain my dad was the manager of some fast food place, although I don't exactly know for sure.
He went back to college while we were little and got an Associate's in Chemistry. He studied hard, sacrificing his dream of working food business as well as some time with us, so that he could get a job that could support a family. During early Elementary school years my mom babysat after school. This led to some cool people like the fifth grader who was obsessed with Wolverines (the animal), and some not so cool people like the kid who forcefully took the controller from my sister.
I don't know the exact year, or what grade I was in, but eventually my mom started back to college. She had her sights set on teaching. When she got back to college, she realized that math was a real week point in her education. She started from scratch, learning the absolute basics, and coming home to brag to us about what she learned, even though she knew we had learned that previously in our educations. She graduated, and got a job as a fourth grade teacher, where she is absolutely changing the lives of all the students that pass through her class.
I don't think there was ever a time in my life where I wasn't told to go to college. There was never a point where it didn't seem like the only future was through a college. With this in mind, graduating from college isn't that amazing of a feat. But I'll get back to that. =D
My parents have only ever wanted the best for me and my siblings, and even every friend we've ever had. I know we've had our fair share of financial burdens, but every Christmas, and every birthday, my parents managed to find a way to make the money work. My dad can spread money and make it so much more than it actually is, and that is a skill I hope I'm blessed enough to pick up from him.
They've even questioned every major decision we made, not because they didn't believe in us, but because they know. I decided I didn't want to stick with Boy Scouts. I wasn't enjoying it, the people I cared about in Scouts had left, and I felt like an outcast. I distinctly remember my mom, sternly saying, "I just don't want you to come crying back to me when you're in college saying, 'Why didn't you make me stay in Scouts?' because I'll feel bad for letting you." I distinctly remember feeling so sure about it, in my heart, and also knowing that my involvement in school, choir, and whatever else I was involved with would more than make up for it.
<<<<<<<
Boy Scouts was all about being a good person. Every badge, every meeting, every everything had one key connection, "Be a good person." The message varied, "Take care of nature.", "Stand up for others.", etc... All of which boiled down to the basic. I got that, and I took that to heart. I may not be the "always prepared" that most Boy Scouts are, but in my heart I am a Boy Scout. To me that's what matters.
=======
>>>>>>>
During my middle/high school career I focused on friends. I soaked up all the knowledge I could. I devoted my time to my grades. I did Choir. I dodged the PE classes. I took up Band. I flexed my intellectual muscle at the Science Bowl. I very much lived in the moment, and yet I dreaded the end of it. I knew that when graduation came, regardless of how far away it was, I would be split from the friends who were a part of me. Who built me up, and gave me life. No matter what I did, I couldn't escape the shadow of graduation that loomed over me.
Eventually I did get to graduate High School. Before I could do that, however, I had to decide on a college and major. For someone who had grown up hearing about college, it was kind of surprising I never actually thought about it. I hadn't thought about majors or colleges. I'd done some tours sure, but they were mainly because I was talked into it by my friends. My major choice was Computer Science, because one guy at Church Camp said, "Video games huh? That sounds like Computer Science. Careful though, those guys sit behind a computer and never interact with people."
So I applied to all the Texas colleges, marking Computer Science or Computer Engineering on all the forms because I wasn't sure what the difference was. I didn't really care which college I got into, there wasn't much of a difference in my head, and I figured I'd end up at A&M since my brother had graduated from there. It seemed even more likely, since I had thought a few of my friends would also end up there. I got accepted to the colleges, and into their Computer programs.
Before I could accept A&M, my friend Brian came to me with thrilling news. "I was doing research, and UT has a great film department! Also this might interest you, their Computer Science department is ranked 7 in the country." This piqued my interest. I really did care about the level of my education and again there was the added bonus of going with Brian.
So with that in mind, I accepted UT. My parents were cautious about it, because of the high price, but I was optimistic about the level of education and the promise of a job afterward to help pay off any loans. To my dismay, Brian ended up incapable of going to UT, and my heart sunk. I was already nervous about everything, and I was worried about how I would survive without my solid foundation. I pushed on with the dream of my future, and the fact that I still had a friend, Summer, who would be attending UT with me.
After accepting, I got an e-mail from Tiffany Grady. "Google's CS Summer Institute" It caught my eye for a few reasons: "Up to 25 aspiring computer scientists will be selected to attend the all-expenses-paid CSSI at Google's headquarters in Mountain View, California, from July 25 - August 13, 2010." I think that sentence was what caught me. I'd never been to California, and the idea of take a free trip for three weeks was unheard of. I was also apprehensive due to the fact that it was the last summer I was guaranteed to see my friends from home.
I remember completing the application after midnight on the day it was due. The application went through, and I was completely shocked, because I had no idea how it managed to still be accepted. I wasn't going to complain though. So, I continued with my last semester of high school, not entirely sure what my future held. I had a short little phone call with the wonderful Carolyn, one of the absolute kindest people I've ever met, who then scheduled an interview with Scott on May 13th, 2010. The only reason I remember this is because I had a banquet that very night.
