I'm bored.
That's a good reason to blog again, right?
What do I say though? Do I bore anyone reading this with a summary of my life recently? Do I attempt to find some deep meaningful thought in the mess that is my head? Or do I just write and see where it takes me, in the hopes that the journey is something you enjoy, as well as learn from?
I think I'll just write. In fact, I'm treating this as though I'm vlogging, I have a general idea of what I want to say and I'm just going to say things as they come. I'll only stop to correct huge grammatical errors, and minor spelling ones. Haha. If you've already found any then I entreat you to tell me so I can not make them in the future. (I probably will though.)
So, life man. Right?
Well, it's crazy.
I'm graduating next May.
Seriously how is it already that time?
I shouldn't be graduating. I don't have enough experience, I haven't learned everything I can, and I most certainly don't know what the next step is.
People usually have plans, right?
I usually have plans.
I haven't recently.
I mean, the general ones are there.
1) Graduate.
2) Start work.
3) Etc...
That's about it right?
Some big things are missing? I'm sure they aren't too big.
But seriously that's my plan, and people ask about it, and that's what I respond, and I feel like such a loser.
I know people who know where they're going, and I'm here, praying and listening, and waiting to hear back from the last of many interviews in the hopes that this one is different.
See, I'm not extraordinary. I say this often, but it's true. I'm not the best Computer Scientist, most strategical, most innovative, or even the smartest student. I'm fairly average.
I wrote a play for my Play-writing class. Each of my plays has some of me in them. This one was me. It made me realize something about me. I'm not the best at just about anything. I'll accept that. On the outside I'm really rather normal. My extraordinary nature comes from something entirely intangible.
I'm loyal. Like, unhealthily loyal. While playing a video game, I'm loyal. While playing on a soccer team, I'm loyal. When dealing with friends, I'm loyal.
Sure, I screw up. I do really idiotic things, and make super wrong decisions but I'm still loyal.
See, that's something I can't convey to people.
How do you tell someone when they're interviewing you that if you get the position you will be the most passionate person about that company. How do you tell someone that even though you've been turned down for internships and full time jobs you still love their company, and their employees, and will continue to be an advocate for their company?
While growing up I often thought it would be great if I could get back at people who hurt me. Because for some reason I'm a very revenge oriented person. (Not anymore as far as I know. XD)
So, when someone would do something to me, that bothered me, I would get back at them. It was in really indirect ways, and almost always didn't get the point across. So, before college I was super close with my sister. Not that we aren't now, just we're far away and it's hard. Well, I remember once there was a misunderstanding of sorts between us. I think I had suggested going somewhere, and she had sort of said yeah. I decided I was not going to do anything until she legitimately said she wanted to go. Or something stupid like that. My thinking was that if I didn't do anything, and thus laid there miserable, she'd eventually ask. Something along those lines. Well, she didn't, and I spent several hours doing nothing, eventually falling asleep for the night.
I was really ridiculous.
So, I hit college and fall in love with a specific entity. I get involved with it, and start doing things, taking leadership roles, actively applying for things. Eventually I get my first rejection from it, and I was furious. They had their reasons, but I was upset, especially since I was told to apply since I'd be a good candidate.
How could they just turn me away. That was bogus, and they know it. I was frustrated and fed up.
And for about, 5 minutes, I was decided that I was done. No more involvement, no more caring. I was just going to stop talking with them, and that they'd feel bad.
After I got over all that, I went right back to interacting with them, and being an all around advocate for them.
I got turned away again, this time it was something I was more passionate about.
I think I lasted 10 minutes this time.
I'm still quite involved. I still love the entity. I'm fairly certain I'll continue liking it for many years to come.
See, I may falter. I may find myself foaming about the very thing. But I'm still loyal. I'll have your back, long after you've stopped having mine.
TL;DR
If I have ever called you a friend (including most people I've barely talked to, because I make friends quick), or supported a certain group, I will have your back. SERIOUSLY.
Love you guys! =D
(Did that whole post even have a point? I dunno. I just was typing as I thought. How's that for a free-write exercise? Haha.)
