Life and Loss

Loss.

One word.

That's kind of the beauty of words though, right? I mean, "loss" is just a three different letters, arranged into four spaces. I mean, you can throw three letters into four spots and get all sorts of things.

Like, imagine being around way back when, and these things we take for granted don't exist yet, and so you're in charge of deciding what sounds and what letters will create this word. By some act of God you decide on the letters l, o, and s.

Soll? Nah, doesn't quite work... Loos? Not quite what you want... Olso? You think that just sounds funny...

Loss.

Now you can tell the difference between a win and a... loss.

(Loss, doesn't feel like a word anymore... Whoa!)

What's really magical though, is that that one word is more than that. You see on paper it is one word.

Loss.

Four letters.

It's actually a really small word. You learn it really early in life. I mean, knowing that words like the ones in this article exist really make these four letters pale in comparison. http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Big_Words

If you read and understand that all perfectly, then you sir are a scholar. To be fair, I have no idea if it makes sense, so don't be like, "William that makes no sense. It's just a bunch of big words." I just saw the big words, and knew it would get the point across. XD

Does it really pale in comparison though?

All day I've been trying to respond to this word. See, on paper it's four letters. When spoken though... When your ears pick up on the pain the word carries... When your heart can't tell whether it's supposed to keep beating, or have its own moment of silence...

See, that's the power of a word. Granted, I know it's not the word. I know it's the context.

I am at a loss for where I placed my copy of Pokemon Blue. That doesn't cause you to break down.

I suffered a loss this morning, as I received the news that a really good friend of mine, Clint, from high school died in a car accident. That's powerful.

I woke up to my mom informing me of the accident, to which I spent the next 20 minutes or so scrolling through Facebook reading all the posts, and praying that it wasn't true. I found the article, and still continued to pray that it wasn't true. I curled up in my bed, and cried, still praying it wasn't true.

My heart didn't want to exist. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to text anyone. I didn't want to look at Facebook. I just wanted to stop existing, because that's what felt like the easiest route.

I slowly pulled myself out of bed, and curled up next to my mom, and just laid there. She didn't say much, she just held me. After a few more moments, I was able to take a bath, and get ready for the day. My grandma showed up, and we went to lunch.

And I couldn't stop feeling like I was betraying Clint. Like I shouldn't be out in public, having a normal family moment, when a friend wasn't on this planet any longer. I smiled, and partook in the conversation but there was this weight in my heart.

I told my friend that I felt wrong, but part of me felt like Clint wouldn't want life to stop. He was so full of life, and I can't imagine that he would want anything but those he knew to live.

I've been on a high all Summer just about. Finding every last beautiful thing about life to enjoy. I get home, and am every bit ready to continue experiencing every wonderful thing I can.

Here I am, barreling through this rough time. I don't want to lose this view on life. I've been so happy recently, and I've been missing that in recent years. I'm struggling to find that point at the moment

I think, I might have, but I'm not entirely sure, and honestly still need time to process everything that happened.

I try not to take life for granted. I know how easily it is lost. And to be honest, I find that really beautiful.

I'm trying to be careful here, because I don't want the loss of life to be something that doesn't weigh heavily on my heart. I think, though, that by understanding just how easily life can be lost it makes the life we have that much more magical. There are billions of things that could happen, and a huge percent of those things result in death.

That sounds really dark, but it's kind of true. With that in mind, it makes the fact that I'm here that much more of a gift, and as such I don't want anyone I come into contact with to feel like I'm taking their life for granted.

I don't feel like Clint took life for granted, and I know he made sure to let everyone know just how important they were when he saw them.

To sign off I want to say thanks to Clint. You've touched so many people's lives, and you were a huge role model. I pray that your legacy lives on. I wish I had stayed in touch better. I love you man.