I'm bored.
That's a good reason to blog again, right?
What do I say though? Do I bore anyone reading this with a summary of my life recently? Do I attempt to find some deep meaningful thought in the mess that is my head? Or do I just write and see where it takes me, in the hopes that the journey is something you enjoy, as well as learn from?
I think I'll just write. In fact, I'm treating this as though I'm vlogging, I have a general idea of what I want to say and I'm just going to say things as they come. I'll only stop to correct huge grammatical errors, and minor spelling ones. Haha. If you've already found any then I entreat you to tell me so I can not make them in the future. (I probably will though.)
So, life man. Right?
Well, it's crazy.
I'm graduating next May.
Seriously how is it already that time?
I shouldn't be graduating. I don't have enough experience, I haven't learned everything I can, and I most certainly don't know what the next step is.
People usually have plans, right?
I usually have plans.
I haven't recently.
I mean, the general ones are there.
1) Graduate.
2) Start work.
3) Etc...
That's about it right?
Some big things are missing? I'm sure they aren't too big.
But seriously that's my plan, and people ask about it, and that's what I respond, and I feel like such a loser.
I know people who know where they're going, and I'm here, praying and listening, and waiting to hear back from the last of many interviews in the hopes that this one is different.
See, I'm not extraordinary. I say this often, but it's true. I'm not the best Computer Scientist, most strategical, most innovative, or even the smartest student. I'm fairly average.
I wrote a play for my Play-writing class. Each of my plays has some of me in them. This one was me. It made me realize something about me. I'm not the best at just about anything. I'll accept that. On the outside I'm really rather normal. My extraordinary nature comes from something entirely intangible.
I'm loyal. Like, unhealthily loyal. While playing a video game, I'm loyal. While playing on a soccer team, I'm loyal. When dealing with friends, I'm loyal.
Sure, I screw up. I do really idiotic things, and make super wrong decisions but I'm still loyal.
See, that's something I can't convey to people.
How do you tell someone when they're interviewing you that if you get the position you will be the most passionate person about that company. How do you tell someone that even though you've been turned down for internships and full time jobs you still love their company, and their employees, and will continue to be an advocate for their company?
While growing up I often thought it would be great if I could get back at people who hurt me. Because for some reason I'm a very revenge oriented person. (Not anymore as far as I know. XD)
So, when someone would do something to me, that bothered me, I would get back at them. It was in really indirect ways, and almost always didn't get the point across. So, before college I was super close with my sister. Not that we aren't now, just we're far away and it's hard. Well, I remember once there was a misunderstanding of sorts between us. I think I had suggested going somewhere, and she had sort of said yeah. I decided I was not going to do anything until she legitimately said she wanted to go. Or something stupid like that. My thinking was that if I didn't do anything, and thus laid there miserable, she'd eventually ask. Something along those lines. Well, she didn't, and I spent several hours doing nothing, eventually falling asleep for the night.
I was really ridiculous.
So, I hit college and fall in love with a specific entity. I get involved with it, and start doing things, taking leadership roles, actively applying for things. Eventually I get my first rejection from it, and I was furious. They had their reasons, but I was upset, especially since I was told to apply since I'd be a good candidate.
How could they just turn me away. That was bogus, and they know it. I was frustrated and fed up.
And for about, 5 minutes, I was decided that I was done. No more involvement, no more caring. I was just going to stop talking with them, and that they'd feel bad.
After I got over all that, I went right back to interacting with them, and being an all around advocate for them.
I got turned away again, this time it was something I was more passionate about.
I think I lasted 10 minutes this time.
I'm still quite involved. I still love the entity. I'm fairly certain I'll continue liking it for many years to come.
See, I may falter. I may find myself foaming about the very thing. But I'm still loyal. I'll have your back, long after you've stopped having mine.
TL;DR
If I have ever called you a friend (including most people I've barely talked to, because I make friends quick), or supported a certain group, I will have your back. SERIOUSLY.
Love you guys! =D
(Did that whole post even have a point? I dunno. I just was typing as I thought. How's that for a free-write exercise? Haha.)
Friday, November 15, 2013
Friday, September 20, 2013
Finding Faith
I've never tried to hide my faith, but I've never really been one for telling people about my faith either. I just imagined that if I didn't talk to people about it, then I could pretend it was an all powerful faith that couldn't be challenged.
In reality, I was scared. I was terrified that if somebody knew where I stood in my faith they would call me out. They'd tell me that I wasn't actually a Christian. I was scared they'd realize that I wasn't strong enough to give my life to God. That I believed he'd be there for me always, but that I was still the one who needed to make the major decisions.
I'm a very analytical person. I have been since I was little. The steps required to build code makes more sense to me than the creativity required to build a play. Math and Science make sense, English and Art and Music are beautiful to me because I can't grasp how they do it. As such, it's very easy for me to believe in cold hard facts, and a stretch for me to believe outside of that.
So, if I'm so rooted in fact how can I bring myself to believe in God? Because of facts. I'm an emotional person. I'll cry at anything that's remotely sad, and I'll cry at anything that is sad in context, even if it's supposed to be comic relief. However, I've come to tell the difference between my levels of crying. I cried during Ni No Kuni, because, spoiler alert, it was super sad and uplifting and just powerful. But the pain I felt when I watched Chris acting in Denton, the emotions that he roused inside of me weren't emotions I feel regularly. Heck, I can barely write that without breaking down.
I went to church last Sunday, and a Youth Service, thanks to being blessed and meeting a fellow Christian. While I sat in both of those services, while I listened to the message, and sang along to the worship songs I could feel my insides turning. Every sleeping piece of myself was stirring. I was in tears for most of it, overwhelmed with the peace I felt. I wasn't going to a church, I wasn't visiting a friend, I was coming home, and it all made sense.
I'd been running from Christ, claiming that I believed in him but knew better for what I needed in my life. I had spent all this time convincing myself, and anyone I could, that I was a strong believer. I wasn't. I was scared, and I'm terrified. I've always been terrified, because I want to go places. I want my dream job. I want my dream home. I grew up hearing stories of people who went into ministry. They lived each day spreading the word of God, and they were at peace.
As a kid, who dreamed of making video games. Who saw in numbers and facts. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to. Now though, I couldn't have made it where I am if he weren't helping me. I wouldn't be interviewing with Google if it wasn't part of his plan. I wouldn't have been picked for my internships or CS Summer camps if it wasn't part of his plan for me.
So here I am, a senior in college, my whole life just waiting to start, and I'm finally sitting down asking God to guide me. To be the deciding factor in my life, not an after thought, because I can do anything through Christ, but nothing without him. And honestly, I'm more terrified of living my dream life without him, than anything else.
In reality, I was scared. I was terrified that if somebody knew where I stood in my faith they would call me out. They'd tell me that I wasn't actually a Christian. I was scared they'd realize that I wasn't strong enough to give my life to God. That I believed he'd be there for me always, but that I was still the one who needed to make the major decisions.
I'm a very analytical person. I have been since I was little. The steps required to build code makes more sense to me than the creativity required to build a play. Math and Science make sense, English and Art and Music are beautiful to me because I can't grasp how they do it. As such, it's very easy for me to believe in cold hard facts, and a stretch for me to believe outside of that.
So, if I'm so rooted in fact how can I bring myself to believe in God? Because of facts. I'm an emotional person. I'll cry at anything that's remotely sad, and I'll cry at anything that is sad in context, even if it's supposed to be comic relief. However, I've come to tell the difference between my levels of crying. I cried during Ni No Kuni, because, spoiler alert, it was super sad and uplifting and just powerful. But the pain I felt when I watched Chris acting in Denton, the emotions that he roused inside of me weren't emotions I feel regularly. Heck, I can barely write that without breaking down.
I went to church last Sunday, and a Youth Service, thanks to being blessed and meeting a fellow Christian. While I sat in both of those services, while I listened to the message, and sang along to the worship songs I could feel my insides turning. Every sleeping piece of myself was stirring. I was in tears for most of it, overwhelmed with the peace I felt. I wasn't going to a church, I wasn't visiting a friend, I was coming home, and it all made sense.
I'd been running from Christ, claiming that I believed in him but knew better for what I needed in my life. I had spent all this time convincing myself, and anyone I could, that I was a strong believer. I wasn't. I was scared, and I'm terrified. I've always been terrified, because I want to go places. I want my dream job. I want my dream home. I grew up hearing stories of people who went into ministry. They lived each day spreading the word of God, and they were at peace.
As a kid, who dreamed of making video games. Who saw in numbers and facts. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to. Now though, I couldn't have made it where I am if he weren't helping me. I wouldn't be interviewing with Google if it wasn't part of his plan. I wouldn't have been picked for my internships or CS Summer camps if it wasn't part of his plan for me.
So here I am, a senior in college, my whole life just waiting to start, and I'm finally sitting down asking God to guide me. To be the deciding factor in my life, not an after thought, because I can do anything through Christ, but nothing without him. And honestly, I'm more terrified of living my dream life without him, than anything else.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Senior Year Again
Sorry about disappearing after that last post. I want to wrap that episode up real quick, and then move on to talk about other stuffs.
I'm better. See, I was in Amarillo when that happened, which was very lucky for me, because I couldn't have dealt with that while being so far away. I continued to get in touch with people and find times for us to hang out, generally lunch or dinner. So, as most catch up conversations start, I was asked, "How are you?" many times.
"Great!" was my natural response, but I found myself pausing, and then continuing with, "Er... Good." or if I was especially bothered at the time it was, "Er... Alright."
Little thing, generally "Alright" entails that there's something bothering the person.
I absolutely couldn't tell people everything was fine when it honestly wasn't. Since that Friday though, I've been able to say "Great!" and mean it though.
Clint's family held the memorial service on that Friday, and I went to it. It was uplifting, and did a wonderful job of celebrating Clint's life. At the beginning, and at the end, I got the chance to talk with several people I either hadn't seen in several years, or a few months. One of those people was a guy from the class above me.
He stood out to me, and partially because I had started talking with him again over the Summer. I hadn't ever really wanted to get to know him, honestly. There was something about his character that just turned me away in high school. Granted, I reached out to him to congratulate him on his getting engaged. We did some catching up, and I realized that he wasn't the persona I thought he was. Funny how that happens.
