Countless Reasons Why

I am not the kind of person who should watch 13 Reasons Why. Don't get me wrong, I think the message can be one that everyone needs to hear, and I definitely need to hear it. No, I'm not the kind of person because I get lost in my thoughts on my own. I've spent years analyzing how my life played out, and 13 Reasons Why only adds fuel to that fire.

Why watch then?

Well, because I need to learn. Always. Also, I love it. The casting, and the direction, and the presentation, and the realness is something that I can't tear away from. In the end, for me, it's one of those life lessons you need, even though it's extremely painful in the process.

And if I'm honest, this is a journey that's been 24 years in the making, and one I desperately needed long before now. See, I will be the first person to talk about how much I despise who I used to be. Sure, I might have been a "good" kid, and I was liked by teachers, and made my parents proud, mostly, and my siblings looked up to me, and my church respected me, but I don't agree when I look back.

Hindsight's 20/20.

See, I've looked back so many times I've lost count at how many other students I looked down upon because I was more "mature", or just "better" than them. It's something I still struggle with to this day. I've laughed at countless jokes and let so many things slide, because it wasn't a "big" deal. So I think, what if any of that were the tipping point?

And I wasn't the best student. Gosh, I can recall skipping an entire class to have free pancakes because I liked the person I was going with and thought it might result in something. Which may not seem that big, but I never really got in trouble for.

Perhaps she knew that I would feel the repercussions without a punishment, which I don't doubt because she was one of the smartest teachers I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. But it has me looking back, and how much could I have gotten away with because I was that "good" kid?

You don't have to look much further than my Facebook. I have friends on there, that I feel should have dropped me ages ago because I did not rightfully deserve their trust. I have a friend, who I think about every time I stop to ponder my necklace, because she's right there, around my neck this whole time, and I've never really moved on to feeling like I deserve that.

11 Year Later.

And I easily get caught up in expectations. Working extra hard to BE the good kid. Working so hard for it, that I hide things, and I don't own up to all of my short comings. I don't always own up to my mistakes. It's easier to pretend they aren't there, or convince yourself that it's not your fault. So I do some times. Because If I owned up, I wouldn't fit those expectations.

This shows not to blame for any of that though. This isn't a strange occurrence for me. This show is just helping to bring it to the front. I reassess who I am every so often, which involves thinking back on everything I didn't like, in hopes of getting to a point I do like.


So Why?

What is it about this show?
Why would I want to watch a show that makes me question myself so much?
Why do I think you should watch it?


Well, I think everyone needs to at some point examine themselves through a different lens than they are used to. Yeah, it sucks to look at where you went wrong, and to think through how you own up to that and move forward.

For me, it's everything. I'm only capable of moving forward the way I do because I better understand where I went wrong and what I dislike about who I was.



For me, 13 Reasons Why is an introspective journey. An experience that can't be experienced by any other person. My own set of tapes of the past that are coming to light now, even if I don't want to listen to them. A set of tapes, recorded by me, for me, without my knowledge.

I won't lie and say that I was a great person, or that I am today. But I'm a person, who has constantly been trying to better themselves, and 13 Reasons Why is the current step in that journey.