Every Rose Has Its Thorns

I am such a Masochist.

I apologize now for any utter confused/shocked/whatever reaction that just caused.

I woke up this morning, after a particularly rough night of sleep with one thing on my mind.

I get myself into some pretty tough situations emotionally.

After laying in bed thinking about it and why, I came up with an interesting statement that is actually one of the truest things I've thought in my half awake state.

When it comes to friends, I allow a lot of things that I would never allow outside of friendship.

Mostly talking about poking fun and what not. The conversation also came up on a recent trip to Austin where I was asked, "You'd say something if it really bothered you, right?" This was in response to some really silly jokes and what not.

So, would I say something?

I've been cursed with this undying need to be "too nice" to people. As a result, I don't really do well with the honestly telling people if I'm not enjoying a situation, especially if it looks like they are.

Number not-even-gonna-try-the-number-would-be-too-large of my major character flaws. It's not a new thing, so it's something that I've grown with. As a result, I've put up with a lot of jokes and what not because it was better to have friends that made fun of me playfully than not have friends at all.

When my friend asked if I'd say something if I was bothered, my initial response in my head was, "Probably not." Followed by, "Would I even know if it really bothered me?"

I've played this game so long I think I've become a little numb to the feeling. It's become second nature for friendships to poke fun at one another.

Clarification, I value every single one of my friendships as this isn't an issue on their part, but more so on mine. It's not you it's me.

They don't actually force me to be ok with any of this, and they don't force me in the awkward/tough situations I put myself in in the name of friendship.

So, this post isn't focused on anyone or anything that needs to be changed. This post is more a mental note for myself. Maybe a note for someone else in a similar situation.

Friendship is one of the greatest things to ever happen. However, if at any point you are actively belittling yourself to maintain said friendship you need to step back and reevaluate it. A true friendship, while maybe not perfect, will build you up.

I've grown a life motto to accept the bad with the good. No use dwelling on the negative things because, to quote Doctor Who, "The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."

I roll with the punches. Every bad thing has been just that, bad. I've learned from them though, and I'm a better person today because of it. And I don't eclipse the bad things when good things happen, but I don't let the bad things eclipse the good.


Moral Of The Story:

Life has thorns. Friendships might have thorns. The key is finding the roses that are more rose than thorn. Everyone has different thresholds, but if you leave a social setting with friends feeling worse then when you entered it you should check if that's an anomaly or a regular occurrence and then, as only you can, weigh the worth of that in your life.

Make good choices, respect yourself, and never feel bad about asking for help. Love you all dearly.