Well, he did a wonderful job of responding to my last post, and saying exactly what I needed to hear to help me get through the week. He was at the service, and I greeted him afterward and got a hug from him. It was in that moment, that I felt myself get back to the point I was at. That hug was exactly what I needed to push me through, and I don't know how exactly I would have without it.
So I'm great now. For realsies! I miss Clint dearly, but I'm pursuing my life and experiencing everything I can with an open mind and heart!
After I left Amarillo, I went to Denton and spent 4 days (technically) with Chelsea, Tyler and Geoffrey. I was able to sit back and relax, play video games, eat, and just chill with them. It was absolutely amazing! The next 4 days (technically) I spent with Brian, Kelc, Chris, Brison, and a whole slew of other people. I got to be around for Brian filming his short film Hero. (Trailer here: http://vimeo.com/73278165) That was amazing, and I missed being around all that, and the hectic schedule was honestly quite fun.
Now, I'm on day 2 of school. Day 2 of senior year. Crazy! My year looks like it'll be busy, but soooooooo much fun! Like, I need a ton more o's on that so. XD
I gotta head off to get to swimming, so I'm about done.
Hope that everyone in school has a great time, and that everyone not in school just has a great time not being in school. XD
I'll be back before too long. (I have my laptop this time, and it isn't 9 hours away for 2 weeks. XD)
I'm better. See, I was in Amarillo when that happened, which was very lucky for me, because I couldn't have dealt with that while being so far away. I continued to get in touch with people and find times for us to hang out, generally lunch or dinner. So, as most catch up conversations start, I was asked, "How are you?" many times.
"Great!" was my natural response, but I found myself pausing, and then continuing with, "Er... Good." or if I was especially bothered at the time it was, "Er... Alright."
Little thing, generally "Alright" entails that there's something bothering the person.
I absolutely couldn't tell people everything was fine when it honestly wasn't. Since that Friday though, I've been able to say "Great!" and mean it though.
Clint's family held the memorial service on that Friday, and I went to it. It was uplifting, and did a wonderful job of celebrating Clint's life. At the beginning, and at the end, I got the chance to talk with several people I either hadn't seen in several years, or a few months. One of those people was a guy from the class above me.
He stood out to me, and partially because I had started talking with him again over the Summer. I hadn't ever really wanted to get to know him, honestly. There was something about his character that just turned me away in high school. Granted, I reached out to him to congratulate him on his getting engaged. We did some catching up, and I realized that he wasn't the persona I thought he was. Funny how that happens.
Well, he did a wonderful job of responding to my last post, and saying exactly what I needed to hear to help me get through the week. He was at the service, and I greeted him afterward and got a hug from him. It was in that moment, that I felt myself get back to the point I was at. That hug was exactly what I needed to push me through, and I don't know how exactly I would have without it.
So I'm great now. For realsies! I miss Clint dearly, but I'm pursuing my life and experiencing everything I can with an open mind and heart!
After I left Amarillo, I went to Denton and spent 4 days (technically) with Chelsea, Tyler and Geoffrey. I was able to sit back and relax, play video games, eat, and just chill with them. It was absolutely amazing! The next 4 days (technically) I spent with Brian, Kelc, Chris, Brison, and a whole slew of other people. I got to be around for Brian filming his short film Hero. (Trailer here: http://vimeo.com/73278165) That was amazing, and I missed being around all that, and the hectic schedule was honestly quite fun.
Now, I'm on day 2 of school. Day 2 of senior year. Crazy! My year looks like it'll be busy, but soooooooo much fun! Like, I need a ton more o's on that so. XD
I gotta head off to get to swimming, so I'm about done.
Hope that everyone in school has a great time, and that everyone not in school just has a great time not being in school. XD
I'll be back before too long. (I have my laptop this time, and it isn't 9 hours away for 2 weeks. XD)
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Life and Loss
Loss.
One word.
That's kind of the beauty of words though, right? I mean, "loss" is just a three different letters, arranged into four spaces. I mean, you can throw three letters into four spots and get all sorts of things.
Like, imagine being around way back when, and these things we take for granted don't exist yet, and so you're in charge of deciding what sounds and what letters will create this word. By some act of God you decide on the letters l, o, and s.
Soll? Nah, doesn't quite work... Loos? Not quite what you want... Olso? You think that just sounds funny...
Loss.
Now you can tell the difference between a win and a... loss.
(Loss, doesn't feel like a word anymore... Whoa!)
What's really magical though, is that that one word is more than that. You see on paper it is one word.
Loss.
Four letters.
It's actually a really small word. You learn it really early in life. I mean, knowing that words like the ones in this article exist really make these four letters pale in comparison. http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Big_Words
If you read and understand that all perfectly, then you sir are a scholar. To be fair, I have no idea if it makes sense, so don't be like, "William that makes no sense. It's just a bunch of big words." I just saw the big words, and knew it would get the point across. XD
Does it really pale in comparison though?
All day I've been trying to respond to this word. See, on paper it's four letters. When spoken though... When your ears pick up on the pain the word carries... When your heart can't tell whether it's supposed to keep beating, or have its own moment of silence...
See, that's the power of a word. Granted, I know it's not the word. I know it's the context.
I am at a loss for where I placed my copy of Pokemon Blue. That doesn't cause you to break down.
I suffered a loss this morning, as I received the news that a really good friend of mine, Clint, from high school died in a car accident. That's powerful.
I woke up to my mom informing me of the accident, to which I spent the next 20 minutes or so scrolling through Facebook reading all the posts, and praying that it wasn't true. I found the article, and still continued to pray that it wasn't true. I curled up in my bed, and cried, still praying it wasn't true.
My heart didn't want to exist. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to text anyone. I didn't want to look at Facebook. I just wanted to stop existing, because that's what felt like the easiest route.
I slowly pulled myself out of bed, and curled up next to my mom, and just laid there. She didn't say much, she just held me. After a few more moments, I was able to take a bath, and get ready for the day. My grandma showed up, and we went to lunch.
And I couldn't stop feeling like I was betraying Clint. Like I shouldn't be out in public, having a normal family moment, when a friend wasn't on this planet any longer. I smiled, and partook in the conversation but there was this weight in my heart.
I told my friend that I felt wrong, but part of me felt like Clint wouldn't want life to stop. He was so full of life, and I can't imagine that he would want anything but those he knew to live.
I've been on a high all Summer just about. Finding every last beautiful thing about life to enjoy. I get home, and am every bit ready to continue experiencing every wonderful thing I can.
Here I am, barreling through this rough time. I don't want to lose this view on life. I've been so happy recently, and I've been missing that in recent years. I'm struggling to find that point at the moment
I think, I might have, but I'm not entirely sure, and honestly still need time to process everything that happened.
I try not to take life for granted. I know how easily it is lost. And to be honest, I find that really beautiful.
I'm trying to be careful here, because I don't want the loss of life to be something that doesn't weigh heavily on my heart. I think, though, that by understanding just how easily life can be lost it makes the life we have that much more magical. There are billions of things that could happen, and a huge percent of those things result in death.
That sounds really dark, but it's kind of true. With that in mind, it makes the fact that I'm here that much more of a gift, and as such I don't want anyone I come into contact with to feel like I'm taking their life for granted.
I don't feel like Clint took life for granted, and I know he made sure to let everyone know just how important they were when he saw them.
To sign off I want to say thanks to Clint. You've touched so many people's lives, and you were a huge role model. I pray that your legacy lives on. I wish I had stayed in touch better. I love you man.
One word.
That's kind of the beauty of words though, right? I mean, "loss" is just a three different letters, arranged into four spaces. I mean, you can throw three letters into four spots and get all sorts of things.
Like, imagine being around way back when, and these things we take for granted don't exist yet, and so you're in charge of deciding what sounds and what letters will create this word. By some act of God you decide on the letters l, o, and s.
Soll? Nah, doesn't quite work... Loos? Not quite what you want... Olso? You think that just sounds funny...
Loss.
Now you can tell the difference between a win and a... loss.
(Loss, doesn't feel like a word anymore... Whoa!)
What's really magical though, is that that one word is more than that. You see on paper it is one word.
Loss.
Four letters.
It's actually a really small word. You learn it really early in life. I mean, knowing that words like the ones in this article exist really make these four letters pale in comparison. http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Big_Words
If you read and understand that all perfectly, then you sir are a scholar. To be fair, I have no idea if it makes sense, so don't be like, "William that makes no sense. It's just a bunch of big words." I just saw the big words, and knew it would get the point across. XD
Does it really pale in comparison though?
All day I've been trying to respond to this word. See, on paper it's four letters. When spoken though... When your ears pick up on the pain the word carries... When your heart can't tell whether it's supposed to keep beating, or have its own moment of silence...
See, that's the power of a word. Granted, I know it's not the word. I know it's the context.
I am at a loss for where I placed my copy of Pokemon Blue. That doesn't cause you to break down.
I suffered a loss this morning, as I received the news that a really good friend of mine, Clint, from high school died in a car accident. That's powerful.
I woke up to my mom informing me of the accident, to which I spent the next 20 minutes or so scrolling through Facebook reading all the posts, and praying that it wasn't true. I found the article, and still continued to pray that it wasn't true. I curled up in my bed, and cried, still praying it wasn't true.
My heart didn't want to exist. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to text anyone. I didn't want to look at Facebook. I just wanted to stop existing, because that's what felt like the easiest route.
I slowly pulled myself out of bed, and curled up next to my mom, and just laid there. She didn't say much, she just held me. After a few more moments, I was able to take a bath, and get ready for the day. My grandma showed up, and we went to lunch.
And I couldn't stop feeling like I was betraying Clint. Like I shouldn't be out in public, having a normal family moment, when a friend wasn't on this planet any longer. I smiled, and partook in the conversation but there was this weight in my heart.
I told my friend that I felt wrong, but part of me felt like Clint wouldn't want life to stop. He was so full of life, and I can't imagine that he would want anything but those he knew to live.
