Countless Reasons Why

I am not the kind of person who should watch 13 Reasons Why. Don't get me wrong, I think the message can be one that everyone needs to hear, and I definitely need to hear it. No, I'm not the kind of person because I get lost in my thoughts on my own. I've spent years analyzing how my life played out, and 13 Reasons Why only adds fuel to that fire.

Why watch then?

Well, because I need to learn. Always. Also, I love it. The casting, and the direction, and the presentation, and the realness is something that I can't tear away from. In the end, for me, it's one of those life lessons you need, even though it's extremely painful in the process.

And if I'm honest, this is a journey that's been 24 years in the making, and one I desperately needed long before now. See, I will be the first person to talk about how much I despise who I used to be. Sure, I might have been a "good" kid, and I was liked by teachers, and made my parents proud, mostly, and my siblings looked up to me, and my church respected me, but I don't agree when I look back.

Hindsight's 20/20.

See, I've looked back so many times I've lost count at how many other students I looked down upon because I was more "mature", or just "better" than them. It's something I still struggle with to this day. I've laughed at countless jokes and let so many things slide, because it wasn't a "big" deal. So I think, what if any of that were the tipping point?

And I wasn't the best student. Gosh, I can recall skipping an entire class to have free pancakes because I liked the person I was going with and thought it might result in something. Which may not seem that big, but I never really got in trouble for.

Perhaps she knew that I would feel the repercussions without a punishment, which I don't doubt because she was one of the smartest teachers I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. But it has me looking back, and how much could I have gotten away with because I was that "good" kid?

You don't have to look much further than my Facebook. I have friends on there, that I feel should have dropped me ages ago because I did not rightfully deserve their trust. I have a friend, who I think about every time I stop to ponder my necklace, because she's right there, around my neck this whole time, and I've never really moved on to feeling like I deserve that.

11 Year Later.

And I easily get caught up in expectations. Working extra hard to BE the good kid. Working so hard for it, that I hide things, and I don't own up to all of my short comings. I don't always own up to my mistakes. It's easier to pretend they aren't there, or convince yourself that it's not your fault. So I do some times. Because If I owned up, I wouldn't fit those expectations.

This shows not to blame for any of that though. This isn't a strange occurrence for me. This show is just helping to bring it to the front. I reassess who I am every so often, which involves thinking back on everything I didn't like, in hopes of getting to a point I do like.


So Why?

What is it about this show?
Why would I want to watch a show that makes me question myself so much?
Why do I think you should watch it?


Well, I think everyone needs to at some point examine themselves through a different lens than they are used to. Yeah, it sucks to look at where you went wrong, and to think through how you own up to that and move forward.

For me, it's everything. I'm only capable of moving forward the way I do because I better understand where I went wrong and what I dislike about who I was.



For me, 13 Reasons Why is an introspective journey. An experience that can't be experienced by any other person. My own set of tapes of the past that are coming to light now, even if I don't want to listen to them. A set of tapes, recorded by me, for me, without my knowledge.

I won't lie and say that I was a great person, or that I am today. But I'm a person, who has constantly been trying to better themselves, and 13 Reasons Why is the current step in that journey.

Seattle is a Fake City

I have no idea when it happened.

Perhaps it was my 24 hour stream, or even the stress from my code breaking at work, but somewhere along the line I died.

That's right.

I don't believe in this reality anymore.

Like.

Sure.

Yeah.

It's totally possible.

I mean.

Look.

Ok?

I don't know what just happened, but I like it.

Anyway, after the plane ride the other day, I thought I was done with Twilight Zone encounters like that.

There's only so much coincidental meeting a guy can take in a lifetime.

Well, hold your horses cause stuff's about to get cray up in here.

Story Time!

I go about my Friday, like any usual Friday. I wake up, get ready, walk 25 minutes in less than 55 degree weather. I get some coffee at THE Starbucks. I get a Cheesecake bite at Confectional. I make my way to the 5th Avenue Theatre.