So, May 13th rolls around. I spend a good portion of my day nervous, though I'm not sure I showed it. Hrmmm... Anyway! I got home, and almost immediately started to get ready for the Banquet. Phone line cleared so I would be clear to answer any phone call that came my way. The start of the banquet was late enough that I could do the phone interview and still make it, yet the nerves were still very real.
The phone rang, and I took a moment to take it in before relaxing. I answered, and Scott was wonderfully friendly, which helped to make the interview go smoother. We just kind of talked, and I remember a few key points of our conversation. He asked me about Science Bowl, interested in what it was and how it worked. It also came up that I had created a program on my Graphing Calculator, and we discussed what that was and how it was an interesting thing. I remember him asking me how I thought the internet worked. I responded that the address bar was like a road map telling which paths to take to arrive at the correct location of the webpage.
When we finally finished talking I rushed off to the banquet. It was my Top Two Percent Banquet. I had my Assistant Band Director Mr. Dunn, who I had known for only two years and yet inspired me well beyond the expected teacher, as well as my third grade teacher Mrs. Troxell, who was one of the most wonderful teachers ever, at the banquet with me. There were nine students, I think, it may have just been eight, at the banquet each with one elementary school teacher and one middle/high school teacher. They read letters we had written to the teachers, thanking them for everything they had done to get us where we were. I remember being conflicted on who to take since I had a close relationship with every teacher I've ever had.
That was kind of irrelevant to all of this, but there you go anyway. =D
I don't remember where I was, probably at a choir concert or something, but I came home one day after all of this and received a message. I'm fairly certain it was Jessica who had called from Google to inform me that I was accepted to attend the Google Computer Science Summer Institute, or CSSI. I don't remember if I was shocked, or if I even comprehended what that meant. I don't remember freaking out, and I don't remember if I made a big deal about it. I definitely didn't get a mention during graduation. (Shout out Emily.)
On July 25th, 2010 I hopped on a plane in Amarillo to then fly to DFW to then fly to San Francisco. I think. Wherever we landed we had a van take us to San Jose where we would meet up and start the program. My luggage got left behind, so I made the trip back and forth to get it, making me arrive quite later than I would have. The three weeks in California at Google were amazing, and life changing. I met 20 of the most amazing women ever, and 8 of the coolest guys while I was there. I also met Carolyn, Charles, Jessica and Kat who were wonderful role models. If you want a full recap of this portion of my journey you can go "Back to The Basics" or the post "The Google Basics" which this post is so aptly referring to.
So, if you've managed to read this far, I applaud you and award you with 10000 points. At the end of this post I will explain how to redeem them, so bear with me. Also, there's a fail-safe that will not award you the prize if you don't read every word, trust me, I'm a Computer Scientist. Love you guys.
/* From this point forward expect to see the meat of this post.
This will be the part where I look back at college, and then eventually what lies beyond that.
Thanks for reading, whether you read all of the above, or are just starting here. */
I started college in August of 2010, and I was terrified. I knew a few people thanks to Google's CSSI and Summer from Amarillo, but that was just about it. Well, my brother lived nearish to UT, so there was also that. Even with that though, the culture shock of moving from Amarillo to Austin floored me. I had a fairly terrible roommate experience, and I didn't really meet people until the end of the first semester.
I clearly recall going home at Thanksgiving, and feeling like I wasn't leaving Austin quick enough. Leaving Amarillo to come back, however, felt like I wasn't leaving slow enough. I remember thinking about how I had met people, and I really liked them, but the most we hung out was when we were doing our homework that was due the next day. And I wouldn't take that back ever! Those were some of the best nights of my first semester at college. We worked and learned, but we also learned about each other. We discussed dreams, and philosophies.
At one point during my first semester, probably before Thanksgiving, I called home. Specifically, I called my mom. I was already crying when she answered. "I don't like it here." "I don't have any friends. The closest friend is three hours away." "My roommate is terrible." I said a lot more, and my mom was a champ! She kept saying, "If you're unhappy we can fix that." "There are other schools, and we'll work with you to find what you want and makes you feel good." I was in tears, because even though she wanted me to do whatever made me happy I knew I couldn't leave UT.
The first reason I stuck it out at UT was because I see the big picture a lot. I knew the type of program that the Computer Science program at UT was. I knew the recognition a UTCS degree had in the Software Engineering world. I was willing to sacrifice some momentary unhappiness at the chance that I would have the job and future I wanted. My second reason was the people I met through my Research Methods class, those mentioned two paragraphs earlier. While we didn't hang out a lot, they were the foundation I needed that allowed me to push on and eventually meet every influential person I've interacted with at UT. Now, Jacob, Daniel and I on occasion would play Champions (an MMO) from 4ish until the sun came up 14 hours later. SHHHHH....
