Dreams By William

I was really intent on remembering my dream from last night the moment I woke up, but it's now 3 PM and I've been up for 8 ish hours.

Here's what I recall though.

I'm pretty sure I was following Fury around, and not the cool Fury but Samuel L. Jackson Fury. We were following some dude around, who was really bad apparently. Well, Fury this guy and a few others were squaring off on this cliff. I was down below, and trying to find a way to get up there to help out. I ended up getting up a bit, and as he got closer I went to knock him down, but couldn't or something. This kept him occupied long enough for the other peoples to help out.

At this point it was revealed that he worked for someone really powerful in the city, and that by messing with him we were starting a fight we couldn't understand the size of. Well, Fury being Fury dismissed his warnings and threw him in his car, taking off for Shield headquarters, at least that's what my thoughts are.

I was no longer physically following Fury, but rather watching events unfold within his vehicle as though a spirit or a camera in a movie. Either way, the guy ranted about the power Fury was picking a fight with, and Fury responded with how he was going to bring justice to this guy or whatever Fury says. Well, out of the blue the captive gets shot, and I start looking around wildly.

Was there a sniper? Who killed him? What was the point?

Fury starts looking around too, and about this time both Fury and I realize the scope of what was started. We both realize that this villain has such a hold on the city that any single citizen could be turned against us at his very wish. It is at that time that the two of us in unison turn to look out the passenger window and see a lady, in every manner of the word, pull out a machine gun and go to town on Fury's car.

Cut.

Just like a movie, no?

Well, I think I woke up at that point, and then went back to sleep where I continued the dream.

It was as though time had passed, and I was standing there in the midst of all these super heroes. You could see it on every face in the room that the losses we had faced were greater than we had expected. Heroes around the room were taking off their masks and calling it a loss, saving what little they could before everything was gone.

And I stood up, commanding their attention. I don't know if I had powers or not, strangely enough this dream didn't require me to have powers. Instead I looked around at them, at their pain, at their suffering, and spoke to them.

(Paraphrased because it was a dream, and I don't recall my dream speech from over 8 hours ago. Sorry.)

"Look at you. Look at each other. What do you see? I see grief. I see loss and pain but most importantly I see hope. It's dwindling, but it's there. You're taking off your masks and you're calling it quits, and that's fine, be my guest. Before you do though, ask yourself if that's the right decision. Seriously look inside yourself. I mean, why did you don the mask in the first place? Why did you place yourself in all of those sticky situations in the first place? For some of you it was loss. Some of you found yourselves so lost that you vowed to protect others so they would never experience that. Some of you grieved and pledged to guard others from the very pain you endured. All of you know the pain of letting someone down, and yet you're all still here. So take off your mask and call it a day. Let your enemies claim their biggest victory over you. Not taking your life, but shutting you down. Our enemy is powerful, and claims the lives of many of those closest to us, but if you stop now, if you let him take the fight out of you, if you let him continue to reign over ordinary citizens then what do those deaths stand for? Listen to your heart, listen to the cries for help. Together, we can be the beacon of hope that we have been for many years."

I don't recall anything after that. I only roughly recalled the major themes of the speech. I just thought it a rather cool dream.

I think, I drew my dream from three things I watched this weekend.

Fast Five : Taking on someone who controlled the city.

The Dark Knight Rises : Laying down the mask when faced with unfavorable odds.

D-Gray Man : Anyone could be the villain, regardless of how innocent looking.

I dunno. I liked the dream, and I liked my speech at the end. Now, this version is beefed up in some spots sure, and probably seriously dumbed down in other spots, but still good. I think it can be applied for anyone, and probably should be. XD

Hope you guys get to dream as exciting as I do. =P

Schrödinger's Door

I just told someone the age old saying, "When one door closes, another door opens."

In doing so I started thinking about life, and opportunities and chances. I started thinking about it, as I'm oft to do, and found myself thinking about all the doors that have shut in my life, but realizing all the doors that I've been through and all the doors I currently face.

See, I realize that I've had a ton of opportunities pass me up. I never studied abroad, I didn't travel out of the country, I never had that dazzle that makes you stand out on page from the next guy. I was, and still am, a fairly ordinary guy. As far as computer science goes I'm not a stand out guy. I started programming after I graduated high school basically, and as such have been programming for about 3 years now. Not planning to drop out and start the next big company or anything.

I'm not saying I'm not happy with where I am or what I've done. I feel like while coming from a good home, and smart parents I've still overcome a lot of adversity and had to fight to get where I am. I'm not at UT for free. I had a conversation with my father that went a lot like this, "Dad, I can handle the debt. I know we don't have enough to pay for UT, and I know I don't have the scholarships, but I can make it work. It's the best CS degree I can strive for in Texas, and there are tons of openings for new graduates. I can make it work." Small, I know. Some people have so much more financial burdens than my family and myself, but that doesn't mean I didn't/don't have financial issues. Before the first semester was up, I called my mother and cried my heart out because I was sick of being so far from my family and friends. I basically begged her to not make me continue, to which she said I could transfer schools, that we'd make it work. My response? Still crying I told her that we both knew that was a silly option, that we knew I wouldn't settle for a degree elsewhere, not because it was worse, but because UT's program was so good. I stuck it out, and am absolutely thrilled to be in UT's program. I tell everyone how great it is, because I truly believe that everything about it is worth any amount of struggles I went through to get there.

So William, you're not really connecting back to the title here, are you planning to do that?

Yeah, playing DJ and blogging is hard work for one guy so bear with me. XD

So Schrödinger... You probably know his name because of that darn cat of his. Well, if you aren't acquainted with it the basic idea is as follows:

1. Place a cat in a box.
2. (Maybe time passes, but I'm not sure)
3. Is the cat alive or dead?

See, without actually observing the cat you don't know. Until you open the box and look the cat can be both dead and alive. Interesting idea to comprehend, because you know logically something can't be alive and dead but at the same time you know not which area the cat falls into and as a result it fits both.

Granted, if you bury the box and it isn't dead you'll feel bad. XD

Cat... Life.... Chances... Doors...

Got it?

Ok, let me explain further. See, I was facing the door of going to UT when I was a senior. It was definitely open, but until I stepped through that door it held both infinite possibilities and none. The chance to make a name for myself, to learn a skill that would greatly benefit me in this changing world, to learn so much about life, and at the same time a pile of debt that I'd never escape. Kinda dramatic, yeah, but I mean, the uncertainty that's there is the basic idea.

I know I've missed several opportunities because of this. They could have turned out to be great, but they could have ended terribly. I always overanalyzed, I still do, and as a result would just look at that open door and imagine the other side but never bother to step through because of what it could have held. In fact, in what was almost the worst decision of my life, I almost didn't apply for CSSI. I might have discussed this before, but I don't recall.

I heard abut the program, and basically had everyone and their grandma tell me it would be awesome if I got accepted. I waited though, till the last possible minute to submit the application because I was terrified of losing three weeks with my friends before the college split.

I lost those three weeks with my friends, but I gained so many more, and a ton of opportunities that I couldn't have anticipated.

See, it's alright to let the unknown scare you. In fact, it should. But don't let that control you. See, there's so much waiting for you beyond that door. Trust yourself, trust your gut, and go for it.

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with not being extraordinary. But if it bothers you, make that change.