There's No Such Thing As An Ordinary Human

I'm sorry I keep stealing quotes from Doctor Who, but I can't help it really.

I just finished a particularly good episode, and I realize now that I can't bring myself to talk about it the way I want to. I can't make the proper connections because I don't want to ruin it for anyone who wishes to watch it one day in the future, however far it be.

I really like Doctor Who because he's always talking about humans. It's really awesome, and if you watch the show for no other reasons, watch it to try and learn something about yourself. To learn something about other people.

I started this post a couple of days ago, but life caught up with me, and so I never got around to finishing it. I like giving you pieces of what I tried to portray via this blog, because it does an amazing job of showing you a side of me that I'm semi good at hiding. A side of me that I could never show you if I didn't want to.

The fact that I get bogged down in life. I find myself so busy that I can't even remember if I ate lunch, or dinner. Yea, that's kinda how I can forget to eat sometimes. It's bad though, because my business is a result of my desire to keep myself from stressing too much... Until right before work is due that is. It makes no sense whatsoever, but I continue doing it.

When I find myself nearing my stress levels, I retreat from work. I go, watch Doctor Who, or Glee, or Criminal Minds, or blog, or talk to people, or try to talk to people, or just sleep. Sleep being the least important of any of those. I pretend (justify myself) that it's all good because I wouldn't be working well at all if I was stressed. Especially here, at college, where I can't go to my mom or dad, or sister, or Epicenter when things get out of hand.

I freeze up mentally when I hit stress, and it's not that I can't power through it, it's that it takes a lot of energy. When I can't understand Calculus I wrack my brain for hours on end, because I should get it. I should be able to understand how you take a Power Series, and via differentiation and other stuffs get a Taylor Series. I should be able to understand how to implement the ArrayList class in Java, so why can't I?

This is foreign to me, and I'm learning, which is amazing. I mean, even though I'll tell you I hate Calculus while talking to you to keep my stress levels down, I really mean I love it. I hate that I don't know it, and that I can't know it easily, but I love that I'm being forced to learn. High school never really forced any learning. Calculus/Pre-Cal/Algebra (1 and 2)/ Geometry were all super easy.

Even last semester, refreshing a lot of Calculus, and my logic/intro to Java class were ridiculously simple. The class I loved the most was my Research class, and I always said it was slowly killing me.

So, I guess that's how I grow/learn. Through doing things that, in the moment, destroy me. It's so fulfilling to come out the other side on top, however. To power through things, and be able to look back and laugh at myself for doubting myself. I find myself nearing a ridiculously vain point in this post, where I say I'm smart, or something about how I can do whatever I put my mind to.

It's not true, however, and before I get a bunch of "Oh-muh-gosh-what's-happening-to-William" responses let me clarify.

First, I can do whatever God wants me to do. Now, I'm a firm believer that I was created exactly how I was meant to be, and as such my mind has formed exactly as God has wanted it to. So, If it's something I really wanted I'd probably be able to do it, and I'm quite positive God isn't going to throw me a curve ball and say "Hey William, you'd be a really good catcher in Baseball." To which you would reply, "I see what you did there, with the curve ball and the catcher and the..." Yea, I totally planned that and I didn't even have to look anything up on Google. *Gasp* (William knows sports?)

That was a sport? Just kidding, anyway...

Second, I can't do everything I put my mind to, but that's the beauty of it all isn't it? The ability to fail. To fall so far you feel like you can't get back up. Yea, weird to think about I know, but I believe it to be true. If you never fell you wold never know what getting up felt like. You would never feel that fiery passion that fuels people to do great things. You would just fly by, with a perfectly ok life, where you never once hit the valley, but you would never once climb a peak and stand there looking at how far you came, with a renewed spirit to make the trek forward.

That's the beauty of the slow path, right? The trek. When you get to the top it's never anything special. It's a top, sure, but the journey that brought you there is what you'll tell stories of. Nobody publishes a book titled "I'm at the top, I've always been at the top, and it feels great. Still."

You get tons of books about people's journeys however. That's the real kicker.

Doctor Who got me thinking about that. If you were sent back in time, and your present/future self just disappeared, but you got to live your life in the past what would you do? It's not about where, or when you get somewhere, but more the how, because I believe you can live more in a day than most people can in a lifetime. You just have to want to.

I think somewhere during this post I started steering in a different direction, but I'm pretty sure it all still works right. =D

I'm going to go to bed, so that tomorrow I can stress out over homework, and finish all of it, and turn it all in, and feel so much better. Sound like a plan? I think so.

So, Allons-y! (Nerd, I know. =D)