I've been on a high all Summer just about. Finding every last beautiful thing about life to enjoy. I get home, and am every bit ready to continue experiencing every wonderful thing I can.
Here I am, barreling through this rough time. I don't want to lose this view on life. I've been so happy recently, and I've been missing that in recent years. I'm struggling to find that point at the moment
I think, I might have, but I'm not entirely sure, and honestly still need time to process everything that happened.
I try not to take life for granted. I know how easily it is lost. And to be honest, I find that really beautiful.
I'm trying to be careful here, because I don't want the loss of life to be something that doesn't weigh heavily on my heart. I think, though, that by understanding just how easily life can be lost it makes the life we have that much more magical. There are billions of things that could happen, and a huge percent of those things result in death.
That sounds really dark, but it's kind of true. With that in mind, it makes the fact that I'm here that much more of a gift, and as such I don't want anyone I come into contact with to feel like I'm taking their life for granted.
I don't feel like Clint took life for granted, and I know he made sure to let everyone know just how important they were when he saw them.
To sign off I want to say thanks to Clint. You've touched so many people's lives, and you were a huge role model. I pray that your legacy lives on. I wish I had stayed in touch better. I love you man.
Friday, August 9, 2013
The Mediator
So, my apartment doesn't have internet at the moment, which means I'm almost on the move. Still in Houston for a bit, but basically already in Austin/Amarillo/Denton mentally. Trying to squeeze the last bit of awesome out of Houston before I leave though.
I made a post a few days ago about Adam, and spent a ton of time talking about him and how glad I am to have met him.
This blog will break away from highlighting how grateful I am to Adam, and go into how grateful I am to have met someone else. If you pay enough attention I'm quite positive you already know exactly who I'm talking about.
Brandon.
Cut to the title screen where it flashes "So I found "The Google"". (I'm really running with the idea that my blog works as a TV show format. Haha.)
So Brandon. He was very much the middle ground, and the stability I needed for everything to feel normal. Don't get me wrong, Adam and Brandon could very well have been brothers, and they definitely acted as though they were/are.
Adam, as much as I love him, was out there, and Brandon was always there with the mutual understanding that while we didn't understand him, we understood each other.
I don't know if I got any catch phrases from Brandon, but I do know that I got a Summers worth of laughter thanks to him. Here, I'll provide the background music, while I explain what Brandon means to me. =D
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun DUN DUN dun dun dun dun dun dun
So there's this guy named Brandon
dun dun dun DUN DUN dun dun dun
He is a lighthearted guy, and very loud.
dun da doo da dun da DUN DUN dun da doo da dun
He scared me at first due to his screaming at the Blackhawks games.
BAHHHHHH
But I overcame that image and found out he's one of the funniest guys to hang out with.
dun dun dun dun dun dun DUN DUN dun dun dun dun dun
Half the time Brandon and I hung out we were looking over at each other, mutually confused about what Adam was rambling on about.
dun dun dun wee do DUN DUN wee do dun dun dun
He is CCNA certified, which means he can do things!
BAHHHHHHHH
And on a more serious note, Brandon if you're reading this stop laughing. I know that's your favorite episode, but breath. XD
Brandon is a hard working guy. He spent so much time, outside of work, studying and preparing for his CCNA certification, which I sadly still do not fully comprehend. He is super outgoing, and always down to have a new experience. He's nice too, always able to get along with people, except maybe the person from my last post, but that's a rare case. Haha.
Thank you Brandon, for always being a fun guy to hang out with, and nothing like I imagined when we first talked on Facebook. You're definitely going places, and I hope that our paths cross again at some point. Even if it's when Adam recruits us for the adult themed water park, because you know what? The idea has actually grown on me, but don't tell Adam.
I made a post a few days ago about Adam, and spent a ton of time talking about him and how glad I am to have met him.
This blog will break away from highlighting how grateful I am to Adam, and go into how grateful I am to have met someone else. If you pay enough attention I'm quite positive you already know exactly who I'm talking about.
Brandon.
Cut to the title screen where it flashes "So I found "The Google"". (I'm really running with the idea that my blog works as a TV show format. Haha.)
So Brandon. He was very much the middle ground, and the stability I needed for everything to feel normal. Don't get me wrong, Adam and Brandon could very well have been brothers, and they definitely acted as though they were/are.
Adam, as much as I love him, was out there, and Brandon was always there with the mutual understanding that while we didn't understand him, we understood each other.
I don't know if I got any catch phrases from Brandon, but I do know that I got a Summers worth of laughter thanks to him. Here, I'll provide the background music, while I explain what Brandon means to me. =D
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun DUN DUN dun dun dun dun dun dun
So there's this guy named Brandon
dun dun dun DUN DUN dun dun dun
He is a lighthearted guy, and very loud.
dun da doo da dun da DUN DUN dun da doo da dun
He scared me at first due to his screaming at the Blackhawks games.
BAHHHHHH
But I overcame that image and found out he's one of the funniest guys to hang out with.
dun dun dun dun dun dun DUN DUN dun dun dun dun dun
Half the time Brandon and I hung out we were looking over at each other, mutually confused about what Adam was rambling on about.
dun dun dun wee do DUN DUN wee do dun dun dun
He is CCNA certified, which means he can do things!
BAHHHHHHHH
And on a more serious note, Brandon if you're reading this stop laughing. I know that's your favorite episode, but breath. XD
Brandon is a hard working guy. He spent so much time, outside of work, studying and preparing for his CCNA certification, which I sadly still do not fully comprehend. He is super outgoing, and always down to have a new experience. He's nice too, always able to get along with people, except maybe the person from my last post, but that's a rare case. Haha.
Thank you Brandon, for always being a fun guy to hang out with, and nothing like I imagined when we first talked on Facebook. You're definitely going places, and I hope that our paths cross again at some point. Even if it's when Adam recruits us for the adult themed water park, because you know what? The idea has actually grown on me, but don't tell Adam.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
A Very William Night
I was talking with someone the other day, and they're the type of person that it's kind of assumed you don't like. They're cool with it, and I think for the most part they thrive on making you not like them.
Weird.
The weirder thing, is that I don't see it. I've only talked to him a few times, and never really gotten a chance to hang out with him, but I don't dislike him. I find him genuinely fun to be around. People find it quite easily to comment on his less than likable personality and are very disbelieving of my inability to find him unlikable.
Well, we were talking about this. We discussed his understanding of how people viewed him, as well as his ensuring people viewed him that way.
During our conversation it came up that I was too nice and, in a way, naive to see him as a unlikable person. He wasn't telling me it was a bad thing, but was instead telling me that it was due to the fact that I hadn't been truly let down yet.
I thought about it, and I haven't been devastatingly let down yet. Sure, I've been let down by people I trust, but I still, generally, manage to focus on the good in people.
Look, I'm the guy who picks fights with people who are openly bashing people they've never met over terribly outdated stereotypes. I shouldn't, but I dislike when people are being close minded and shutting out an entire population based on very wrong and close minded ideas.
So, it's quite possible that one day, my very trusting nature will be destroyed. I'm not going to deny the very real possibility of the World laughing in my face as I sit there broken and defeated.
The thing though, is that I don't think I'll stay there. If anything, the World will never be able to destroy my faith in God. I will always have that to carry me through rough times, and pick me up when I'm down.
Another thing though, and the part of this that deals with the title. Haha.
I feel like my blogs always have a opening, the title screen, and then go into the story. In fact, they do. My blog is TV show format. Haha.
So, Wednesday night. I went to the Jonas Brothers concert in Houston yesterday. I had planned to go with a friend, but plans fell through and I ended up going by myself.
I had initially planned to take a billion pictures, and videos and spam my Facebook and Twitter and Instagram with them. I didn't, however, because about two songs in I decided I wanted to just live this moment. I shut my phone off, and put it in my pocket, choosing to experience the concert for everything it was.
Now, I don't fit the Jonas Brothers demographic. First, I'm male. Second, I'm Hispanic. Third, I'm 21. Not necessarily in that order, and not saying Hispanics don't like Jonas Brothers, it just isn't the stereotypical demographic. While I was sitting there, I realized that I wasn't wanting to jump around and scream, or what not, but was just happy being there and experiencing it.
I've listened to them for quite a long time, and it was a wonderful experience being able to hear them singing the songs in person. It was one of those things where I never really envisioned myself being able to experience that.
To tie it all together, I realized that I won't ever become a more cynical person. The fact that I was able to listen to The Jonas Brothers sing a few songs, and not scream and shout or jump around but instead just bask in their music and feel refreshed, reinforced my belief that I'll be able to power through things. That I won't stay down, but will always find some aspect of life to find beautiful.
I'm glad I got to go to their concert, and will treasure that experience for a long time. So, shout out to the Jonas Brothers for producing music that inexplicably makes me happy.
Oh, and just for fun, here.
That song is super stuck in my head. Haha. Oh, and then listen to this one:
That's a good one too! =D
Next post should be another person specific post. Prize for whoever guesses it. =D
Weird.
The weirder thing, is that I don't see it. I've only talked to him a few times, and never really gotten a chance to hang out with him, but I don't dislike him. I find him genuinely fun to be around. People find it quite easily to comment on his less than likable personality and are very disbelieving of my inability to find him unlikable.
Well, we were talking about this. We discussed his understanding of how people viewed him, as well as his ensuring people viewed him that way.
During our conversation it came up that I was too nice and, in a way, naive to see him as a unlikable person. He wasn't telling me it was a bad thing, but was instead telling me that it was due to the fact that I hadn't been truly let down yet.
I thought about it, and I haven't been devastatingly let down yet. Sure, I've been let down by people I trust, but I still, generally, manage to focus on the good in people.
Look, I'm the guy who picks fights with people who are openly bashing people they've never met over terribly outdated stereotypes. I shouldn't, but I dislike when people are being close minded and shutting out an entire population based on very wrong and close minded ideas.
So, it's quite possible that one day, my very trusting nature will be destroyed. I'm not going to deny the very real possibility of the World laughing in my face as I sit there broken and defeated.