Summer and I hung out a lot, but our schedules didn't quite mesh as well as we would have liked. As the years went on we found less and less time, until we'd become integrated into new circles that didn't leave a lot of room for overlap. I happened to have a lot of classes with the same people, but I never really formed any friendships with them. The main reason being that they were all friends already, and by the time I had decided I wanted to be in I felt like I was already an outsider.
The general interaction I had with the people who would later go on to be some of the most life changing people ever was a simple hi outside of our 305j class. Intro to Programming (For uber beginners) that took place in the Communications building. I would sit outside our class, reading, and Eric and Ann would play Pokemon. I was reading The Once and Future King, which is an amazing book! The initial breakthrough was when Ann was making origami stars. She was demonstrating how she could make the tiniest origami stars ever, and was kind enough to give me one. I promised I'd keep it with me forever, and so I immediately put it in my necklace. Specifically in a prayer box that my grandma gave me back in eighth grade. It's still there to this day.
On January 28th, 2011 Ann posted the following status "We need a Kingdom Hearts music expert. stat.
in Jester Piano Lounge " I read that and somehow commented on it before it was posted. I was the first to comment with "What exactly do you mean when you say expert?" This was the moment when I knew that I had to be friends with these people. I've tried numerous times to express my love for this video game, but the easiest way is that this game had a crucial role in the shaping of who I am.
Since then, I've been on a whirlwind adventure with this crew. We've been through ups and downs, heartbreak and love, agreement and major disagreement, and yet we still manage to be a really tight knit group of friends. I say "we" but I should say "I" so I don't impose my experiences unwelcome on anyone else.
My first semester was a down. A major down. As mentioned above. I've managed to try some of my friendships by stupidly playing my cards. I've caused some friendships to break for a bit until we later returned and patched it back together. I've put my heart on the line and had it shattered, and I've had the pleasure of knowing people who helped pick up the pieces when I couldn't. I've met some really religious people who grew my faith, and some radical religious people who forced me to iron out the kinks and clarify exactly what it was that I believed in.
While I was at UT I found myself an innumerable number of opportunities. I seized several of them, my trips to Google, my trips to the Tapia Conference, my leadership roles, and my internships. I've also missed out on a lot of opportunities due to over thinking or being scared. I've met people who I was sure were "the one" only to find that they weren't as "the one" as I initially thought, and met people who are exactly what "the one" should be like, but don't quite turn out to be the one for me.
I've had friends who I drove 5 hours to watch a movie with, only to drive 5 hours the next day to return home. I've had friends who reassured me when I was hopeless, and friends who took me to great heights that I didn't know existed. I've had the pleasure of exploring these people, and really getting to know them. I've placed more trust in them than I thought was possible, and don't regret a single bit of it.
I guess I'm to the wrap up, so here goes.
After graduation I had a friend ask:
"Congratulations on the graduation and whatnot c:
How does it feel?
What do I have to look forward to"
I responded with:
"Ok, so the graduation itself is more so where the awesome feeling of graduation sets in the, "I'M DONE AND MY LIFE IS AHEAD OF ME. WOOO!
And then, after you've done lunch and stuff and go back to your place to just relax it feels all, "it's just another day now. I'm just another person." and it's kind of crazy to feel that you're past the big pomp of graduation and now you're just another post college person.
BUT
in the end. It's not so much about the pomp, or the being another person, the important thing is to realize that the journey over college was an amazing one, and that this closes that chapter so that you can start on the next chapter.
And the great thing, is that the next chapter can be absolutely whatever you want it to be.So, lots of pomp, high emotions, normality, and then anything."
And if there's anything I got from my four years at UT, it's that the journey is seriously everything. From late nights coding, to the four years to get a degree. The end result is pleasing, but that's because of all the time and effort that it took to get there. I couldn't have managed it without a supportive family, wonderful friends from all over Texas and even all over the World. I know I worked to get here, but all of that work would have meant nothing if not for the people I encountered.
So in the most round about way of doing anything, which I'm really good at, Thank You! Thank you for reading this. Reading anything I ever post. Reading my Facebook status. Smiling when I needed it. Encouraging me when necessary. Inspiring me.
And most importantly. Thank you for helping me grow. I'm not the William that left high school on this journey. And that William might not agree with everything I feel now, however, the current William is a product of every encounter and every little interaction I've had and he couldn't be more proud of the current product.
Now, as I said to my friend, the future is whatever I want it to be. I'm not looking for an end goal. I have dreams, but what I'm interested in is the journey I take to get me there. I have the whole world at my finger tips, I have tons of people to meet and tons of places to pull inspiration from. I'm lived 21 (almost 22) years, and I know I've not met half the people I will in my lifetime.
So, where do I go from here? Forward. Forward with a great big smile on my face. Forward with a goal of improving who I am, and making the world around me a better place.
What starts here changes the world.
Well, I'm off. Off to change the world. Maybe slowly. Maybe I help someone who changes the world. I'm ok with that.
I left the commencement feeling one major thing. I CAN make a difference, and I won't squander that.
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