Side note: The 5th Avenue Theatre is The Official Theatre of William Combs. Last two trips to Seattle have resulted in shows there, and they were both great, and I hope to be able to make many more.

So, I bought my ticket, and got a ride back to the hotel. There, I studied some more and warmed up, because it was legit cold and I was out for a while and didn't have a jacket and didn't really go inside anywhere during the 2 or so hours out.

After that I went for my interview. It was good. I feel confident on the whole thing, and even where I may have stumbled I feel as though I recovered.

Regardless, this post isn't for that.

This post is about the insanity that made me realize I'm in level 3, and this is all a dream.

See, I asked the wonderfully nice hotel front desk ladies about where would be a great "Seattle" place to eat before the play. They recommended The 5-Point Cafe.

"Actually, it's a dive bar, so..."
"Nah, that should be fine."
"It's not everyone's thing. So you can go, but I don't know. You'll have to tell me your thoughts."

So, I go. And pass it hardcore the first time.

But I make it inside, and there's the equivalent of zero open spaces, except for the 4 person booth being cleaned.

I make myself comfortable (once the guy cleaning it is finished), and order myself a cider.

A group of 3 people walk in, and immediately I feel like they hate me.

"Who is this guy by himself in a BOOTH?"

Dunno if they said that, but I felt them say it in my head.

So, I notice some people at the bar standing up, and so:

"Hey, I can move to the bar if you guys want the booth."
"You sure? That would be great."
*Notice the guy left his jacket at the bar.*
"Hey man, you left your-"
"We're not leaving, just having a smoke."

Well this is awkward, she already called her friends over.

"Well, do you mind if we just make friends?" (or some similar wording)
"Nah, go ahead!"

So, there I am. Alone in a dive bar in Seattle, being joined by 3 strangers.

Conversation is good. They inquire about where my "mates" are.

"Oh, well, I don't have any-" that sounds wrong "- I'm here visiting for an interview. So I'm flying solo."
"Oh yeah? Interviewing for who?"
"Down at Amazon."
"We-" two of them "- actually work for Amazon."
"Yeah, we're in HR."

Dead.




YOU GUYS.
I managed to basically invite 2 HR people from Amazon to sit down with me in a dive bar while we ate, drank, and just talked.

THIS ISN'T MY LIFE.
But like, I'm 1000% ok with it.

I just really hope these are all really good signs.

Strangers on a Plane

So, I am currently in Seattle, taking a quick break from looking over topics to write and relax before calling it a night and getting a solid sleep in before tomorrow.

Author's Note: I am in LOVE with Seattle. Like, I don't love the city. I am head over heels for the city. It's always everything I want it to be.

Back on topic.

My flights are generally either Mrs. Herr sitting by me making it interesting, or a 1-7+ hour ride of silence and watching as many movies as I can to kill the time.

Plot Twist

This flight I happened to sit down next to a complete stranger who was fun and nice to talk to and she made the initial moments of awkwardness cease to exist.
Enter party number 3, and you've got me sandwiched between two people who aren't afraid to be social. Which is good, because I can play off of that, even if I'm not the most social.

So, she mentions she's going home, and asks about us.
"Uh, I'm going to interview with Amazon."
"Really? Same! Friday afternoon?"
"Friday morning, Interviewing to be a recruiter."
"Awesome, I'm going for SWE."

Like, this couldn't have been scripted better.

Another fun fact, we both started the current jobs at the same time.

The conversation continued well past take off, and then we all settled in. I opted to study, and watch X-Men Apocalypse, even if it had moments it skipped (probably rating stuff), and that's a story for another day. <3 p="">
Once we got close to landing, we chatted more. And even came up with some inside jokes, such as IKEA branching out into every business. Hiking Gear, Cars, you name it.

It was a solid time, and one of the best plane rides I've had. Let's hope that it's a good omen.

Also, the lady who lives in Seattle, thought I was crazy for how much I loved Seattle with my limited experiences here. Haha.

Till next time. =D