The thing though, is that I don't think I'll stay there. If anything, the World will never be able to destroy my faith in God. I will always have that to carry me through rough times, and pick me up when I'm down.
Another thing though, and the part of this that deals with the title. Haha.
I feel like my blogs always have a opening, the title screen, and then go into the story. In fact, they do. My blog is TV show format. Haha.
So, Wednesday night. I went to the Jonas Brothers concert in Houston yesterday. I had planned to go with a friend, but plans fell through and I ended up going by myself.
I had initially planned to take a billion pictures, and videos and spam my Facebook and Twitter and Instagram with them. I didn't, however, because about two songs in I decided I wanted to just live this moment. I shut my phone off, and put it in my pocket, choosing to experience the concert for everything it was.
Now, I don't fit the Jonas Brothers demographic. First, I'm male. Second, I'm Hispanic. Third, I'm 21. Not necessarily in that order, and not saying Hispanics don't like Jonas Brothers, it just isn't the stereotypical demographic. While I was sitting there, I realized that I wasn't wanting to jump around and scream, or what not, but was just happy being there and experiencing it.
I've listened to them for quite a long time, and it was a wonderful experience being able to hear them singing the songs in person. It was one of those things where I never really envisioned myself being able to experience that.
To tie it all together, I realized that I won't ever become a more cynical person. The fact that I was able to listen to The Jonas Brothers sing a few songs, and not scream and shout or jump around but instead just bask in their music and feel refreshed, reinforced my belief that I'll be able to power through things. That I won't stay down, but will always find some aspect of life to find beautiful.
I'm glad I got to go to their concert, and will treasure that experience for a long time. So, shout out to the Jonas Brothers for producing music that inexplicably makes me happy.
Oh, and just for fun, here.
That song is super stuck in my head. Haha. Oh, and then listen to this one:
Next post should be another person specific post. Prize for whoever guesses it. =D
Monday, August 5, 2013
The Unexpected Incepted
If you were to go back in time and talk to me in High School, or even a year or so ago, and tell me that this Summer was going to happen the way it has I would have laughed at you. Not offensive laughed, but disbelief laughed.
I'm currently in the middle of writing two other posts, one which has been a work in progress for several weeks now, and one which I started about a week ago. The first one is more of a look at people I'm close to and how I "pray" for them. It'll make sense if I ever post it. XD
The second, and one which is more relevant to this post, is about my Summer. It's me attempting to document my Summer, primarily for my record purposes, and to pinpoint key things this Summer that have shaped me into the better person I am today.
I'm going to take a moment to go post within a post, so just bear with me.
BWOOOOMM!!
I spent my Summer living with two of the greatest people I've ever met, and two people which I would have never believed I'd ever live with. Adam and Brandon might as well be brothers with the way they interact with one another, and it really makes for awesome happenings.
BWOOOOMM!!
I was really worried about living with Adam and Brandon. We had a Facebook group chat going on, and in our conversation Adam asked if we drank. Brandon said yeah, and I responded no. This was the beginning of my worry about my roommates. They then asked if we went out every weekend, and they said yes. I'm pretty sure I stopped responding after that.
BWOOOOMM!!
I almost didn't accept Adam's offer to live with him and Brandon. I turned him down once, and even ignored Brandon's email altogether, but when he sent the second email something clicked in the back of my head. He piqued my interest, and I almost immediately told him I was in. It was a mixture of not wanting to live alone, and not wanting to drive an hour to and from work everyday.
So yeah, if you told me that someone like Adam would have such a huge impact on my life I would have thought you were crazy. Trying to think of how I can best explain it, I find myself speechless. The words in my mind run from my as I try to grasp them.
Here.
Sometimes you meet people who your natural reaction is to block out. Sometimes you meet people who you immediately trust. Adam was the first one. I interacted where needed, and formed a basic enough relationship that I was able to exist nicely. Then, in one sitting, he became that second type of person. I can't explain why, and I don't think I'll ever be able to properly explain why, but I don't really want to.
See, Adam, in many ways, embodies who I want to be. Now, I'm very fine with not being Adam, but he has allowed me to grow in ways that I never though possible. Being around Adam gives me that feeling of being able to conquer anything. There is no task that isn't doable. There's no challenge too hard. There's nothing that can stop me.
If ever asked about Adam, I will respond with the following, very true statement.
Adam is not what meets the eye. There are things about him that you can read from looking at him, and while they aren't false, they are not Adam. Adam is one of the most understanding people I've met, and always implores those around him to push themselves to be better. I have no idea where I would be if I hadn't met Adam, but it would pale in comparison to where I am now.
Now, I don't want you to think that I am only thankful for Adam as my roommate. Without Brandon this Summer wouldn't have had quite as much life in it. Brandon and everyone else I have met this Summer will continue to affect my life long after we all split and go our own ways. I look forward to that in fact.
The reason for the focus on Adam, is because he really has helped me grow, and it was his superb personality that was the catalyst for my growth. So, thanks Adam! Thanks everyone! My next post should go more into detail about what my Summer has been consisting of, and everyone I've met. So, expect a long post. XD
I'm currently in the middle of writing two other posts, one which has been a work in progress for several weeks now, and one which I started about a week ago. The first one is more of a look at people I'm close to and how I "pray" for them. It'll make sense if I ever post it. XD
The second, and one which is more relevant to this post, is about my Summer. It's me attempting to document my Summer, primarily for my record purposes, and to pinpoint key things this Summer that have shaped me into the better person I am today.
I'm going to take a moment to go post within a post, so just bear with me.
BWOOOOMM!!
I spent my Summer living with two of the greatest people I've ever met, and two people which I would have never believed I'd ever live with. Adam and Brandon might as well be brothers with the way they interact with one another, and it really makes for awesome happenings.
BWOOOOMM!!
I was really worried about living with Adam and Brandon. We had a Facebook group chat going on, and in our conversation Adam asked if we drank. Brandon said yeah, and I responded no. This was the beginning of my worry about my roommates. They then asked if we went out every weekend, and they said yes. I'm pretty sure I stopped responding after that.
BWOOOOMM!!
I almost didn't accept Adam's offer to live with him and Brandon. I turned him down once, and even ignored Brandon's email altogether, but when he sent the second email something clicked in the back of my head. He piqued my interest, and I almost immediately told him I was in. It was a mixture of not wanting to live alone, and not wanting to drive an hour to and from work everyday.
So yeah, if you told me that someone like Adam would have such a huge impact on my life I would have thought you were crazy. Trying to think of how I can best explain it, I find myself speechless. The words in my mind run from my as I try to grasp them.
Here.
Sometimes you meet people who your natural reaction is to block out. Sometimes you meet people who you immediately trust. Adam was the first one. I interacted where needed, and formed a basic enough relationship that I was able to exist nicely. Then, in one sitting, he became that second type of person. I can't explain why, and I don't think I'll ever be able to properly explain why, but I don't really want to.
See, Adam, in many ways, embodies who I want to be. Now, I'm very fine with not being Adam, but he has allowed me to grow in ways that I never though possible. Being around Adam gives me that feeling of being able to conquer anything. There is no task that isn't doable. There's no challenge too hard. There's nothing that can stop me.
If ever asked about Adam, I will respond with the following, very true statement.
Adam is not what meets the eye. There are things about him that you can read from looking at him, and while they aren't false, they are not Adam. Adam is one of the most understanding people I've met, and always implores those around him to push themselves to be better. I have no idea where I would be if I hadn't met Adam, but it would pale in comparison to where I am now.
Now, I don't want you to think that I am only thankful for Adam as my roommate. Without Brandon this Summer wouldn't have had quite as much life in it. Brandon and everyone else I have met this Summer will continue to affect my life long after we all split and go our own ways. I look forward to that in fact.
The reason for the focus on Adam, is because he really has helped me grow, and it was his superb personality that was the catalyst for my growth. So, thanks Adam! Thanks everyone! My next post should go more into detail about what my Summer has been consisting of, and everyone I've met. So, expect a long post. XD
Monday, July 15, 2013
Dreams By William
I was really intent on remembering my dream from last night the moment I woke up, but it's now 3 PM and I've been up for 8 ish hours.
Here's what I recall though.
I'm pretty sure I was following Fury around, and not the cool Fury but Samuel L. Jackson Fury. We were following some dude around, who was really bad apparently. Well, Fury this guy and a few others were squaring off on this cliff. I was down below, and trying to find a way to get up there to help out. I ended up getting up a bit, and as he got closer I went to knock him down, but couldn't or something. This kept him occupied long enough for the other peoples to help out.
At this point it was revealed that he worked for someone really powerful in the city, and that by messing with him we were starting a fight we couldn't understand the size of. Well, Fury being Fury dismissed his warnings and threw him in his car, taking off for Shield headquarters, at least that's what my thoughts are.
I was no longer physically following Fury, but rather watching events unfold within his vehicle as though a spirit or a camera in a movie. Either way, the guy ranted about the power Fury was picking a fight with, and Fury responded with how he was going to bring justice to this guy or whatever Fury says. Well, out of the blue the captive gets shot, and I start looking around wildly.
Was there a sniper? Who killed him? What was the point?
Fury starts looking around too, and about this time both Fury and I realize the scope of what was started. We both realize that this villain has such a hold on the city that any single citizen could be turned against us at his very wish. It is at that time that the two of us in unison turn to look out the passenger window and see a lady, in every manner of the word, pull out a machine gun and go to town on Fury's car.
Cut.
Just like a movie, no?
Well, I think I woke up at that point, and then went back to sleep where I continued the dream.
It was as though time had passed, and I was standing there in the midst of all these super heroes. You could see it on every face in the room that the losses we had faced were greater than we had expected. Heroes around the room were taking off their masks and calling it a loss, saving what little they could before everything was gone.
And I stood up, commanding their attention. I don't know if I had powers or not, strangely enough this dream didn't require me to have powers. Instead I looked around at them, at their pain, at their suffering, and spoke to them.
(Paraphrased because it was a dream, and I don't recall my dream speech from over 8 hours ago. Sorry.)
