Two years?

You mean to tell me I've been out of high school for two years. I've almost had this blog for two years. In a few weeks I'll have known Lynn and Emily and Kasra and Enrique and the whole CSSI crowd for two whole years? I would have named you all, but that's 28 people, plus Jessica, Kat, and Carolyn. Soo many people!

So wait, there's four years since I met Camron, Cici and the freshmen my Junior year. Then that means six years I've known Brian and Brison and Kylie and numerous other high school friends? And seven years for Chelsea and Emilee. Nine for Meghan and Kelcey and Chris (if you don't count Baseball) and Ryan (if you don't count our parents being sorta friends when we were like 3) and the rest of my middle school friends. Thirteen years for Cody, and fourteen for Erik! Fifteen for Jessica, if that still counts as a friendship.

I didn't name everyone, but I'm sorry. There are a lot of you, and I'm happy to have every single one of you as a friend. I think what's crazier to think about, isn't how long I've been friends with people, but looking at the people I've barely met. With all of those friendships in perspective it's weird thinking I've only known Jacob for a little under two years now. Eric, Ann, Eric, Corey and Gerardo even less than Jacob. Cathy less than that, but still over a year and a halfish. I've known Pedro for a year in August, and Nikki less than that.

How has time flown by so quickly and yet slow enough that in less than a year I can form some of the strongest bonds I've ever felt. I could have sworn we spent endless hours debating what we should do, and at the same time it was only yesterday that I stumbled into the piano lounge to listen to the Kingdom Hearts guy and found the crew.

Speaking of recently, just last week Cody and I were running around in the back yard fighting in tournaments and taking down evil with intricately woven plots and interweaving characters who resurfaced from time to time with his Mayhanna and my simple Elf. How was this all not last week!?

It's interesting though, because anytime I sit down and think about the future I really worry I'm going to waste it away. Everyone thinks that to some extent I think, but somehow I've managed to not waste it. I do spend a lot of time dwelling on the future, and more time dwelling on the past, but I find the time to enjoy the now. The time to celebrate what is right in front of me.

I'm not the best at it by any means. I'm not constantly seizing the moment, and yet I still feel like the majority of my time has gone to good use. I could always improve, but I'll never stop being able to improve.

And then there's the couple of days right after watching an exceptionally good movie. I tell myself I'm going to do all of these crazy things like in the movies. I'm going to develop super crazy acrobatics, or go on to make a difference. I'm silly like that. I let movies get to me.

For example, I watched The Amazing Spiderman last night. I still on occasion try to access my hidden superpowers, and hope that one day they'll surface, even though I know the chances of that happening are pretty impossible. I'm a dreamer like that. And I'm perfectly cool with that, and don't ever want to accept the fact that it's not going to happen. Young, naive, inexperienced... Take your pick, but I'm cool with that.

You see, I have no idea where I'll be in two more years. I can't tell you what new thing I'll be pining after, and I can't tell you what I'll fill my time doing. I hope, however, that I keep this part of me. That I'm able to dream. Because that's really one of the only things I fear. I guess, in a way, I fear reality. I like breaking it when I can.

Let's see things I think of when I think of "reality":
-After you graduate high school you and your friends will go different ways and won't see each other.
-Same for college graduation, except a bit more likely you'll still interact.
-People are only going to hurt you.
-Some dreams are too far fetched, you should set your sights on something more attainable.
And I can't think of anything else now. Silly me.

I know reality isn't all dark like that, but those are a few of my problems with "reality". Call me an idealist, but I really don't want to ever agree with those. Friendships last if you make the effort. I mean, what was the whole beginning of this post about. In fact, I feel like I've gotten closer to Cody than I was in recent years and that's just by making an effort to play an online game with him daily. Do friends grow apart, yeah, it happens. It sucks too. Just people change a lot in their high school/college years, and you can't be mad with someone who finally grows into the person they've been trying to find all those years. You might just not be the same buddy buddy that you were before you changed. You can stay in touch, you can hold on to the friendship if it means something to you. There's nothing in the "real world" that says you can't stay friends.

I'm never going to give in to the idea that people are only going to hurt me. Have I been hurt? Oh yes I have. I've been decimated by people before, but for some silly reason I keep believing in them. I watch TV, and see all sorts of things that make me angry at humans, but it really doesn't change my believe in how good they can be. Oh well, looks like I'll forever be cursed by loving people, and giving them a chance instead of expecting them to backstab me from the first time I meet them.

And while some dreams (the superpower ones) might be impossible it doesn't hurt to dream big. I mean, I've always dreamed of acting in a movie, being a superhero or being the guy who falls in love with the girl. I don't really ever see that happening. Sadly I've let that get a bit too clouded by reality. Also dreamed of being a dolphin trainer. Probably not going to happen, but I could make it happen. I could train myself, and learn Marine Biology. I could dance cheesily in SeaWorld's shows. Honestly I almost went that path, but opted out because I felt like I could do something better elsewhere. Darn my being smart and feeling like something was expected of said smartness.

Lastly, I dream of making a change. Somehow doing something that gets people's attention and saying the right thing that causes a positive impact all over. I'm just one kid from Amarillo, Texas though. Honestly not that special. There's a ton of Computer Scientists out there that scare me with what they know. There's a billion other bloggers who can phrase things better than me. I just can't help but think that somehow I'll do something that catches someone's eye and then causes a landslide where all of a sudden I'm in a position to do something. That would be fantastic.

Who know maybe in a few more years something will happen. Perhaps I'll make one of my dreams a reality. I dunno, what do you think.

Thankfully, I took a break after the first part, then came back later. It's a better post than I had originally intended and I like when that happens. Hopefully you do too, because it's kinda for you, the reader. =D