An Introduction... Again!

So I've been traveling Texas visiting people, and doing stuff the last few months, and as a result have spent many hours in a car, by myself, listening to whatever music was coming from my car or phone and my thought. It may come as a shocker to you, but I think a lot when there's not other things for me to focus on.

Well, I keep telling myself to start this up again but by the time I park my car and get settled in whichever place I'm staying I completely forget the mind blowing thoughts I was having minutes earlier on the road. Mostly it's due to the excitement of not being in a car. =P

When I signed on here, for the first time in like... EVER!! I realized that the last 4 attempted posts are all posts where I was trying to do introspection of sorts. Which makes sense, because I've been changing a lot over the past year or so, and have a lot that I need to explain about where I am now, before I can start talking about all the thoughts I've been having, because I am not the same person who started this blog.

With that being said, I feel like I've grown fairly well, and am quite happy with where I am. I still struggle with certain changes, and wish I could rewind to where I was, but life is funny that way, in'it?

Ok, so, here goes. This might be really bad, because I'm quite terrible with talking about myself, and I never remember that until I have to do it, like now... Bear with me.

I'm older, obviously. Silly time thing. I'm way less naive, but can't shake the positive views of people and such. I'm a lot more understanding when it comes to different views. If anything, I think that's the biggest and best change about me.

I love my family, and my home, and everything I grew up with, but never really understood just how narrow minded I had become until recently. You see, I'm turning twenty-one next month. (Legal drinking woo! That's supposed to be my reaction, right?) As such, most of my friends turned twenty-one over the past year or so. Well, if this were the same day last year the following situation would probably occur:

Person A: William what would you do if we started drinking?

Me: Stop hanging out with you.
Person B: You'd stop hanging out with us if we drank?

Me: The moment you guys started drinking I would up and leave.

Person A: Why would you leave?

Me: Because I like you guys. The idea of being around you when you're drunk, and not you, doesn't really suit my fancy.

Person C: Well, would you hang out with us afterward?

Me: I would hang out with you once you'd sobered up, probably. I wouldn't want to talk about you drinking though, because I'd probably just up and leave then too.

Person D: Wow, you seem like a jerk. Ok, what would you do if a friend was drunk and called you for a ride?

Me: I wouldn't give them a ride...

Persons All: What?

Me: That's wrong. I would give them a ride, because calling would be smart. I wouldn't want to hang around and make sure they were ok and such, because that would really hurt my view of them.

Person A: Wow. That's a really childish reaction.

Me: Well, I'm old enough to choose my company, and I don't want to be around people who drink. Hasn't really been a problem yet, so I don't see why it should now.

Now, reading over that, I see soo many flaws in my reactions, but at the same time, I see soo many flaws in the persons having that conversation with me.

In the past year I have been to several birthday parties, and even just hung out with people who were drinking. WHAT?! What changed William?

Well, as I mentioned earlier, I realized how close minded I had become. I realized that I had become the very thing I never wanted to become.

QUICK CLARIFICATION!

I am still not twenty-one. I have still yet to partake of a beverage that contained alcohol in it. Have I had chances? Oh yeah I have. Have I been offered? Oh yeah I have. Have I had my parents offer at my brother's wedding/other situations? Yeah, definitely.

The thing is, that while I have grown up in my views on alcohol, and a lot of other things, I still hold myself to a sort of standard. This being said, I don't plan on never drinking. In fact, I already have at least one drink lined up for me after I turn twenty-one. The thing is though, that I want to make it to that twenty-one year mark without having drank.

See, people tend to get caught up in this idea of "Firsts" and them being a coming of age thing. That doesn't really get me. I don't need a "First" to live life, I just need the right attitude.

So, I've become less close minded over the last year, which is awesome, and I love it.

I've also become more confident in me. I don't doubt my decisions so much, and I know how to do things for me. I'm still a blue, and 10 times more likely to do stuff for others than for myself, but I know how to help me, which is a big improvement.

And I'm going to wrap this up with one more, so I can head to bed and go to work in the morning. XD

I'm much happier now than I was for the last year or so. I went through some really tough times, to the point where the people closest to me were constantly noticing that I was in a really down mood. I retreated into myself a lot, and shut a lot of people out in the process. Where I am now, I feel like I'm past a lot of that. I prayed a lot, and placed it in God's hands and things managed to smooth out in my life.

In fact, a little over a week ago I was rejected from UT's 5-year Master's program. I have been hoping for this program since I started college, and was devastated to hear that I didn't get in. However, I pushed on, looked on the bright side, and am now more excited for my future than before. I don't expect things to stay on this high road, and I hope to be able to confide in all of you next time I hit a low road. Until then though, I hope to share some good thoughts on a lot of things, and maybe even just fun thoughts.

Here's to a new chapter in this journey of life. =D