"Look at you. Look at each other. What do you see? I see grief. I see loss and pain but most importantly I see hope. It's dwindling, but it's there. You're taking off your masks and you're calling it quits, and that's fine, be my guest. Before you do though, ask yourself if that's the right decision. Seriously look inside yourself. I mean, why did you don the mask in the first place? Why did you place yourself in all of those sticky situations in the first place? For some of you it was loss. Some of you found yourselves so lost that you vowed to protect others so they would never experience that. Some of you grieved and pledged to guard others from the very pain you endured. All of you know the pain of letting someone down, and yet you're all still here. So take off your mask and call it a day. Let your enemies claim their biggest victory over you. Not taking your life, but shutting you down. Our enemy is powerful, and claims the lives of many of those closest to us, but if you stop now, if you let him take the fight out of you, if you let him continue to reign over ordinary citizens then what do those deaths stand for? Listen to your heart, listen to the cries for help. Together, we can be the beacon of hope that we have been for many years."
I don't recall anything after that. I only roughly recalled the major themes of the speech. I just thought it a rather cool dream.
I don't recall anything after that. I only roughly recalled the major themes of the speech. I just thought it a rather cool dream.
I think, I drew my dream from three things I watched this weekend.
Fast Five : Taking on someone who controlled the city.
The Dark Knight Rises : Laying down the mask when faced with unfavorable odds.
D-Gray Man : Anyone could be the villain, regardless of how innocent looking.
I dunno. I liked the dream, and I liked my speech at the end. Now, this version is beefed up in some spots sure, and probably seriously dumbed down in other spots, but still good. I think it can be applied for anyone, and probably should be. XD
Hope you guys get to dream as exciting as I do. =P
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Schrödinger's Door
I just told someone the age old saying, "When one door closes, another door opens."
In doing so I started thinking about life, and opportunities and chances. I started thinking about it, as I'm oft to do, and found myself thinking about all the doors that have shut in my life, but realizing all the doors that I've been through and all the doors I currently face.
See, I realize that I've had a ton of opportunities pass me up. I never studied abroad, I didn't travel out of the country, I never had that dazzle that makes you stand out on page from the next guy. I was, and still am, a fairly ordinary guy. As far as computer science goes I'm not a stand out guy. I started programming after I graduated high school basically, and as such have been programming for about 3 years now. Not planning to drop out and start the next big company or anything.
I'm not saying I'm not happy with where I am or what I've done. I feel like while coming from a good home, and smart parents I've still overcome a lot of adversity and had to fight to get where I am. I'm not at UT for free. I had a conversation with my father that went a lot like this, "Dad, I can handle the debt. I know we don't have enough to pay for UT, and I know I don't have the scholarships, but I can make it work. It's the best CS degree I can strive for in Texas, and there are tons of openings for new graduates. I can make it work." Small, I know. Some people have so much more financial burdens than my family and myself, but that doesn't mean I didn't/don't have financial issues. Before the first semester was up, I called my mother and cried my heart out because I was sick of being so far from my family and friends. I basically begged her to not make me continue, to which she said I could transfer schools, that we'd make it work. My response? Still crying I told her that we both knew that was a silly option, that we knew I wouldn't settle for a degree elsewhere, not because it was worse, but because UT's program was so good. I stuck it out, and am absolutely thrilled to be in UT's program. I tell everyone how great it is, because I truly believe that everything about it is worth any amount of struggles I went through to get there.
So William, you're not really connecting back to the title here, are you planning to do that?
Yeah, playing DJ and blogging is hard work for one guy so bear with me. XD
So Schrödinger... You probably know his name because of that darn cat of his. Well, if you aren't acquainted with it the basic idea is as follows:
1. Place a cat in a box.
2. (Maybe time passes, but I'm not sure)
3. Is the cat alive or dead?
See, without actually observing the cat you don't know. Until you open the box and look the cat can be both dead and alive. Interesting idea to comprehend, because you know logically something can't be alive and dead but at the same time you know not which area the cat falls into and as a result it fits both.
Granted, if you bury the box and it isn't dead you'll feel bad. XD
Cat... Life.... Chances... Doors...
Got it?
Ok, let me explain further. See, I was facing the door of going to UT when I was a senior. It was definitely open, but until I stepped through that door it held both infinite possibilities and none. The chance to make a name for myself, to learn a skill that would greatly benefit me in this changing world, to learn so much about life, and at the same time a pile of debt that I'd never escape. Kinda dramatic, yeah, but I mean, the uncertainty that's there is the basic idea.
I know I've missed several opportunities because of this. They could have turned out to be great, but they could have ended terribly. I always overanalyzed, I still do, and as a result would just look at that open door and imagine the other side but never bother to step through because of what it could have held. In fact, in what was almost the worst decision of my life, I almost didn't apply for CSSI. I might have discussed this before, but I don't recall.
I heard abut the program, and basically had everyone and their grandma tell me it would be awesome if I got accepted. I waited though, till the last possible minute to submit the application because I was terrified of losing three weeks with my friends before the college split.
I lost those three weeks with my friends, but I gained so many more, and a ton of opportunities that I couldn't have anticipated.
See, it's alright to let the unknown scare you. In fact, it should. But don't let that control you. See, there's so much waiting for you beyond that door. Trust yourself, trust your gut, and go for it.
Oh, and there's nothing wrong with not being extraordinary. But if it bothers you, make that change.
In doing so I started thinking about life, and opportunities and chances. I started thinking about it, as I'm oft to do, and found myself thinking about all the doors that have shut in my life, but realizing all the doors that I've been through and all the doors I currently face.
See, I realize that I've had a ton of opportunities pass me up. I never studied abroad, I didn't travel out of the country, I never had that dazzle that makes you stand out on page from the next guy. I was, and still am, a fairly ordinary guy. As far as computer science goes I'm not a stand out guy. I started programming after I graduated high school basically, and as such have been programming for about 3 years now. Not planning to drop out and start the next big company or anything.
I'm not saying I'm not happy with where I am or what I've done. I feel like while coming from a good home, and smart parents I've still overcome a lot of adversity and had to fight to get where I am. I'm not at UT for free. I had a conversation with my father that went a lot like this, "Dad, I can handle the debt. I know we don't have enough to pay for UT, and I know I don't have the scholarships, but I can make it work. It's the best CS degree I can strive for in Texas, and there are tons of openings for new graduates. I can make it work." Small, I know. Some people have so much more financial burdens than my family and myself, but that doesn't mean I didn't/don't have financial issues. Before the first semester was up, I called my mother and cried my heart out because I was sick of being so far from my family and friends. I basically begged her to not make me continue, to which she said I could transfer schools, that we'd make it work. My response? Still crying I told her that we both knew that was a silly option, that we knew I wouldn't settle for a degree elsewhere, not because it was worse, but because UT's program was so good. I stuck it out, and am absolutely thrilled to be in UT's program. I tell everyone how great it is, because I truly believe that everything about it is worth any amount of struggles I went through to get there.
So William, you're not really connecting back to the title here, are you planning to do that?
Yeah, playing DJ and blogging is hard work for one guy so bear with me. XD
So Schrödinger... You probably know his name because of that darn cat of his. Well, if you aren't acquainted with it the basic idea is as follows:
1. Place a cat in a box.
2. (Maybe time passes, but I'm not sure)
3. Is the cat alive or dead?
See, without actually observing the cat you don't know. Until you open the box and look the cat can be both dead and alive. Interesting idea to comprehend, because you know logically something can't be alive and dead but at the same time you know not which area the cat falls into and as a result it fits both.
Granted, if you bury the box and it isn't dead you'll feel bad. XD
Cat... Life.... Chances... Doors...
Got it?
Ok, let me explain further. See, I was facing the door of going to UT when I was a senior. It was definitely open, but until I stepped through that door it held both infinite possibilities and none. The chance to make a name for myself, to learn a skill that would greatly benefit me in this changing world, to learn so much about life, and at the same time a pile of debt that I'd never escape. Kinda dramatic, yeah, but I mean, the uncertainty that's there is the basic idea.
I know I've missed several opportunities because of this. They could have turned out to be great, but they could have ended terribly. I always overanalyzed, I still do, and as a result would just look at that open door and imagine the other side but never bother to step through because of what it could have held. In fact, in what was almost the worst decision of my life, I almost didn't apply for CSSI. I might have discussed this before, but I don't recall.
I heard abut the program, and basically had everyone and their grandma tell me it would be awesome if I got accepted. I waited though, till the last possible minute to submit the application because I was terrified of losing three weeks with my friends before the college split.
I lost those three weeks with my friends, but I gained so many more, and a ton of opportunities that I couldn't have anticipated.
See, it's alright to let the unknown scare you. In fact, it should. But don't let that control you. See, there's so much waiting for you beyond that door. Trust yourself, trust your gut, and go for it.
Oh, and there's nothing wrong with not being extraordinary. But if it bothers you, make that change.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Sports... Who'da Thunk?
Whoa slow down there killer. What are you trying to say here? After all, you didn't make it secret that you were playing on an intramural soccer team. I mean it's not like you're sitting here trying to tell everyone that you might actually like sports or something. Haha. That would be silly. Haha... Right? Ha.William? You're making me nervous here... Just... Don't tell me you've succumbed to the competitive nature that entails sports, or that you enjoy watching them, because think of all the video games that could be filling your time... Better yet you could be productive instead of caring about sports. Just... William? Willie..? Will? Bi-
And stop right there. I'm cool with variants of William, but Bill is something I'll never be able to accept. Darn! And I just made that post a few weeks ago about me being more accepting. Looks like I'm moving backward in life. Haha.
But yeah, sports. What's that all about, right? Well, I may have recently discovered that I do in fact enjoy sports, JUST LET ME TALK AND STOP FREAKING OUT ON ME OK?
I don't think I ever disliked sports, I mean, I've always known the rules, and I can watch pretty much any sport and know exactly what is going on. I've always know what "good" looks like, and am fully capable of recognizing "great" in a game. There are a few sports that I know nothing about, and I've recently learned that Hockey is one of them, although I know the goals, and can recognize epic things. Haha.
