Schrödinger's Door

I just told someone the age old saying, "When one door closes, another door opens."

In doing so I started thinking about life, and opportunities and chances. I started thinking about it, as I'm oft to do, and found myself thinking about all the doors that have shut in my life, but realizing all the doors that I've been through and all the doors I currently face.

See, I realize that I've had a ton of opportunities pass me up. I never studied abroad, I didn't travel out of the country, I never had that dazzle that makes you stand out on page from the next guy. I was, and still am, a fairly ordinary guy. As far as computer science goes I'm not a stand out guy. I started programming after I graduated high school basically, and as such have been programming for about 3 years now. Not planning to drop out and start the next big company or anything.

I'm not saying I'm not happy with where I am or what I've done. I feel like while coming from a good home, and smart parents I've still overcome a lot of adversity and had to fight to get where I am. I'm not at UT for free. I had a conversation with my father that went a lot like this, "Dad, I can handle the debt. I know we don't have enough to pay for UT, and I know I don't have the scholarships, but I can make it work. It's the best CS degree I can strive for in Texas, and there are tons of openings for new graduates. I can make it work." Small, I know. Some people have so much more financial burdens than my family and myself, but that doesn't mean I didn't/don't have financial issues. Before the first semester was up, I called my mother and cried my heart out because I was sick of being so far from my family and friends. I basically begged her to not make me continue, to which she said I could transfer schools, that we'd make it work. My response? Still crying I told her that we both knew that was a silly option, that we knew I wouldn't settle for a degree elsewhere, not because it was worse, but because UT's program was so good. I stuck it out, and am absolutely thrilled to be in UT's program. I tell everyone how great it is, because I truly believe that everything about it is worth any amount of struggles I went through to get there.

So William, you're not really connecting back to the title here, are you planning to do that?

Yeah, playing DJ and blogging is hard work for one guy so bear with me. XD

So Schrödinger... You probably know his name because of that darn cat of his. Well, if you aren't acquainted with it the basic idea is as follows:

1. Place a cat in a box.
2. (Maybe time passes, but I'm not sure)
3. Is the cat alive or dead?

See, without actually observing the cat you don't know. Until you open the box and look the cat can be both dead and alive. Interesting idea to comprehend, because you know logically something can't be alive and dead but at the same time you know not which area the cat falls into and as a result it fits both.

Granted, if you bury the box and it isn't dead you'll feel bad. XD

Cat... Life.... Chances... Doors...

Got it?

Ok, let me explain further. See, I was facing the door of going to UT when I was a senior. It was definitely open, but until I stepped through that door it held both infinite possibilities and none. The chance to make a name for myself, to learn a skill that would greatly benefit me in this changing world, to learn so much about life, and at the same time a pile of debt that I'd never escape. Kinda dramatic, yeah, but I mean, the uncertainty that's there is the basic idea.

I know I've missed several opportunities because of this. They could have turned out to be great, but they could have ended terribly. I always overanalyzed, I still do, and as a result would just look at that open door and imagine the other side but never bother to step through because of what it could have held. In fact, in what was almost the worst decision of my life, I almost didn't apply for CSSI. I might have discussed this before, but I don't recall.

I heard abut the program, and basically had everyone and their grandma tell me it would be awesome if I got accepted. I waited though, till the last possible minute to submit the application because I was terrified of losing three weeks with my friends before the college split.

I lost those three weeks with my friends, but I gained so many more, and a ton of opportunities that I couldn't have anticipated.

See, it's alright to let the unknown scare you. In fact, it should. But don't let that control you. See, there's so much waiting for you beyond that door. Trust yourself, trust your gut, and go for it.

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with not being extraordinary. But if it bothers you, make that change.