Knowing basics of sports is not means to actually like a sport though, which leads me to my next point. I really enjoy sporting events. I never really enjoyed football, and I still think I don't, but I enjoyed the ability to interact with other people through being near people who are watching some guys throw the ol' pigskin around. For example, this last SuperBowl. I didn't really care much for it, but I enjoyed being with the Emily, Sara, Enrique, and crew to watch it and enjoy Enrique's queso and just chill. That was fun. I think Baltimore won... The Ravens? Right? Haha. =D
I realized in the past few weeks that I really miss going to baseball games. The more I think about it, the more I just loved the stadiums and the whole feeling of being in the crowd. I keep thinking back to the few Rangers games we went to, the one A&M baseball game I went to with Brian and Summer, and the one Round Rock Express game I went to with Cathy, Ann, Ricky, and Ernest. I had so much fun, especially the last two as I remember them best, just yelling with the crowd and joking and what not.
Basketball? Game 6! How crazy close it was!! Yeah, I watched those games. I knew my sister was cheering for the Spurs, but I was just enjoying watching it, not necessarily rooting for either team, but just kind of a bias toward the Spurs for my sister. I also, really enjoyed watching my sister play, or Wehrmeister and his team. I loved shouting them on as friends, and as players. I really like when I have a personality to cheer for and not just a face.
And then there's Soccer. I've been playing Soccer. I really enjoy Soccer. Like, that is the only sport I will actively play. I think that might be why I never was much into sports, because I never actually got a chance to truly play the sport that most intrigued me. I live in Houston for the Summer, and as such, I am making every attempt to attend all the Dynamo games that occur on the weekends and getting the most out of those experiences as possible.
All in all. I think I'm growing up, and the sports thing is minor, but still. Haha. Ok, it's small, and it's not really all the new, but it's cool. Especially because I had a nice conversation with my dad about sports and things the other day. Haha. =D
And now, I'm watching a filibuster. I don't do politics. What is going on? Haha.
And stop right there. I'm cool with variants of William, but Bill is something I'll never be able to accept. Darn! And I just made that post a few weeks ago about me being more accepting. Looks like I'm moving backward in life. Haha.
But yeah, sports. What's that all about, right? Well, I may have recently discovered that I do in fact enjoy sports, JUST LET ME TALK AND STOP FREAKING OUT ON ME OK?
I don't think I ever disliked sports, I mean, I've always known the rules, and I can watch pretty much any sport and know exactly what is going on. I've always know what "good" looks like, and am fully capable of recognizing "great" in a game. There are a few sports that I know nothing about, and I've recently learned that Hockey is one of them, although I know the goals, and can recognize epic things. Haha.
Knowing basics of sports is not means to actually like a sport though, which leads me to my next point. I really enjoy sporting events. I never really enjoyed football, and I still think I don't, but I enjoyed the ability to interact with other people through being near people who are watching some guys throw the ol' pigskin around. For example, this last SuperBowl. I didn't really care much for it, but I enjoyed being with the Emily, Sara, Enrique, and crew to watch it and enjoy Enrique's queso and just chill. That was fun. I think Baltimore won... The Ravens? Right? Haha. =D
I realized in the past few weeks that I really miss going to baseball games. The more I think about it, the more I just loved the stadiums and the whole feeling of being in the crowd. I keep thinking back to the few Rangers games we went to, the one A&M baseball game I went to with Brian and Summer, and the one Round Rock Express game I went to with Cathy, Ann, Ricky, and Ernest. I had so much fun, especially the last two as I remember them best, just yelling with the crowd and joking and what not.
Basketball? Game 6! How crazy close it was!! Yeah, I watched those games. I knew my sister was cheering for the Spurs, but I was just enjoying watching it, not necessarily rooting for either team, but just kind of a bias toward the Spurs for my sister. I also, really enjoyed watching my sister play, or Wehrmeister and his team. I loved shouting them on as friends, and as players. I really like when I have a personality to cheer for and not just a face.
And then there's Soccer. I've been playing Soccer. I really enjoy Soccer. Like, that is the only sport I will actively play. I think that might be why I never was much into sports, because I never actually got a chance to truly play the sport that most intrigued me. I live in Houston for the Summer, and as such, I am making every attempt to attend all the Dynamo games that occur on the weekends and getting the most out of those experiences as possible.
All in all. I think I'm growing up, and the sports thing is minor, but still. Haha. Ok, it's small, and it's not really all the new, but it's cool. Especially because I had a nice conversation with my dad about sports and things the other day. Haha. =D
And now, I'm watching a filibuster. I don't do politics. What is going on? Haha.
Monday, June 17, 2013
I Am Thou... Thou Art I...
Spent my weekend in Austin crashing my super awesome friend*coughMattcough*'s weekend. =D
Decided to road trip with one of my roommates to Austin because he wanted to visit his friend from high school who goes to UT, and I needed to pick up The Last of Us, which I had pre-ordered. So, at the core of things, I sat in a car for 6ish hours this weekend just so I could get a video game. (I promise I'm not obsessed or anything with video games.)
Speaking of which, I pre-ordered a PS4, and nicely enough got upgraded from a standard to a launch edition on Amazon, which means I will get mine pretty much on launch day. Which is super awesome, and I'm really super duper excited. Also, Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 Remix is already pre-ordered as well, and I can't wait to relive the magic. (Expect a post where I tell you all just how much I love Kingdom Hearts again. It'll be like, the 4th one I think. Haha.)
So, back to my weekend. Got dropped of by my roommate, and met up with Matt, who quickly gave me his key so I could get into his place, as he already had plans, and I told him not to let me interfere and that I was capable of entertaining myself with my Vita.
Speaking of which, I started Persona 4 Golden, and I forgot how much I missed the series. If you're quick, and know of the series, then you caught the reference when you read the title. One of my favorite things about Persona 4 is how everyone has to come to terms with a part of them that they try to hide from everyone, and even deny to themselves. It's something that sort of hits home, especially since I've come to terms with a lot of my inner things that I denied for a long time.
I feel like that's something that a lot of people do as they grow up. I know I hid a lot of things from a lot of people, including myself, and over the years it didn't disappear but rather grew until it became this really dark thing that I found myself fighting with constantly, much in the same way things happen in Persona 4, except mine didn't turn into a crazy shadow that tried to kill me, and upon accepting it I received an awesome Persona I could use to fight the shadows. Haha.
Basically though, everyone has something about them they run from. Everyone has a dark side that they try to cover up, that they deny, that they push back until it consumes them. Some people manage to get through it. Some people have their faith that allows them to accept it, and grow from it. Some people have friends who they lean on and who in turn see their dark side, and accept it, giving the person the strength to accept it as well. And yet, sadly enough, there are so many people out there who have nothing to help them through it. There are people who struggle, and yet never receive the helping hand they are looking for.
At this point, I think the only thing I can say is that it definitely gets better. I mean, I ran from a lot. All it takes, is the courage to look at yourself, and say that that is you, but you're so much more than that. Once you do that, you'll feel that weight lifted. Not saying this is going to magically solve any and all problems, although I wish it would, but that it will definitely help this one. If you can't find the strength in yourself, then don't just give in to it. It's perfectly acceptable to not be able to overcome something on your own. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.
My first suggestion would be to pray. I know that with prayer and through listening to God, however crazy that may seem to some of you, you'll be able to overcome anything that is thrown your way. My next suggestion would be to talk to someone. This is scary, I know, and as someone who tries not to talk to people about my problems I have struggled with asking people for help. I did though, on several occasions, and it has definitely paid off in the end. I understand it'll be weird, and you won't know where to start, but find that person who listens, if you have someone, online friends count, you don't have to see them in person, just someone you trust.
I hope that if any of you reading this don't know anyone that you could talk to realize that I will always be willing to help out any way possible. Even if it's just letting you vent, and me being there to listen/read. I'm good at that. I promise.
Back to my weekend. XD
Hung out for a bit and got food with Matt before we called it a night after watching a LOL match. After we woke up we met up with Ernest, and the three of us played some N64 games for a bit. We played vs on Star Fox 64, and then Smash Bros. Good classics. After everyone got bored, we ran to food at Noodles and Company, before bowling at the Union. Let us not discuss how bad of a bowler I am. XD
When we got done with that we split up, and Matt and I went back to his place. He had me start playing Catherine, while he did some homework. Back when Catherine came out I didn't really hear much about it, but I quickly wrote it off as a video game I'd probably never play. Well, Matt talked it up, and I ended up playing it. After a while, Matt's roommate Jimbo showed up. I continued playing, and Matt and Jimbo watched a lot of me playing Catherine. A lot of Matt making fun of my puzzle skills ensued.
Well, after 6ish hours of playing Catherine, the three of us ended up going to Kerbey Lane, where we just ate and discussed life and things. On the way we got asked, "Did you guys order the Domino?" Not Dominos, just Domino. We enjoyed that quite a bit. Afterward we chilled some more and I did some more Catherine. More antagonistic remarks from Matthew. Haha. We all ended up going to bed eventually.
In the morning, I got in another hour of Catherine before I had to leave, saving at exactly 8 hours of gameplay. Drove back to Houston with my roommate, and had some more super awesome bonding time. When we got back we met up with our other roommate and the three of us went swimming. These 2 kids latched onto us, and we ended up serving as their basketball goals while they played pig against each other. Eventually, I became the goal of choice, and served as such until the kids had to leave.
After that, I finally got to play The Last of Us.
Speaking of which, if you have the chance to play it play it. I fell in love at the beginning, and am sold. Had to fight back tears in the first like... 10 minutes. Crazy stuff going down! I need to play more, but my plan is as follows:
Get in 1 match of League a night. Preferably with Cody, but if not then Ranked.
Play The Last of Us for an hour a night.
Play Persona 4 for an hour a night.
Play Tomb Raider for an hour a night.
Basically spend my nights gaming, but in such a way that I can make time for hanging out with roommates and eat in between sessions. Also, I'm not sticking to that schedule rigidly, I'm free to switch things up whenever I so please. XD
List of Games I am in the middle of and need to finish before the PS4 comes into existence (And hopefully much sooner. I will be updating the list as time goes on, removing and adding games as needed.):
Tomb Raider
Persona 4: Golden
Catherine
The Last of Us
Ni No Kuni
(Not necessarily in that order...)
Decided to road trip with one of my roommates to Austin because he wanted to visit his friend from high school who goes to UT, and I needed to pick up The Last of Us, which I had pre-ordered. So, at the core of things, I sat in a car for 6ish hours this weekend just so I could get a video game. (I promise I'm not obsessed or anything with video games.)
Speaking of which, I pre-ordered a PS4, and nicely enough got upgraded from a standard to a launch edition on Amazon, which means I will get mine pretty much on launch day. Which is super awesome, and I'm really super duper excited. Also, Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 Remix is already pre-ordered as well, and I can't wait to relive the magic. (Expect a post where I tell you all just how much I love Kingdom Hearts again. It'll be like, the 4th one I think. Haha.)
So, back to my weekend. Got dropped of by my roommate, and met up with Matt, who quickly gave me his key so I could get into his place, as he already had plans, and I told him not to let me interfere and that I was capable of entertaining myself with my Vita.
Speaking of which, I started Persona 4 Golden, and I forgot how much I missed the series. If you're quick, and know of the series, then you caught the reference when you read the title. One of my favorite things about Persona 4 is how everyone has to come to terms with a part of them that they try to hide from everyone, and even deny to themselves. It's something that sort of hits home, especially since I've come to terms with a lot of my inner things that I denied for a long time.
I feel like that's something that a lot of people do as they grow up. I know I hid a lot of things from a lot of people, including myself, and over the years it didn't disappear but rather grew until it became this really dark thing that I found myself fighting with constantly, much in the same way things happen in Persona 4, except mine didn't turn into a crazy shadow that tried to kill me, and upon accepting it I received an awesome Persona I could use to fight the shadows. Haha.
Basically though, everyone has something about them they run from. Everyone has a dark side that they try to cover up, that they deny, that they push back until it consumes them. Some people manage to get through it. Some people have their faith that allows them to accept it, and grow from it. Some people have friends who they lean on and who in turn see their dark side, and accept it, giving the person the strength to accept it as well. And yet, sadly enough, there are so many people out there who have nothing to help them through it. There are people who struggle, and yet never receive the helping hand they are looking for.
At this point, I think the only thing I can say is that it definitely gets better. I mean, I ran from a lot. All it takes, is the courage to look at yourself, and say that that is you, but you're so much more than that. Once you do that, you'll feel that weight lifted. Not saying this is going to magically solve any and all problems, although I wish it would, but that it will definitely help this one. If you can't find the strength in yourself, then don't just give in to it. It's perfectly acceptable to not be able to overcome something on your own. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.
My first suggestion would be to pray. I know that with prayer and through listening to God, however crazy that may seem to some of you, you'll be able to overcome anything that is thrown your way. My next suggestion would be to talk to someone. This is scary, I know, and as someone who tries not to talk to people about my problems I have struggled with asking people for help. I did though, on several occasions, and it has definitely paid off in the end. I understand it'll be weird, and you won't know where to start, but find that person who listens, if you have someone, online friends count, you don't have to see them in person, just someone you trust.
I hope that if any of you reading this don't know anyone that you could talk to realize that I will always be willing to help out any way possible. Even if it's just letting you vent, and me being there to listen/read. I'm good at that. I promise.
Back to my weekend. XD
Hung out for a bit and got food with Matt before we called it a night after watching a LOL match. After we woke up we met up with Ernest, and the three of us played some N64 games for a bit. We played vs on Star Fox 64, and then Smash Bros. Good classics. After everyone got bored, we ran to food at Noodles and Company, before bowling at the Union. Let us not discuss how bad of a bowler I am. XD
When we got done with that we split up, and Matt and I went back to his place. He had me start playing Catherine, while he did some homework. Back when Catherine came out I didn't really hear much about it, but I quickly wrote it off as a video game I'd probably never play. Well, Matt talked it up, and I ended up playing it. After a while, Matt's roommate Jimbo showed up. I continued playing, and Matt and Jimbo watched a lot of me playing Catherine. A lot of Matt making fun of my puzzle skills ensued.
Well, after 6ish hours of playing Catherine, the three of us ended up going to Kerbey Lane, where we just ate and discussed life and things. On the way we got asked, "Did you guys order the Domino?" Not Dominos, just Domino. We enjoyed that quite a bit. Afterward we chilled some more and I did some more Catherine. More antagonistic remarks from Matthew. Haha. We all ended up going to bed eventually.
In the morning, I got in another hour of Catherine before I had to leave, saving at exactly 8 hours of gameplay. Drove back to Houston with my roommate, and had some more super awesome bonding time. When we got back we met up with our other roommate and the three of us went swimming. These 2 kids latched onto us, and we ended up serving as their basketball goals while they played pig against each other. Eventually, I became the goal of choice, and served as such until the kids had to leave.
After that, I finally got to play The Last of Us.
Speaking of which, if you have the chance to play it play it. I fell in love at the beginning, and am sold. Had to fight back tears in the first like... 10 minutes. Crazy stuff going down! I need to play more, but my plan is as follows:
Get in 1 match of League a night. Preferably with Cody, but if not then Ranked.
Play The Last of Us for an hour a night.
Play Persona 4 for an hour a night.
Play Tomb Raider for an hour a night.
Basically spend my nights gaming, but in such a way that I can make time for hanging out with roommates and eat in between sessions. Also, I'm not sticking to that schedule rigidly, I'm free to switch things up whenever I so please. XD
List of Games I am in the middle of and need to finish before the PS4 comes into existence (And hopefully much sooner. I will be updating the list as time goes on, removing and adding games as needed.):
Tomb Raider
Persona 4: Golden
Catherine
The Last of Us
Ni No Kuni
(Not necessarily in that order...)
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
I'm a Fanboy and I'm Proud
So, I really wanted to post yesterday, but that was too soon, and I just overwhelmed you with my re-introduction so it wouldn't have been right to overwhelm you with me freaking out about video games.
Well, I plan to have some more introspective posts, but this one, right now, will be a lot more fun than that.
Yesterday, June 10th, 2013, I was overcome with excitement. Microsoft had had they're E3 conference, and despite having really exciting looking games to show, they caused a lot of discussion due to business decisions and prices and such.
Coming out of work knowing all of this, I was super anxious for the Sony Conference. It could have been very bad, and I was hoping it didn't go south.
Well, I got myself situated on my bed, laptop out, livestream up, waiting for the conference. I'd seen some leaked trailers of games before hand, and was excited with the trailers Microsoft had shown that were cross platform.
The conference started late, and they played a really awesome intro, and I immediately was overwhelmed with the whole event. Right there I knew why I was a fan of Sony and Playstation.
I eagerly posted on Tumblr my reactions to every little trailer and thing they announced, all leading up to when I would explode with excitement.
You see, if you don't keep up with video games, Sony gave Square Enix some time, and they announced Kingdom Hearts 3.
One simple game. A simple 2-3 minute teaser of a game that is "In Development." That's when my world imploded with excitement.
My Tumblr blew up, I blew up my Facebook, and I frantically texted anyone I knew would listen.
"KINGDOM HEARTS 3 IS HAPPENING GUYS!!"
I made a post a while back, about how much I loved Kingdom Hearts, but I don't think I portrayed that properly. You see, Kingdom Hearts probably had some of the biggest influences on my character development. People know me as being a Blue, and I'll give you that my wanting to serve others was something I picked up in church as a kid, but it also comes from Kingdom Hearts.
I grew up with a variety of video games, and almost all of them had a hero of sorts who went out of they're way to save people. I know my brother was super attached to Sonic as a kid. For me it was Sora.
Something about him drew me in, and I will forever be drawn in. He starts the game off, as this goofy kid just playing on an island with his friends, wondering what's out beyond the ocean. All of a sudden his world is devoured in darkness, and he is given the key to saving all worlds. That's not something you take lightly. And he doesn't! He struggles with it, and just wants to find his friends. He runs from planet to planet, and every single time he looks for his friends. He never gives up hope, even when all seems lost. His best friend steals his Keyblade, and as a result his two companions Donald and Goofy, leaving him completely alone, and yet he doesn't stop. He fights on for his friends.
Like, this kid is the epitome of all things I strive to be. He is nothing but loyal to his friends, and fights for the good of people he has barely met. He's kind hearted, always encouraging others. He's selfless. And he's growing up. The games have done a great job of showing that. He's learning, and evolving. But he's still optimistic and kind. Which is what gets me the most.
Now, I'm not the number one Kingdom Hearts fan out there. I've not played all the games. I couldn't recount to you all the stories and Keyblades, and I forget things. One thing is for sure though, and that is that Sora's attitude, his persona, is the very thing that I continually strive to be like. If I come within a stone's throw of Sora's character I'm ecstatic.
So, with that in mind, it's easier to understand why I flipped out about this next installment in the series. I'm honestly just excited to see how his character grows, and how he develops through the struggles he faces in this game.
And, because I'm so excited about this video game, I'm going to reiterate a point I brought up a long time ago. Video Games are an art form, in the same way that a book is an art form. Video Games are capable of compelling storylines in the same way a book is. Video Games can create worlds and characters that we fall in love with just as a book can.
I don't want someone to think I'm ragging on books though and think that games should replace them, I don't. I just want to make sure you all understand how much video games mean to me, and how much I've grown and learned from them. These days it's common to see news reports about the following:
"Video Games, are they poisoning out youth?"
"Alleged shooter known to play WOW"
"Could video games be behind the murders in..."
Which I find absolutely bogus. It's sort of, as I learned in my English class this last semester, the same argument some people had with Shakespeare. He didn't make his plays follow the Three Unities, time, place, and action. See he made plays that took more time in the play, than it took to present the play. When critiqued, however, one critic said that the audience was smart enough to know that what they were watching was fake, but were willing to suspend that knowledge to believe the play.
Same thing here, none of them play a game and think it's dandy to actually carry that over.
I digressed... I just wanted to talk about how a good video game should not be written off as not being literary. I just think it's new, and people don't quite understand that it takes a good story to draw in so many players, and get them hooked on the characters to the point where people literally thrive off of that character. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle created the character of Sherlock who has survived the ages, and people today thrive off of that character.
I thrive off of Sora.
I'm not really in the Harry Potter fandom. Never having read the books hurt me in that are. I'm not ashamed of it though. A lot of people needed Harry Potter, and he was right in their lives.
I needed Sora, and he was right in my life. He is still right in my life.
And now he's coming back. And I can't tell you how excited I am to hear this, because there isn't enough space in the world to properly display that.
Now, go listen to some Kingdom Hearts music. Like Dearly Beloved. You'll fall in love, just like I did. =D
Well, I plan to have some more introspective posts, but this one, right now, will be a lot more fun than that.
Yesterday, June 10th, 2013, I was overcome with excitement. Microsoft had had they're E3 conference, and despite having really exciting looking games to show, they caused a lot of discussion due to business decisions and prices and such.
Coming out of work knowing all of this, I was super anxious for the Sony Conference. It could have been very bad, and I was hoping it didn't go south.
Well, I got myself situated on my bed, laptop out, livestream up, waiting for the conference. I'd seen some leaked trailers of games before hand, and was excited with the trailers Microsoft had shown that were cross platform.
The conference started late, and they played a really awesome intro, and I immediately was overwhelmed with the whole event. Right there I knew why I was a fan of Sony and Playstation.
I eagerly posted on Tumblr my reactions to every little trailer and thing they announced, all leading up to when I would explode with excitement.
You see, if you don't keep up with video games, Sony gave Square Enix some time, and they announced Kingdom Hearts 3.
One simple game. A simple 2-3 minute teaser of a game that is "In Development." That's when my world imploded with excitement.
My Tumblr blew up, I blew up my Facebook, and I frantically texted anyone I knew would listen.
"KINGDOM HEARTS 3 IS HAPPENING GUYS!!"
I made a post a while back, about how much I loved Kingdom Hearts, but I don't think I portrayed that properly. You see, Kingdom Hearts probably had some of the biggest influences on my character development. People know me as being a Blue, and I'll give you that my wanting to serve others was something I picked up in church as a kid, but it also comes from Kingdom Hearts.
I grew up with a variety of video games, and almost all of them had a hero of sorts who went out of they're way to save people. I know my brother was super attached to Sonic as a kid. For me it was Sora.
Something about him drew me in, and I will forever be drawn in. He starts the game off, as this goofy kid just playing on an island with his friends, wondering what's out beyond the ocean. All of a sudden his world is devoured in darkness, and he is given the key to saving all worlds. That's not something you take lightly. And he doesn't! He struggles with it, and just wants to find his friends. He runs from planet to planet, and every single time he looks for his friends. He never gives up hope, even when all seems lost. His best friend steals his Keyblade, and as a result his two companions Donald and Goofy, leaving him completely alone, and yet he doesn't stop. He fights on for his friends.
Like, this kid is the epitome of all things I strive to be. He is nothing but loyal to his friends, and fights for the good of people he has barely met. He's kind hearted, always encouraging others. He's selfless. And he's growing up. The games have done a great job of showing that. He's learning, and evolving. But he's still optimistic and kind. Which is what gets me the most.
Now, I'm not the number one Kingdom Hearts fan out there. I've not played all the games. I couldn't recount to you all the stories and Keyblades, and I forget things. One thing is for sure though, and that is that Sora's attitude, his persona, is the very thing that I continually strive to be like. If I come within a stone's throw of Sora's character I'm ecstatic.
So, with that in mind, it's easier to understand why I flipped out about this next installment in the series. I'm honestly just excited to see how his character grows, and how he develops through the struggles he faces in this game.
And, because I'm so excited about this video game, I'm going to reiterate a point I brought up a long time ago. Video Games are an art form, in the same way that a book is an art form. Video Games are capable of compelling storylines in the same way a book is. Video Games can create worlds and characters that we fall in love with just as a book can.
I don't want someone to think I'm ragging on books though and think that games should replace them, I don't. I just want to make sure you all understand how much video games mean to me, and how much I've grown and learned from them. These days it's common to see news reports about the following:
"Video Games, are they poisoning out youth?"
"Alleged shooter known to play WOW"
"Could video games be behind the murders in..."
Which I find absolutely bogus. It's sort of, as I learned in my English class this last semester, the same argument some people had with Shakespeare. He didn't make his plays follow the Three Unities, time, place, and action. See he made plays that took more time in the play, than it took to present the play. When critiqued, however, one critic said that the audience was smart enough to know that what they were watching was fake, but were willing to suspend that knowledge to believe the play.
Same thing here, none of them play a game and think it's dandy to actually carry that over.
I digressed... I just wanted to talk about how a good video game should not be written off as not being literary. I just think it's new, and people don't quite understand that it takes a good story to draw in so many players, and get them hooked on the characters to the point where people literally thrive off of that character. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle created the character of Sherlock who has survived the ages, and people today thrive off of that character.
I thrive off of Sora.
I'm not really in the Harry Potter fandom. Never having read the books hurt me in that are. I'm not ashamed of it though. A lot of people needed Harry Potter, and he was right in their lives.
I needed Sora, and he was right in my life. He is still right in my life.
And now he's coming back. And I can't tell you how excited I am to hear this, because there isn't enough space in the world to properly display that.
Now, go listen to some Kingdom Hearts music. Like Dearly Beloved. You'll fall in love, just like I did. =D
Sunday, June 9, 2013
An Introduction... Again!
So I've been traveling Texas visiting people, and doing stuff the last few months, and as a result have spent many hours in a car, by myself, listening to whatever music was coming from my car or phone and my thought. It may come as a shocker to you, but I think a lot when there's not other things for me to focus on.
Well, I keep telling myself to start this up again but by the time I park my car and get settled in whichever place I'm staying I completely forget the mind blowing thoughts I was having minutes earlier on the road. Mostly it's due to the excitement of not being in a car. =P
When I signed on here, for the first time in like... EVER!! I realized that the last 4 attempted posts are all posts where I was trying to do introspection of sorts. Which makes sense, because I've been changing a lot over the past year or so, and have a lot that I need to explain about where I am now, before I can start talking about all the thoughts I've been having, because I am not the same person who started this blog.
With that being said, I feel like I've grown fairly well, and am quite happy with where I am. I still struggle with certain changes, and wish I could rewind to where I was, but life is funny that way, in'it?
Ok, so, here goes. This might be really bad, because I'm quite terrible with talking about myself, and I never remember that until I have to do it, like now... Bear with me.
I'm older, obviously. Silly time thing. I'm way less naive, but can't shake the positive views of people and such. I'm a lot more understanding when it comes to different views. If anything, I think that's the biggest and best change about me.
I love my family, and my home, and everything I grew up with, but never really understood just how narrow minded I had become until recently. You see, I'm turning twenty-one next month. (Legal drinking woo! That's supposed to be my reaction, right?) As such, most of my friends turned twenty-one over the past year or so. Well, if this were the same day last year the following situation would probably occur:
Person A: William what would you do if we started drinking?
Me: Stop hanging out with you.
Person B: You'd stop hanging out with us if we drank?
Person B: You'd stop hanging out with us if we drank?
Me: The moment you guys started drinking I would up and leave.
Person A: Why would you leave?
Me: Because I like you guys. The idea of being around you when you're drunk, and not you, doesn't really suit my fancy.
Person C: Well, would you hang out with us afterward?
Me: I would hang out with you once you'd sobered up, probably. I wouldn't want to talk about you drinking though, because I'd probably just up and leave then too.
Person D: Wow, you seem like a jerk. Ok, what would you do if a friend was drunk and called you for a ride?
Me: I wouldn't give them a ride...
Persons All: What?
Me: That's wrong. I would give them a ride, because calling would be smart. I wouldn't want to hang around and make sure they were ok and such, because that would really hurt my view of them.
Person A: Wow. That's a really childish reaction.
Me: Well, I'm old enough to choose my company, and I don't want to be around people who drink. Hasn't really been a problem yet, so I don't see why it should now.
Now, reading over that, I see soo many flaws in my reactions, but at the same time, I see soo many flaws in the persons having that conversation with me.
In the past year I have been to several birthday parties, and even just hung out with people who were drinking. WHAT?! What changed William?
Well, as I mentioned earlier, I realized how close minded I had become. I realized that I had become the very thing I never wanted to become.
QUICK CLARIFICATION!
I am still not twenty-one. I have still yet to partake of a beverage that contained alcohol in it. Have I had chances? Oh yeah I have. Have I been offered? Oh yeah I have. Have I had my parents offer at my brother's wedding/other situations? Yeah, definitely.
The thing is, that while I have grown up in my views on alcohol, and a lot of other things, I still hold myself to a sort of standard. This being said, I don't plan on never drinking. In fact, I already have at least one drink lined up for me after I turn twenty-one. The thing is though, that I want to make it to that twenty-one year mark without having drank.
See, people tend to get caught up in this idea of "Firsts" and them being a coming of age thing. That doesn't really get me. I don't need a "First" to live life, I just need the right attitude.
So, I've become less close minded over the last year, which is awesome, and I love it.
I've also become more confident in me. I don't doubt my decisions so much, and I know how to do things for me. I'm still a blue, and 10 times more likely to do stuff for others than for myself, but I know how to help me, which is a big improvement.
And I'm going to wrap this up with one more, so I can head to bed and go to work in the morning. XD
I'm much happier now than I was for the last year or so. I went through some really tough times, to the point where the people closest to me were constantly noticing that I was in a really down mood. I retreated into myself a lot, and shut a lot of people out in the process. Where I am now, I feel like I'm past a lot of that. I prayed a lot, and placed it in God's hands and things managed to smooth out in my life.
In fact, a little over a week ago I was rejected from UT's 5-year Master's program. I have been hoping for this program since I started college, and was devastated to hear that I didn't get in. However, I pushed on, looked on the bright side, and am now more excited for my future than before. I don't expect things to stay on this high road, and I hope to be able to confide in all of you next time I hit a low road. Until then though, I hope to share some good thoughts on a lot of things, and maybe even just fun thoughts.
Here's to a new chapter in this journey of life. =D
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